


i hate her, i promise

by stilltrying_tofigure_itout



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Denial, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 67,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28104108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilltrying_tofigure_itout/pseuds/stilltrying_tofigure_itout
Summary: Toni has hated Shelby Goodkind since their first class together sophomore year. Her extensive need to answer every question the teacher asks was annoying enough, but throw in her homophobic beliefs, she never had a chance of Toni liking her. Toni hates her, really, she does.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 805
Kudos: 2044





	1. i-v

i.

The first time Toni saw her was geometry sophomore year.

Toni sat in the back of the class like she always did; she slouched low in the seat and plugged her earbuds in, sliding through Spotify looking for music she was in the mood for. Before she found anything to settle on her attention was drawn away.

Her hair was pin straight and bright blonde, but then again it always was. She was wearing a light pink top with a floral skirt. But that wasn’t what drew Toni’s attention.

She was talking loudly to a boy while she clung to his arm, looking up at him with a smile that brightened the room while simultaneously lied too it. Toni watched as the girl took a seat in the front row and pulled out all the supplies she could possibly need.

Toni continued to stare until the teacher drew her out of her daze.

“There are problems on the screen, do as many as you can in twenty minutes. We’ll go over them after,” The teacher, who Toni had yet to learn the name of, said before sitting down and pulling out his phone.

Toni’s gaze drifted back to the girl and watched as she diligently began working the problems. Toni scoffed under her breath but couldn’t help but let her eyes linger. She then hit shuffle and turned her volume up.

ii.

It didn’t take long for Toni to learn her name, after all she was the only one the teacher called on.

Shelby Goodkind.

Once she learned her name everything else followed. Her excessively strong religious beliefs, her beauty pageant participation, and her continuous need to answer every single question possible. It was the last one that affected Toni the most, sure the religious beliefs made Toni hesitant, but the fact that she could never shut up was what really drove Toni mad.

Every single question or nonquestion the teacher, who Toni still didn’t know the name of even after a month, asked Shelby’s hand would immediately shoot into the air. One would think the fact she waited to be called on would make her less annoying, but it really made it worse. If the teacher tried to ignore her her hand would just continue to wave in the air, drawing Toni’s attention, until the only thing she could pay attention to was the way Shelby’s slender arm with her manicured nails waving in the air.

Toni found she spent the majority of class staring holes in the back of Shelby’s head, wishing more than anything she could transfer classes so she wouldn’t ever have to ear Shelby’s Texan draw ever again.

It wasn’t until three months later than Toni realized Shelby’s religious beliefs made her so much worse than her need to answer questions ever could.

iii.

They had just gotten back from Thanksgiving break, classes were beginning to prepare for mid-terms, and Toni had yet to remember her teachers name. She was sitting in her spot in the back of the class like always, and like always Shelby came in clinging to the arm of a boy, her boyfriend Andrew, Toni had learned. Toni turned her volume down so she could hear, a habit she hadn’t even noticed she had.

“So, does your dad need any help setting up the annual Christmas party this year?” Andrew asked as he placed Shelby books down on her desk.

Toni watched the couple for reasons she didn’t know, it was just interesting to see them.

“He hasn’t mentioned it yet, but I’m sure he would be happy for the help,” Shelby smiled widely at her boyfriend while Toni grimaced and contemplated turning her music back up.

“I’ll plan on it, it’s basically a tradition by now, and all the usual people are coming?”

“I believe so, father hasn’t talked about it excessively yet, but I would imagine the same as the past years” Shelby flicked her hair over her shoulder and Toni’s gaze fell to her slender neck and collar bones that were exposed by the wide neck sweater she wore.

“Everyone the same as the past years?” Andrew hesitated before continuing, “Including Kyle?”

Toni began to turn her music back up before seeing Shelby’s alarm at the question.

“I mean, I mean probably not, you know how it’s been. My father has been trying, but it’s really hurting him,” Toni watched as Shelby shifted in her seat, allowing the hair she had just flicked back to fall to partially cover her face.

Andrew reached across to clasp Shelby’s hand and Toni saw Shelby hesitate before returning the gesture.

“I know it’s been hard, but you know how great of a man your dad is. He will pull Kyle through.”

Toni was beginning to grow tired of the conversation, she didn’t even know who Kyle was, much less what he could have possibly done to make Shelby and Andrew so concerned. He probably cussed once and was now exiled from the church.

“Hey man! Hey Shelby,” another boy in the class walked in and greeted Andrew and Shelby, “What are we talking about?” He took a seat behind Andrew and Toni slouched further in her seat. Her eavesdropping of the day was ending.

“Just discussing Kyle and the Christmas party,” Andrew responded. Toni closed her eyes but left her volume down incase Shelby partook in the conversation.

“That fag? What are we talking about him for?” Toni sat bolt up as the glared at the boy who had just spoke, she missed the way Shelby flinched at the words.

“We aren’t supposed to use that word,” Shelby quietly said, Toni could only hear it because she had already taken her earbuds out.

“Fag? What’s wrong with it. Just describing him. He’s a fag,” By the time the boy had finished his statement Toni was in front of him.

“You need to shut the fuck up,” She said as she slammed both her hand on his desk.

The boy jumped in her seat and looked up at her, after a split second her regained his composure.

“What’s it to you, you a fag too?”

Toni saw red, she flipped his desk causing it to bang onto the ground and trip a passing student while simultaneously slamming into the boy’s shins.

“Shit!” He cussed as he hunched over to grasp his legs, “You fucking bitch!” he glared up at Toni while she just stared at him, daring him to say something else.

“What the hells wrong with you?” Behind Toni, Andrew stood up and pushed her.

Toni stumbled forward one step before turning around and immediately swinging at him. Her fist connected with his cheek and he stumbled to the side. By now the entire class had moved to the sides to leave room for the fight, and multiple students had gathered at the doorway to watch. Toni balled up her hands, preparing to swing again, but someone stepped in the way.

Toni pulled her arm back just as it was about to connect with Shelby’s nose. Behind her, Andrew drew himself up and tried to step around his girlfriend to continue the fight, but Shelby kept his way blocked.

“You might want to get out of the way,” Toni said through clenched teeth. She kept her eyes locked on Andrew and avoided looking at Shelby.

“No, you need to calm down,” Shelby reached one hand out as if to rest it on Toni’s arm, but it was slap away before she could. “This is completely uncalled for; you can’t just attack people.” Shelby lectured and Toni finally looked at her. Looked her in the eyes for the first time. They were green and hardened with a mix of fear and anger.

Toni took a step forward as she heard their teacher begin to push through the crowd at the door. She was now less than a foot away from Shelby, both hands clenched at her sides.

“This was not uncalled for, you need to teach your fucking pet,” As she said it she shot a look at Andrew who continued to stand over Shelby’s shoulder, “and his useless dick of a friend how to keep their fucking mouths closed. If you don’t I will.”

The teacher finally pushed through the crowd at the door.

“What is going on here,” He demanded right as the boy who had been on the ground grabbed at Toni’s arms.

She whipped around and kneed him in the crotch. Andrew pushed past Shelby and grabbed her from behind.

“Stop this now!” The teacher boomed, the first time anyone in the class had heard him show actual emotion. Andrew pushed Toni aside and helped up his friend. Toni stumbled a few steps before regaining her balance.

Toni received dentition everyday after school for that, much to the distain of her basketball coach. But after that Shelby did notice her more. She would send glances towards the back of the class everyday when she entered the classroom, and without fail Toni would return the look with a glare. Wishing more than anything she could cut off Andrews arm that she always clung to.

iv.

Toni managed the entire year without learning her teachers name, she had a theory it started with a M, but it could be a B.

She didn’t manage the entire year without another fight.

It was usually the same boy that said something to start it, but sometimes it was Andrew, on one occasion it was Shelby herself. Each time Toni ended with over a weeks’ worth of detention, at least one bruised hand, and a stronger hatred for Shelby Goodkind.

Toni didn’t know why it was only her hatred for Shelby that grew. Her hatred for the boys had flatlined after the first fight, maybe she had just already hated them and had had hope for Shelby. Regardless, by the end of the year Toni hated Shelby more than she could remember hating anyone else, including any one of her vast array of foster parents over the years.

v.

When Toni walked into her Pre-Calculus class late on the first day of junior year she couldn’t tell if the class was going to be better or worse than the one before. Neither Andrew nor his friend were in the class, but Shelby was, and she stood talking to a group of four girls.

Once the teacher, Toni’s basketball coach, Coach Burke, read the assigned seats Toni knew the year was going to be much worse than the previous.

She was seat partners with Shelby, at least they were sitting in the back of the room.


	2. vi-x

vi.

“So how was your summer?” Shelby’s Texan draw rang in Toni’s ears as she sat down, “Do anything fun?”

Toni ignored her, instead watched out of the corner of her eye as she pulled a binder, a textbook, and a pencil pouch out of her backpack. Then from the pencil pouch she laid out multiple pencils and a brand-new eraser.

Toni glanced down at the ratty spiral notebook tucked in her old backpack that contained notes from geometry the previous year. She slouched down in her seat.

“Alright,” Shelby drew out the word in annoyance, “Guess not.”

Toni rolled her eyes and tossed her notebook on her desk. Coach Burke was droning on about expectations and class rules. Shelby was taking note. She was taking notes on class expectations. Toni rolled her eyes again.

She peered to the side to see what she was writing, but it was just pointless rules for the class. Toni watched as Shelby’s manicured nails gripped her pencil tightly as she wrote quickly. Toni tried to recall if she had ever seen Shelby without her nails done, but she drew a blank. Not that she would remember if she had, she doesn’t pay that much attention to Shelby.

Right as Toni began to untangle her earbuds Coach Burke finished his lecture.

“Alright, now that you know what to expect, if you could open your textbooks to page 71 and do the odd problems one through twenty,” Toni glanced around in confusion as every brought a textbook out of their book, or opened the one already on their desk like Shelby did.

Toni didn’t have a book for pre-calc, usually she buys them at the school store, getting a discount because of her situation, but she was never told she needed one. Normally Toni just wouldn’t do the work in this situation, but she knew if she slacked off in Coach Burke’s class it would affect basketball practice, so she couldn’t do that. Just as she resigned to the fact, she would have to ask to leave to buy a book in front of the whole class Coach made his way to the back of the room.

Once he reached Toni and Shelby’s joined desks, he bent down so he was on their level.

“I know you don’t have one Toni, that’s my fault, I never submitted the form saying it was mandatory. I figured it wouldn’t be worth spending money on the textbook when you can make due without it,” Toni just nodded, she didn’t know how she was going to make due when it sounded like they would be using it a lot. Meanwhile Shelby’s pencil had slowed showing that she was listening. “I figured you could share with Shelby whenever we use it in class,” Coach Burke continued, “and for homework you can either borrow one of mine or take a picture. Sound good?”

Sharing a book with Shelby everyday most definitely didn’t sound good, but neither did spending money she didn’t have on a book she didn’t need.

“Yep, sounds good. Thanks coach.”

“No problem, get to it,” With that he walked away leaving Shelby and Toni sitting quietly together.

Without speaking Shelby moved her book in between the two and continued working.

Toni dug through her bag until she found an old pencil with no eraser then she began the problems as well.

vii.

Sitting next to Shelby went better than Toni expected, at least for a couple of weeks.

She was as obnoxious as last year, her hand shooting into the air at every question and refusing to go down unless she was called on. But it was no more annoying than the year before, except of course now whenever she put her hand up a wave of her perfume would flow of Toni, but she hadn’t yet decided if that was a negative.

She didn’t try to converse with Toni, after being blatantly ignored the first few times she got the message conversation was not welcome. At the beginning of each class she would put her textbook in the space between the two and they would wordlessly flip to whichever pages necessary.

Everything was going well until the first time Shelby did morning announcements.

viii.

Toni sat in her seat as the bell rang signaling the start of first period. She stared at Shelby’s empty seat. Shelby was never absent, not yet this year, and not a single time last year, not that Toni had been paying attention. Just as Toni was about to do something stupid, like ask someone in the class if Shelby was ok her voice rang out over the speaker system.

“Good morning y’all!” Toni flinched at the sudden loud sound, then immediately glanced around to make sure no one saw.

Shelby continued about the announcements, and Toni tried to zone it out like usual, but Shelby’s unique accent made that near impossible. Right as Toni was managing to tune her out, Shelby said something that grabbed her attention. Not because it was something she was interested in, no it was because whenever this thing was mentioned that meant Shelby was surely to be mentioned soon after.

“And we have our first CLYA meeting after school this Friday, that’s Christian Life for Young Adults. If you are interested in joining this club, please feel free to come. It’s directly after school in room B247. And I believe that’s all the announcements for this morning, have a blessed day y’all,” Shelby’s voice finally cut off from the speakers and Toni relaxed in her seat, she hadn’t realized she had been so tense during the announcements.

Coach Burke gave some warmup problems to do, but Toni had to wait for Shelby to arrive with the book. Less than a minute later she was there and breezing though the door, a good morning ringing out as she entered the room.

She sat down in her seat and glanced at Toni in confusion as to why she wasn’t doing anything. Toni just looked at her expectantly before realization dawned on Shelby.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think that you wouldn’t be able to start with out me. How oblivious of me,” She continued to ramble as she pulled everything out of her bag, first the textbook which Toni quickly turned to the correct page.

“I probably won’t be doing the announcements much this year just because I don’t want to miss much of this class,” Shelby continued like she thought Toni cared, “They just asked me today because they try to have someone involved in one of the activities announced.”

Toni just sighed and looked at Shelby in annoyance, “Are you going to be talking this much all class?”

“Oh,” Shelby shifted back in surprise at Toni’s rude tone, “Well no, of course not, got to pay attention and all.” She chuckled lightly before it fell of when she realized Toni was still looking at her in annoyance.

“Great, so if you could just stop your talking now that would be great,” Toni began working on the problems, but she could feel Shelby watching her.

“Actually,” Toni sighed loudly when Shelby continued talking, “I promise I’ll stop after this, you’re not a joy to talk to either you know?” Shelby sounded irritable.

“Great,” Toni smiled a wide fake smile at her, “So stop talking to me.”

This time Shelby sighed, “I just wanted to ask if you would be interested in the CLYA meeting this Friday.”

Toni kept writing for a moment before she processed what Shelby was asking. Then she stopped and looked at Shelby dumbfounded. Shelby just smiled brightly, but Toni could tell from her shifty hands she was nervous.

Toni blinked and held the silence for a minute longer before breaking it, “That’s a joke, right?”

“No, it’s-” Toni cut Shelby off before she could continue.

“It’s not a joke?” Toni could not believe the nerve of Shelby, “You actually think I would be interested in your God club?”

“Well, I don’t think you’re interested per say, I just think it might be beneficial.” Shelby just continued smiling like nothing was wrong.

Toni bit her lip to stop a few choice words from spilling out, Coach Burke would not take kindly to her cussing someone out in his class.

“Beneficial? You think your fucked-up God club would be beneficial for me,” Toni watched as Shelby rolled her lips into her mouth like she might just be realizing this wasn’t going to be a good conversation.

“Listen it’s not a God club, it’s a Christian club-”

“And that makes it better?” Toni cut her off again, “Actually I think my question is why you think it would be beneficial for me, can you answer that?”

“Girls in the back if you would please continue to work the assigned problems,” Coach Burke announced from the front of the class, Toni had completely forgotten that’s what they were supposed to be doing.

“Of course, sorry sir,” Shelby responded immediately and began working the problems. Toni just stared at her with her jaw clenched. Shelby ignored her as she tucked hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear, something about this simple action ticked Toni off.

“What, you don’t want to continue our conversation about you fucked up club? I was just starting to get interested though,” Toni sneered.

“Listen, I wasn’t trying to start a fight,” Shelby refused to look at Toni which just made her angrier, “I was really just asking if you would be interested.”

“Well I’m not, I’d rather not be surrounded by ignorant bigots on a Friday afternoon, or ever really, but here I am.”

“Are you calling me a bigot,” Shelby finally looked at Toni, and Toni was shocked by the confusion and offense on her face.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m also calling everyone in your God club bigots if you didn’t pick that up,” Toni talked slowly like she was talking to a second grader.

“Excuse me, that is offensive, and I don’t think you can make that accusation if you refuse to even give my ‘God club’ a try,” Shelby lectured her.

“I don’t know if you just dumb as fuck or you genuinely believe that,” Their conversation had been quiet before, but Toni had been pushed past her limit, “I guess either way you are dumb as fuck. But I absolutely can make that accusation.”

“Toni! Quiet! Now,” Coach Burke demanded from the front of the room. Toni ignored him.

“Every time I’ve had any interaction with anyone of your little Jesus friends it’s gone very poorly.”

“That’s because you start every conversation with your fists,” Shelby interrupted. Toni was on her feet by now and glared down at her.

“Actually, it’s because every word that comes out of their mouths, and your mouth for that matter, is rude, offensive and beyond homophobic.”

Shelby finally stood up as well, “How would you know that, you’ve never even had a conversation with me.”

“Girls! Outside now!” Toni ignored Coach Burke although Shelby looked at him guiltily.

“What do you call this? This is a fucking conversation you started, and all you’ve been is homophobic!”

“That is not true,” Shelby stated as she took a step forward, now she was about two feet away from Toni and looking at her with fie in her eyes.

“Oh, isn’t it? Tell me, why did you want me to go to your club Friday. Was it to save my eternal fucking soul?” Toni was yelling by the last words. She had taken a step forward so now the two girls were face to face. Although the same height Toni looked down on Shelby.

Before Shelby could answer Coach Burke was pulling the two girls apart.

“This is completely unacceptable. In the hallway! Now!” He demanded.

Toni immediately stormed out of the room, if she stayed there any longer and she’s have gotten in trouble for more than just yelling and cussing.

Both girls ended with a weeks’ worth of detention, although Coach Burke made it clear Toni’s punishment would be much worse when factoring in basketball practice. He also blatantly ignored any request for the girls to move seats.

The year kept going downhill from there.

ix.

The old silence in first period pre-cal was a thing of the past after that incident. While before the girls had shared the book and worked without words, they now bickered every step of the way.

The rest of the class grew used to it quickly, and so did Coach Burke to an extent, he still told the girls off when they got to loud or cussed, but for the most part as long as they weren’t distracting he let them be. Shelby’s previously clean record went downhill. Dentitions for being distracting and loud were now a semi regular thing, something she made certain Toni know her parents weren’t happy about.

But she never did mention the CLYA club again, she seemed to learn from that mistake.

x.

“I’m just saying, it’s been two months. I think you can reel it back a little,” Martha, Toni’s best friend, was saying form the bleachers as Toni practiced her free throws.

Toni held the ball in her hands and turned to look at Martha, “Marty, people don’t just get over homophobia after a month or two for no good reason,” She turned back and geared up for a shot, “Besides, there’s more to it than that,” As she finished talking she shot and made it in with a satisfying _swoosh_ , nothing but net.

“What else is there to it?” Martha asked and Toni walked over to collect her ball, she then plopped down on the bleacher below Martha.

“She’s just so, ugh. You know?” Toni tossed the ball into the air and caught it; she continued that movement as she couldn’t sit still.

“Not really, I think you have to be more specific than just ugh.”

“She’s-, well-, ok so in class she answers every single question, every single one. Even when Coach didn’t ask for her too.”

“So, she interrupts class, that’s not too bad,” Martha defended.

“No that’s the thing, she doesn’t,” Toni corrected, and Martha looked at her in confusion. “She always raises her hand, every single time. It’s obnoxious because she does it so quickly it sends a fucking wave of wind, it’s knocked papers of my desk. Plus,” Toni finally held the ball still and turned to look at Martha fully, “she wears this obnoxious perfume, it smell like, like, ok I don’t know what it smells like, but every time she fucking moves I smell it so now I just hate that smell even though it’s actually kinda nice.”

Martha opened her mouth to say something, but Toni just plowed on.

“And she has this annoying habit of talking to herself, usually about math. She’ll sit there doing a problem and talk out every fucking step like she’s in second grade. She’s just such a fucking princess,” By now Martha had just slouched down and admitted herself to listening to Toni rant, “Her nails are always done, that weird style where the top is white and the rest is skin color, I don’t get it, it looks dumb. And her hair is always straight and perfect, like what the fuck, no one’s hair should always look like that. And-”

“Stop stop stop,” Martha finally cut her off, “I regret starting this conversation.”

“Sorry not sorry, there’s just a lot I hate about Shelby fucking Goodkind,” Toni shrugged unapologetically.

“Hate, sure,” Toni opened her mouth, but Martha continued before she could interrupt, “So do you actually do anything in pre cal or do you just spend all class staring at Shelby.”

“Excuse me, I don’t stare at her. she sits next to me and is obnoxious.”

“Sure, what every you say.”

Toni huffed; she didn’t like whatever Martha was thinking.

“Let’s go, school starts in ten minutes,” Martha said as she gathered all her things, “Wouldn’t want you to miss pre cal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, i hope you liked this chapter, i had fun writing it as it had more Toni x Shelby interaction.  
> i'm very excited, just found out i got into my top college less than two hours ago so figured i'd give y'all something to hopefully add something to your day.  
> let me know what ya'll think!


	3. xi-xv

xi.

“You do realize our grade is on homework, tests, and quizzes, right? It’s not a competition to who can raise their hand the fastest,” Toni said when Shelby’s hand shot up for the hundredth time.

“Obviously,” Shelby responded with her hand still in the air and not looking at Toni, “If that was how our grade was decided I would be rid of you already because you would have failed out.”

“Please, I bet my grade is better than yours,” Toni scoffed as she twirled her pencil around her fingers.

“I highly doubt-”

“Shelby, yes?” Coach Burke called from the front of the room efficiently cutting her off.

“No, I wasn’t, we were just,” Shelby looked around in confusion, they hadn’t been loud and had never gotten in trouble for bickering before.

“You hand was raised,” Coach prompted, but he now looked confused. Toni snickered under her breath as Shelby’s face flushed.

“Right, yes, um,” Shelby looked at her notebook, then the board, then the rest of the class, many of whom were staring at their notebooks or the wall blankly. “I actually don’t remember what I was going to say.”

Toni’s laughter intensified and Shelby kicked her from under the desk. Coach Burke just looked at the two for a moment more before continuing his lesson.

“Smooth, good thing you raised your hand,” Toni bit her lip to stop from smiling to widely at Shelby’s embarrassment.

“Shut up,” Shelby hissed as she pulled the textbook closer to her, so it was harder for Toni to see.

xii.

“Ok girls, good practice. Head home, eat a good meal, get some sleep, do your homework, and study for any pre-cal tests you might have. Talking to you Toni,” Coach Burke said to the girls and shooed them off.

“You got it coach,” Toni responded and followed the rest of the girls to the locker room.

“I feel like we’ve been in preseason forever, I just want to play some games,” Jess, another junior on the team, sighed as she packed up her things.

“Same, I hate how long we practice before the season starts,” Caroline, the only sophomore on varsity, agreed, and then continued when she saw Toni about to respond, “Yes, yes. I know it makes us better, but it makes me angsty.”

“I mean, can’t argue with that. Scrimmaging with you guys just isn’t the same,” Toni said causing most girls to laugh.

“Well yeah, you can’t kill us like you do the other team,” Jess teased as she pushed Toni. By now almost everyone had their bags packed and girls began walking to the parking lot. Toni stayed, taking excessive time putting on her jacket.

“Excuse me, I’ve never killed anyone on the other team,” Toni defended herself.

“Yet,” one of the seniors called over her shoulder as she walked out of the locker room.

The remaining girls in the locker room laugher.

“You coming, Toni?” Jess asked from her spot at the door. Everyone was gone now except Toni and her.

“Go ahead, I still gotta piss,” Toni waved her on.

“Damn, you always take forever to pack up and leave,” Jess said as she walked out the door leaving Toni in silence.

Toni sat in the locker room for another minute before leaving. She’d exchanged her shorts for sweats and pulled her favorite jacket on over her jersey. She’d also changed her basketball shoes for her tennis shoes and stuffed everything into her backpack, so it all fit in one bag on her back.

She pushed open the doors to outside and prepared for the walk home. It was only late October, so the weather wasn’t that bad yet, but she knew by the time December rolled around she’d want more layers.

There was only one car left in the parking lot, and she hoped it was a random student staying late for something and not a teammate that would see her without a ride. Everyone on the team assumed she had someone pick her up every day or had some way to get home.

Toni wasn’t a fan of pity, and that’s usually what she got when people realized she had to walk just over five miles to and from school each day.

Toni turned around from the school and the parking lot and started her brisk pace, but just as she did the car started. Toni mentally kicked herself, she would just claim her ride was a little late and she was walking to meet it at a better location. But as the car rolled up and Toni prepared her excuse, she saw Marty through the window and her face broke out in a grin.

“Marty! My girl, what’s good?” Toni laughed as she leaned her arms on the now rolled down window.

“Figured I’d give you a ride, I know you got a couple test tomorrow to study for, can’t have you failing cause you spent all night walking,” Marty explained as when unlocked the other door and Toni walked around to it.

Toni plopped down in the seat, buckled up, and immediately slide down so her legs were stretched out as far as they could.

“You know I appreciate the ride, but do you not have to be home?” Toni asked as Marty pulled away and began the drive to her current house. It’s a fifteen-minute drive with Marty driving, not that she’s a bad driver, just slow.

“Mom got off early today so she’s watching everyone,” Marty explained. Martha always leaves school a few minutes early so she can pick up her siblings from the elementary across town, then she’s in charge of watching and feeding them until her mom gets home.

“Everything ok?” Toni asks seeing as it’s only just after six and usually Martha’s mom won’t be home for a couple more hours.

“Yeah it’s fine, her boss was just sick so she couldn’t do everything without him, so she left early,” Martha explained as she rolled up to the stop light to turn into Toni’s neighborhood.

“Ok good,” Toni said with a loud yawn.

Martha laughed at her before changing to topic, “So how was practice? Has he made you captain yet?”

“You know he won’t make that call for two more weeks,” Toni reminded her.

“Well yeah, but you’re a shoe in. He might as well call it now. Save the time,” Toni smiled at Martha optimism. She wasn’t so sure. At the beginning of the year Toni would have agreed, but how quickly Coach got mad at her now made her nervous, not that she didn’t give him reason to be mad.

“We’ll see,” Toni responded as they pulled up at her foster parent’s house, “Thanks for the ride, you know you’re the best.” Toni smiled a wide smile with all her teeth and her eyes closed causing Martha to laugh. The laughter died out when Martha looked at the dark house they were in front of.

“You said this was a good one, right?” Martha nodded her head toward the house and Toni followed her gaze.

“Yep, much better than the last. I actually get food,” Toni joked, but seeing Martha’s face her laughter fell off. “It’s good, I promise. I mean, it’s not like a home, but I have what I need, and they never do anything bad.”

Toni shrugged her backpack on and walked over to Martha’s side to give her a hug through the open window.

“See you tomorrow bae,” She said with a cheeky grin.

“Don’t call me that,” Martha yelled after her and Toni walked to the front door.

“Ok bae,” Toni heard Martha’s sigh from the front door and laughed as she drove away.

xiii.

“Alright, I’m thinking Moe’s,” Toni drummed her hands on the dash in excitement, “What’s your vote?”

“Mexican does sound good,” Regan replied from the back and Martha just hummed her agreement before turning towards Moe’s.

“Sweet, I love it when I get my way,” Toni said triumphantly.

“Shut up,” Martha and Regan said in sync.

“So mean,” Toni held a hand of her heart in mock pain before Regan leaned forward and slapped her arm.

“You’re obnoxious, why did I ever date you?”

“Cause I’m hot,” Toni paused before continuing, “and great with my tongue,” She turned around and stuck her tongue out. Regan laughed and started to respond but Martha cut her off before she could.

“Please, if you love me at all, don’t respond to that.”

The two passengers busted out laughing as they pulled into the strip parking lot where Moe’s was located.

“Of course, you know your innocence is the most important thing to me,” Regan reassured Martha as the three got out of the car.

The girls made their way into Moe’s and ordered. “What time does lunch end?” Toni asked once they received their food.

“Seriously, you’re halfway through junior year and don’t know what time lunch ends?” Martha asked.

“Yes,” Is Toni’s muffled reply from around her bite of burrito she had already started.

“Unbelievable,” Martha replied and held opened the door for her friends as they walked back outside.

“Are you going to answer the question?” Toni asked once she had swallowed her bite.

“It’s an extended period since it’s Friday, so we still have thirty minutes, plus it only takes five minutes to get back to school from here.” Regan answered as the girls sat down in the grass medium beside where they had parked.

“Ten with Martha driving,” Toni said before taking another bite. Regan laughed while Martha just rolled her eyes and mumbled about being a good driver and Toni not even having a car.

The three girls ate and talked, enjoying the unusually warm day for late October. Toni enjoyed it more than she expected. Usually if Toni hung out with anyone it was just Marty afterschool while watching her siblings or the team after a good game, but after her and Regan had decided to try being friends she realized how much she enjoyed just spending time with her friends.

The two had dated for a year, end of freshman year and beginning of sophomore year, ending after Regan realized they weren’t good for each other. Toni had been heartbroken, but now spending time with her as a friend she could admitted Regan had been right.

Fifteen minutes later the girls were finished eating and contemplating whether to go back to school to avoid any possibility of being late, or spend more time laying in the grass. Toni was in the middle of trying to convince her friends it wasn’t a bad idea to skip the rest of the day when a group of boys walked past.

“Seriously dude? You haven’t even made it too second base? You’ve been dating for like two years,” Toni looked up at the loud comment, she thought she recognized the boy but couldn’t place him until one of his friends responded.

“I know man, not my fault she’s a prude. It’s getting exhausting waiting,” Toni looked at the boy talking and places him as Andrew, Shelby’s boyfriend. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m getting it from other places,” The other boys hooted at that, but Andrew wasn’t done, “I just know she’s got to secretly be a freak in the bed.”

Toni stood up, ignoring the gestures from her friends to stay down. The boys had walked to the car parked one down from where the girls sat. They hadn’t entered it, instead just standing by the trunk talking in loud voices.

“Oh, you know it, girls like that are always wild,” One of the other guys that Toni didn’t recognize responded, causing all the boys to laugh obnoxiously.

“Dude, maybe she’d even be into a threesome,” The first boy said, Toni now recognized him as the boy she had fought the previous year in geometry.

“I’m not into dykes, man,” Andrew pushed his friend and laughed at his own joke.

Toni casually began collecting her trash and slowly made her way to the trashcan on the opposite side of the boys, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do but she didn’t like the way their conversation was going.

“I’m not saying she’s a dyke man, no girl that hot is a dyke. All I’m saying is she might be the type of girl whose wild enough to do anything, including a threesome,” the original guy responded, “it’d be hot as shit. You know the other night I saw this hot as hell video where these two girls were-”

Toni had heard enough, she walked directly toward the four boys after throwing her trash away. She vaguely registered Martha and Regan standing up behind the boys.

“You dicks are the worst type of homophobes, lesbians aren’t for your fucking sexual fantasies,” All the boys turned to look at her and recognition dawned on Andrew and the other ones face.

“Hey, you’re that dyke from last year,” The boy, who Toni recognized but didn’t know the name of, laughed, “Sorry but you’re not the type of girl we’re talking about.”

“Thank fuck, the last thing I would want is to be part of some fetish of yours,” Toni responded and took a step forward, so she was head to head with the unnamed boy. Andrew and his two other friends remained leaned against their car, just watching in amusement.

Regan and Martha had walked around them in a wide berth around them, so they came up to Toni from the back.

“Toni let’s go,” Martha said as she pulled on her arm.

“Come on Toni don’t do this again” Regan agreed as she too tried to lead Toni away.

Toni looked at them and contemplated it, but any thought she’d had of leaving left her mind at the boys next words.

“Her on the other hand,” He looked lewdly at Regan, “You’d be into that type of thing wouldn’t you.”

Regan just grimaced and took a step back, Toni on the other hand took a step forward.

“Fuck off,” she glared at him, but he just ignored him.

“You’d be interested in a threesome huh?” The boys behind him laughed, egging him on, “I can teach you a thing-”

The boy didn’t get to finish his sentence as Toni had punched him straight in the jaw.

“I told you to fuck off,” She yelled. The boy held his jaw for a moment, his friends stood shocked behind him. His eye hardened and he began to take a step forward. Toni beat him to it and kneed him in the crotch.

His friends surprise quickly wore off; they stepped forward and grabbed her.

Martha and Regan yelled from the side and Toni frantically whipped around, trying to land any contact. Both of her arms were held, and she could feel them trying to be pinned to her side. Before they could, she got one arm free and randomly swung, her elbow connected with someone’s eye and he fell. But just as Toni tried to collect herself one of the boys swung and caught her cheek.

Her head whipped to the side and eyes instantly teared up, she didn’t let it slow her down and instantly jumped on the boy that had hit her. she clung to his back and clawed at his hair while trying to get an arm around his throat.

It was chaos as Toni’s friends continued to yell and the original boy laid on the ground holding his crotch. The boy who she had elbowed was tying to get the car unlocked while the other boy tried to pull Toni from his friends back. Eventually Toni’s grip loosened, and she was flung on the ground. She was stunned for a moment before scrambling up to continue the fight, but by the time she was up the boys were mostly in the car.

“Psycho bitch,” One of them yelled as they pulled out of the parking lot.

Toni stood panting, once her adrenaline died out she clutched her cheek and held the side she had landed on.

“Come on,” Martha pulled her towards the car, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Toni sank down into the passenger seat as the three made their way to Martha’s house in silence.

xiv.

On Monday Toni beats Shelby to pre-cal. She was laying with her head in her arms when she come in. Toni continued to lay in her position as she heard Shelby shuffle around next to her, presumably getting her binder and textbook and other supplies.

Once the announcements were done and Coach Burke started class Toni finally lifted her head.

Her left cheek, the side that faced Shelby was a deep blue, almost purple. She didn’t have any significant busies anywhere else on her body, just extremely sore from her fall.

When Shelby saw her, she audibly gasped and stared in shock.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to stare,” Toni mumbled as she slowly got her notebook out and began the warmup problems.

Shelby didn’t respond, instead continuing to stare for a minute longer before starting the problems as well, but Toni felt her continue to look at her.

“Are you ok?” Shelby finally broke the silence.

Toni sighed loudly and hunched her shoulders to try and block Shelby out. Unfortunately, she sighed too loudly and drew the attention of the group sitting in the desks in front of Shelby and Toni, causing them to glance back.

“Damn Toni, what the fuck happened to you?” One of the girls asked loudly.

“Fatin, language!” Coach Burke sharply reprimanded to which Fatin just rolls her eyes.

“You know, just fighting sexism and homophobia,” Toni responded with a glance up. Although never having talked to her, Toni’s always liked the girls no-shits-given attitude.

“As you should,” Fatin responded and held her hand up for a high-five, while Toni gave with a slight wince.

Shelby huffed lightly beside her, but Toni ignored her instead trying to focus on the problems they were supposed to be working.

“That’s not what happened,” Shelby finally said from beside her. It was meant for only Toni’s ears, but Toni saw Fatin and her partner perk up in front of them like usual. Toni figured they’re arguments were the only entertaining thing about the class.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there,” Toni responded without looking up. She knew this wasn’t going to be a quick argument, after all Shelby’s boyfriend was one of the boys she had fought.

“Well, I wasn’t.”

“Exactly,” Toni cut in, but Shelby continued like she hadn’t spoken.

“But I do know what happened, I heard about it from multiple people,” Toni finally looked up with a sigh, might as well fully commit to the argument.

“And let me guess, all those people were on the other side of the fight,” Shelby opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Toni knew she was right, “Yeah, thought so.”

“Excuse me, I know my boyfriend,” Shelby’s accent was strong as she said it, making Toni wrinkle her nose, “He is definitely not sexist, and you can’t just label every religious person homophobic, it’s not that simple.”

Toni started at Shelby, she thought about all the things she had overheard the boy saying, not just about her or Regan, but about Shelby. As much as Toni hated Shelby, she didn’t deserve for her own boyfriend to talk or think about her that way.

“It might not always be, but for you and him, it is that simple. And I’d stop talking if I were you, you just sound dumb,” Toni sassed, she was already tired of the argument.

“No, I’m not going to let you go around spreading lies about my boyfriend and his friends,” Shelby stated loudly.

“Girls, if you would please work on the problems in your book,” Coach Burke tried to disrupt the argument.

“They’re not lies,” Toni ignored her coach, “if you actually think they are then you don’t know your boyfriend at all.”

“Andrew is a good guy, as are his friends, you have no business saying otherwise,” Shelby was very defensive, for once Toni seemed to be the one in more control of her emotions.

“Judging by the bruise on her face, she can say otherwise,” Fatin cut in, causing Shelby to glare at her with a look that clearly said to mind her own business.

Shelby then looked back at Toni and hesitated for a moment. Toni watched as her eyes scanned her face, she had a moment of hesitation before she continued.

“That happened while Andrew was trying to pull Toni off Michael,” Toni noted the name, she didn’t know which boy Michael was, but he was one of them. “She was the one attacking them, they were trying to get away, so no one got hurt.”

Toni could feel the whole rooms attention on the two girls, she knew she might get in trouble to admitting to fighting but she couldn’t let Shelby tell lies.

“I might have thrown the first punch, but believe me they were not holding back,” Toni responded confidently. That was true, although she started the fight, they definitely didn’t run from it.

“Andrew got hurt while trying to stop the fight, he can barely see out of his eye because of you.” Shelby was holding the edge of her desk, like she had to physically restrain herself from standing up. Toni stared at her in disbelief.

“Oh, so your boyfriend was the one who was trying to pin my arms to my side so his friends could get some good hits in?” Toni retorted, her previous calm had faded, now she stood up. Shelby quickly followed.

“Why do you hate us so much that you spread blatant lies so people think poorly of us. Just admit that you’re freaking psychotic!” Shelby stood in Toni’s face; it was the first time Toni realized Shelby was slightly taller than her.

“I don’t have to spread lies; you make people hate you yourself. You’ve done a fucking fantastic job making me hate you!” Toni shoved her at the last word. Not enough to make her fall, but enough to make her stumble a step back and have to balance herself on the desk.

“Toni! Hallway! Now!” Coach Burke appeared between the two. Toni had forgotten about him and the rest of the class. She looked around to see everyone staring at the two, as expected.

Toni looked back at her Coach, she glimpsed Shelby standing behind him glaring, “What just me? That bitch has to go too, right? She fucking started it.”

“No,” Coach Burke moved so Toni could no longer see Shelby, “Just you, go!” He pointed to the door.

“That’s fucking bullshit,” Toni spat, refusing to lessen her glare.

“Don’t test me,” Coach responded with a stony expression.

Toni held her glare before turning around and storming out of the room.

xv.

Toni got to the house that night feeling like she couldn’t walk another step. First being sore from the fight, then an awful basketball practice, then the walk home which had taken twice as long because she was so tired. To top it off it had been a mentally exhausting day as well, she had detention every Saturday for the next month, and every lunch until Thanksgiving break, which was three weeks away. She didn’t know what Shelby’s punishment was, if she even had one.

Toni quietly made her way to her room. It was small, the size of a large closet, but it was hers which was more than she could say about most foster homes. Toni didn’t know where her foster parents were, they liked to disappear for days at a time, but Toni didn’t mind. They didn’t care what Toni did as long as she didn’t steal anything, have anyone over, or draw any attention to their neglect. As far as Toni was concerned it was the best family she’s been placed with in ages.

The couple had two older children, but they had moved out a few years before leaving the house empty. Toni had only been there since half-way through the summer, but she understood the routine. She could eat the food and come and go as she pleased, but as soon as she drew the attention of police or her caseworker she was out.

All Toni wanted to do was collapse in her small lumpy bed, but first she shed off her jacket and carefully hung it up. It was an old brown Carhartt jacket, but it had been her mom’s. The only thing Toni had of hers.

She had carried it from house to house, often leaving behind other clothes in favor of the bulky jacket. It had taken her years to grow into, but since she had she rarely took it off, and when she did, she carefully hung it up.

Toni finally collapsed in her bed.

She fell asleep thinking about Shelby and Andrew. How one of them was obviously the better one. How Shelby was the better one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one, but my plan for this is to get five parts in each chapter and most of these parts ended up being really long. Let me know what y'all think about this chapter, it's pretty different than the others, more about Toni and her relationships with not a ton of Shelby.  
> I'm planning on writing a chapter from Shelby's POV soon, let me know if you want that or if you'd prefer just Toni's.  
> Please leave a comment, I love know what y'all think about it.  
> Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!!


	4. xvi-xx

xvi.

“Toni, can I talk to you for a moment?” Coach Burke called after he dismissed the rest of the team.

“Of course, Coach,” Toni replied and stayed behind to talk, she hadn’t done anything in class or practice that day or the day before, so she didn’t know what he had to talk about.

Coach Burke looked around to make sure the rest of the girls were gone before he started, “Well you know next Friday I will be naming the captain, and you also know you’re the best one for the job.”

Toni hesitantly nodded, she wasn’t sure where he was going with this.

“But I can’t name someone captain who has detentions everyday and constantly gets in fights,” Toni opened her mouth to argue that he had been the one to give her the detentions but her just continued on, “I know what you’re about to say, but no it is not my fault you have those detentions. You deserve them and you know it.”

Toni clenched her jaw but nodded her agreement. Whether she deserved that many or not, a punishment hadn’t been uncalled for.

“That being said, I still think you would make a great captain,” Toni relaxed her jaw as she looked at him in hope, “Bring you attitude down in class, and by that I mean nonexistent, and really show your commitment to the team and the captain spot can be yours.”

“Sounds good coach, definitely will do,” Toni nodded.

“Ok good,” Coach Burke studied the girl for a moment before dismissing her, “Head home and get some sleep, and remember, be docile in class tomorrow. If you know how to,” He called after her making Toni laugh.

xvii.

Toni sat quietly next to Shelby the next day. It seemed to take a few minutes for Shelby to realize she wasn’t saying anything.

“Well this will be a nice class,” Shelby said brightly after ten minutes of Toni remaining quiet.

Throughout the class Shelby grew more and more annoying. She would push the textbook so it covered most of Toni’s desk, when she raised her hand, she would wave it excessively and Toni saw her looking at her from the corner of her eye. She would consistently make remarks under her breath or to Toni, remarks that would usually bait Toni into an argument.

Toni hadn’t realized how many of their interactions started with Shelby, she had just assumed she started all the arguments, but apparently not.

It wasn’t until the end of class when Coach had given them time to work on homework with their partners that Shelby really tested Toni’s patients.

“So, do you have any plans for this weekend?” Shelby asked, something she never had before, which made Toni roll her eyes. An action Shelby seemed to see as it spurred her to continue, “Hmm, well I’m volunteering with my boyfriend.”

Toni tightened her grip on her pencil as she restrained herself from commenting.

“We try to volunteer every weekend leading up to Christmas.”

“It’s not even Thanksgiving,” Toni gritted out, she knew she shouldn’t let Shelby urge her on, but it was too difficult.

Shelby looked at Toni in surprise, “Never to soon for giving back,” She paused to see in Toni would comment, but Toni was doing her best to push through without saying anything else. “Plus, Andrew insisted, he’s such a great guy.”

Toni felt Shelby staring at her; she turned to look at her defiantly. She was not going to be drawn into a fight. She watched as Shelby slowly smiled and excitement grew in her eyes; Toni dreaded what was about to be said.

“You should look into getting a boyfriend like Andrew.”

Toni’s pencil snapped; Shelby looked down at it in surprise then looked at Toni in interest. Toni could tell she thought she won; she thought a fight was coming.

“Coach, can I go to the bathroom?” Toni asked instead as she glared daggers at Shelby.

“Of course,” He responded without looking up.

Toni stormed out of the room and threw away her now destroyed pencil as she did.

“This class just got more boring, I didn’t know that was possible,” Toni heard Fatin say before she closed the door.

xviii.

“Why does she hate me?” Toni groaned from where she was collapsed on Martha’s sofa.

Toni could feel Martha’s exasperated look even if she couldn’t see it through her closed eyes, “Because you never feed her, or play with her, or give her love. You just lock her in the back yard when she’s too hyper.”

Toni turned her head, so she was looking at Martha and Maggie, the terrier that Martha had rescued a year prior.

“I just want to be loved,” Toni whined dramatically as she rolled off the sofa and began crawling pitifully towards the dog.

“Well, it looks like your wish is going well,” Martha noted at Maggie began licking Toni’s face causing Toni to cover her face with her hands.

“This is too much love,” Was Toni muffled reply before she finally detangled herself from the dog and stood up.

Martha just laughed at her friend as she continued to shower Maggie with love and affection.

“Regan should be here soon,” Martha told Toni once she returned from the kitchen where she had been getting water.

“Cool, I didn’t know she was coming today,” Toni commented slightly confused.

Martha and Regan were friends, but not the type that would ever hangout on their own. Toni didn’t think the three of them had ever actually hung out randomly before, not where they hadn’t already been together because they were leaving school or a school event. The more Toni thought about it the more confused she grew.

“Actually, and you know I love Regan, not like that but still, why is she coming?” Toni asked, Martha seemed at a lost for words, and she looked slightly guilty, “Not that I’m against it, just curious.”

“Well-” Martha was cut off by a knock on the door, causing Maggie to jump away from her and instantly begin barking at the door.

“Don’t worry about it, Martha,” Toni laughed as Martha continued to look guilty, “It’s no big deal, I’ll let her in.”

Toni made the short trip to the front door and held Maggie by her collar as she opened the door to let Regan in.

“Sorry, she gets really excited about new people,” Martha said from behind Toni and Regan just laughed it off.

“It’s fine, she’s adorable,” Regan got on the floor and Maggie was immediately all over her causing her to squeal.

“She’s never greeted me like that,” Toni huffed bitterly and glaring at the dog causing her friends to laugh.

“Get over yourself,” Martha pushed her lightly from the back, but it was barely a tap, so Toni didn’t even sway, “Come on, let’s go to the living room.”

Toni and Regan followed her, with Maggie trotting loyally beside Regan. In the living room, Toni collapsed back onto the sofa. Regan sitting more calmly on the other side and Maggie sat in front of her forcing Regan to give her attention.

“So, what are we going to do? Watch a movie?” Toni suggested through a yawn.

“Well actually,” Martha hesitantly started.

“We wanted to talk to you about something,” Regan finished confidently.

Toni looked at them in confusion trying to think of anything she had done that would require an intervention. She came up blank. The only think she could think of was the fight with Andrew and his friends, but that had been over a week ago, surely, they would have mentioned it already if it was that.

“Alright,” Toni drew out the word as she continued to look at her friends, “What did I do this time?”

“It’s not so much one thing as it is a constant pattern we’ve noticed,” Martha explained, which really explained nothing.

“Yeah, you’re going to have to give me more than that,” Toni sat up and rested her elbows on her legs, leaning forward.

“It’s just, well you see,” Martha shifted before continuing, “We’ve just noticed that around, well, around this one person, not that we’re ever really there,” Martha continued fumbling over her words before Regan cut her off.

“It’s about Shelby,” Toni stared at Regan in shock, “Goodkind,” Regan added after an uncomfortably long pause.

“Yes, I know who the fuck Shelby is. What I’m wondering is why you want to talk about that bitch.”

Toni couldn’t decide who to look at, finally she settled on Regan as she felt guilty glaring at Martha.

“Look Toni, we’re just kinds confused honestly. I mean, obviously you hate her,” Regan began, “But, it’s just odd, you seem to hate her so much more than anyone else, including those guys last week, one of which was her boyfriend which I’m sure you know.”

Toni rolled her eyes, this was a pointless conversation, what’s not to hate about Shelby. “Obviously I hate those guys too, but Shelby’s worse, believe me. You guys just don’t know her as well as me.”

“Well, what makes her worse,” Martha questioned, but not like she really wanted to know, more like she wanted Toni to realize something, which just angered her more.

“Everything! She’s obnoxious in class, she thinks she’s better than everyone else, she’s beyond homophobic, and she’s to dumb to realize how much of a dick her boyfriend and friends are,” Toni ranted, the conversation was just getting her angrier, halfway through her spiel Maggie had left the room at the raised voice.

“You’re blaming her for what her boyfriend said?” Regan asked, she actually did seem curious, “You do realize most of the things he said were demeaning of her?”

Toni sighed in frustration, they just were not getting it, “Yes, and I pity her for not seeing that, and I hate him for being so cruel. But it’s just,” Toni pause, she looked for a word but came up empty, “It’s just her, something about her. You guys would get it if you had to spend anytime with her like I do.”

“Toni, I just feel like you’re being unreasonable. I fully understand you not liking her, but I’ve talked to her a few times and she really doesn’t seem that bad-”

Toni cut Martha off before she could continue. “Then she was obviously being a fake bitch to you,” Martha winced at Toni’s harsh tone directed toward her and Toni took a breath before continuing. “Listen, she’s awful and everything she does rubs me the wrong way. I have never had a conversation with her that didn’t make me want to off myself.”

“But specifically, what-” Martha began but Toni cut her off again before she could get to far into her sentence.

“She’s just too fucking perfect,” Toni stood up and the sudden movement made Regan and Martha flinch. Toni didn’t see that as she resorted to pacing the length of the living room. “Every fucking thing about her seems planned out and critiqued. Her hairs too perfectly straight. Her teeth are too perfectly white. Everything about her it too perfect. Perfect family, perfect boyfriend, perfect fucking life.”

“But you know that’s not true,” Regan tried to cut in, but Toni barely heard her.

“And she hates me too you know. Constantly doing anything possible to push my buttons and make me snap. And of course, I always get the blame cause I’m the screw up while she’s the fucking princess,” Toni threw herself back down on the sofa and let out a loud sigh before taking a deep breath.

The girls sat in silence for a few moments before Toni added, “I’m sorry,” She squeezed her eyes shut already feeling tears start to form. These were her two best friends, her two only real friends. She hated when she lost her temper at them, she didn’t deserve them. “Can we do something else?”

She kept her eyes closed so she didn’t see the look Regan and Martha gave each other.

“Of course,” Martha responded, and stood up to offer a hand to Toni to pull her up, “Let’s go get some food.”

xix.

Toni was in pain. Her side in stiches and breathing labored. Of course, that’s why she decided to go for a run, so at least her methods were working.

Toni had discovered something important about herself from a young age, when she’s angry she can either hurt herself or others. Basketball hadn’t started yet so hurting others in a semi sportsman like way was off the tables, and considers it was the weekend the only people she could see were her friends or her foster parents. She couldn’t hurt her friends, and if she hurt her foster parents, she would risk being moved, so that left herself, hence the running.

Toni was in good shape from basketball, but there’s basketball endurance and cross-country endurance, one of which she definitely did not have.

Toni slowed to a stop once she reached the head of the trail at which she had started. It had been a four-mile loop which she had ran in just under 32 minutes. Toni grabbed the water bottle she had left under a bench and began to walk around while drinking.

After she caught her breath and her cramp eased off, she lightly stretched. Toni hated stretching, it annoyed her, once she was done, she just wanted to be done, but she knew with the way she had run tomorrow would be rough if she didn’t stretch. Once she was done, she sat down at a picnic bench and leaned her head back so she was looking up at the clouds and breathed deeply.

Most of her anger had been burnt off, it had been brewing since Coach told her to calm down, and after her friends had tried to talk to her the day before it had deepened. Luckily basketball season official started in two weeks so Toni would have an outlet. Until then Toni figured she’d be going on more runs, maybe she could figure out a way to run her way home if she could put her backpack somewhere.

As Toni contemplated how she could run home without wearing her backpack she her voices approach. At first Toni ignored them, but as they drew closer, she slowly started to recognize one. The Texan accent made it hard to mistake.

Toni looked up just as Shelby walked out of the trail with another girl.

“Fuck no,” Toni said quietly as the two girls approached.

Toni hadn’t passed them on the trail so they must have come from a side trail. The girl next to Shelby was shorter with wild curly brown hair, she looked less like a model that who Toni expected Shelby to hang out with.

As the girls drew closer Toni examined Shelby. Her hair was back in a ponytail, something Toni had never seen before, and she wore pink leggings with a grey sweatshirt. It was the least put together Toni had ever seen her, even though she still managed to look like a model.

The girl next to Shelby noticed her first, Shelby’s eyes were firmly on the ground as she ranted about something.

“Good afternoon,” The girl lightly said when they were a few feet away.

Toni didn’t spare her a glance, instead kept her gaze locked on Shelby. She watched as Shelby’s face changed when she spotted her. She had looked up with a smile, probably planning on echoing her friends greeting, but once she recognized Toni her eyes widened in shock before narrowing and filling with anger.

Toni was amazed at the effect she had on Shelby. It was the same thing she had noted in class a few days prior. Where Toni had always assumed, she was the one who got mad and picked fights, Shelby was just as willing to start something.

“Are you kidding me?” Shelby quietly said in exasperation while rolling her eyes to the sky. “Good afternoon,” She mockingly added after.

“Now that didn’t sound sincere,” Toni smirked back, she was exhausted from her run, but a fight with Shelby seemed like the perfect thing to run the rest of her anger out.

“You want me to be sincere to you? That’s asking to much,” Shelby bitched back. Her friend looked between the two in confusion, but Toni ignored her. Toni used her arms to prop herself up so she now sat on the picnic table with her feet on the seat. She placed her elbows on her knees and leaned forward.

“Aw, I do bug you. Good to know it’s mutual.”

“I just don’t understand why you run so hot all the time,” Shelby said causing Toni to clench her jaw. She hated it when people called out her anger issues, it made her feel weak.

“What, you trying to figure me out? Understand me? You trying to treat me as some charity case, thanks but I’ll pass,” Toni responded and looked Shelby up and down in disgust. She hated how Shelby thought she was so much better than everyone else.

“Believe me I’m not trying to understand anything about you. I can’t wait till we’re not in the same class and I never have to think about you ever again,” Shelby ignored her friend when she tried to pull Shelby away from the argument.

Toni glared at Shelby as she took in what she said. There was no way that was true. With how much time Toni spent thinking about Shelby and everything about her that Toni hated there was no way she didn’t do the same.

“I bet you think of all the things you wish you could say to me. All the things you hold back so as not to ruin your perfect little image. But you don’t have the guts to say them,” Toni stood up and approached Shelby, by now her friend had walked down the trail a little, seeming as if she wanted to stay out of it. “You have everyone in our fucking school fooled, but I see you.”

Toni glared at Shelby before turning to leave, after one step she felt a kick at her legs causing her to stumble. She whipped around to glare at Shelby and threw her arms up in frustration. “Is that all you’ve got?” She questioned.

Shelby took a step forward, “I have strength for lots more but I’m not going to waste it on you. You’re not worth it.”

Toni didn’t react. She was used to being told she wasn’t worth it. She wasn’t worth anything. Instead she took a dig at the one thing Shelby clung to above everything else. “You know who clings to religion? People like to tell themselves a nice story about themselves because deep down they’re hiding some pretty fucked up shit.”

Toni held her glare, but when Shelby didn’t respond Toni knew she had won.

Toni turned, snagged her water bottle from where she had left in on the picnic table and walked away.

xx.

“Everyone gather up,” Coach Burke called across the gym. The Varsity, JV, and freshman team were all at practice, so a little over thirty girls total.

Everyone rushed to put the balls up and soon everyone was making their way towards the Coach.

“You can take a seat,” He gestured toward the bleaches and everyone sat down. Toni stayed on the bottom row; she had hoped that she wouldn’t be sitting for long.

It was the Friday Coach Burke would be announcing the captain. A little over a week had past since he had asked Toni to be better in class and she had followed his command. She had barely said a word al through the week, and although she was still serving her daily lunch detentions no other ones had been added.

“As you all know it’s time to name the captain. I know most Coach’s name the captain early in the preseason so they can lead throughout, but I don’t see the point in that. I use the preseason to make the best decision possible, and although this year I was hesitant for a moment I know I have made the right choice,” Toni took a deep breath and flexed her fingers to relive her tension when Coach looked directly as her, “Toni Shalifoe, come on up.”

The girls cheered and the ones nearest her patted Toni on the back as she stood up and walked to stand next to coach.

“You’ve done girl, keep it up,” Coach Burke said to her as he patted her shoulder and handed her the captain band. Then he turned back to the rest of the team, “Now I’m not going to have Toni say anything because honestly I fell like she’ll be at a loss of what to say if there’s not another team to go and beat, and I don’t want your first impression of her as captain to be of her embarrassing herself. So, you guys are free to go, I know it’s a little early, but it is Friday. And starting next Friday we have our first game so don’t get used to it.”

Toni walked to the locker room with the rest of the team. They were congratulating her and teasing her. Toni was in the best mood she’d been in ages; she pushed any though of Shelby far from her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent about ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell "mutual", I was confident there was an r but apparently not. Fun fact I actually suck at spelling and grammar so I'm sorry for that, I try to edit everything but let me know what I can improve on because I know there's alot.
> 
> Also good news: Next chapter is from Shelby's POV
> 
> I'm trying to update about every other day and will try to keep that up.
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!!


	5. xxi-xxv

xxi.

Andrew’s arm was a heavy weight on Shelby’s shoulder. They were sitting near the bottom of the bleachers, in the corner of the student section, Shelby against the side with Andrew beside her, talking to his friends. There were other girls sitting in front of them that Shelby had talked to in the beginning of the game but she had fallen off the conversation quickly.

Now she just sat and watched the game. Which is what she wanted to do, just without Andrew’s arm around her. His hand hung dangerously close to her right boob which she knew was unintentional, but still made her uncomfortable.

The weight made her feel confined and trapped, she loved Andrew, but at the moment she was resisting the temptation to shrug his arm off. She contemplated going to get something from the concessions as an excuse to escape it, but she knew Andrew would make a comment on not eating crap because of her upcoming pageant so she pushed that idea to the side.

Shelby pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and let her gaze settle on the court.

Basketball season had started the week prior, but this was the first game she had attended this year. While basketball games weren’t her usual scene, she’d needed a break from her family after thanksgiving, and Andrew had presented the perfect opportunity when he’d invited her along.

Shelby knew at most schools the boys Basketball team was the big deal, the one everyone came out to watch. But not for the firebirds, no the girls’ team was the one everyone cared about, and all because of Toni Shalifoe.

Shelby watched as the brunette ran down the court drippling the ball, she called a play then quickly passed it and ran to the side to confuse the defense. Shelby couldn’t tell you the first thing about basketball, but she could tell you almost everything about Toni’s plays of the night.

Although she told herself that part of the reason she had accepted Andrews invitation wasn’t to see the other girl, but she knew it was a lie. She hadn’t seen Toni since the Friday before Thanksgiving break and she had been on Shelby’s mind throughout the week. It had made it worse that the whole week prior to break Toni had refused to speak in class. The last time she had really spoken to the girl was at the park two weeks ago.

Toni pulled the hem of her shirt up to whip her face and Shelby’s gaze fell to her exposed stomach. As soon as Shelby noticed her action’s she yanked her gaze away and turned to look at Andrew. He was talking to Michael and Jack and hadn’t said anything to Shelby in almost an hour. Shelby moved closer to him and reached up to link her left hand with his right. He allowed their hands to tangle but didn’t do anything else.

She leaned her head against his shoulder, causing her eyes to go back to the court and to Toni. She was smiling brightly as she had just made a basket and it made Shelby’s heart clench. Shelby squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore her desire for Andrew arm to be replaced with the girls on the court.

xxii.

“Ok, so I snuck past your dad so he didn’t see the giant bag of candy,” Becca said as she barged into Shelby’s room causing her to fall off the bed in surprise, “Oh, whoops,” Becca collapsed into giggles while Shelby stood up and tried to redeem herself.

“Becs you scared me to death,” Shelby said as she pulled her best friend into a hug, “And thank god, I did not want a lecture if he saw you with all this junk.”

Shelby took the bag of candy from Becca while Becca tossed her bag of clothes in the corner before collapsing onto the floor like she always did.

“Why do you always sit on the floor? I have a perfectly good bed and chair,” Shelby said even as she followed Becca to the floor and leaned against her bed, placing the bag of candy between the two.

“It’s more comfortable,” Becca explained as she slouched all the way down so her head was just propped up on her bag.

“Only you would think that,” Shelby laughed as she opened a bag of M&M’s and began eating them one color at a time.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Becca started rifling through the bag of candy as she asked it, eventually finding a couple bags of skittles and stealing them all for herself.

“Anything, as long as it had nothing to do with pageants,” Shelby sighed, all she’d heard for the last month was how she could prepare for her upcoming pageants. It took place on the first of January so she still had a month to go, and she knew her dad would only get worse as time approached. He wasn’t bad, he just wanted the best for Shelby which translated to her winning every pageant possible.

“How about we start with some movies then, I vote comedy,” Becca announced as she rolled over and began digging through the box of DVD’s Shelby kept in her room. Shelby had always preferred real DVD’s over streaming services even if they were significantly easier.

Almost three hours Shelby’s sides ached from laughter, not that the movies had been that funny, Becca just always knew what to say to make Shelby’s ugly laugh break out.

“Shh Shh,” Becca slapped Shelby’s arms to get her to quiet down, “It’s almost over, we can’t miss the best part.”

Shelby watched the screen as whatever crappy movie they had settled on ended, she dug through the bag of candy looking for sweet tarts while Becca continued to crack jokes at the lame movie.

“Well that was a good one,” Becca commented as she stood up from where the two girls had been sitting side by side at the foot of the bed, “And I have to say, I’m surprised your parents didn’t come pounding on the door asking us to keep it down.”

“They’re not that bad.” Shelby laughed, and it was true, her parents wouldn’t have gotten mad at her for laughing, she didn’t think so at least. There were pliantly of other things for them to get mad about.

Shelby didn’t notice the room had fallen into silence until Becca broke it.

“Shelb, what’s wrong?” She said quietly, drawing Shelby out of her mental hole.

“What? Nothing,” Shelby shook herself out of her slump and stood up and dusted her pajama pants off.

Becca looked at her doubtfully from where she sat perched on the edge of the bed, “I really thought you’d start this conversation by now, but it’s obvious you’re not going to, so please talk to me. You’ve been lost in your head for the past couple of months, the past month in particular.”

“It’s nothing really,” Shelby started picking up the trash to have something to do, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“So, there is something?” Becca pressed as she continued to just watch Shelby move around the room.

“No,” Shelby corrected herself, “Of course not, there’s nothing.”

Becca didn’t respond for a moment and Shelby hoped she would let it go, to no success.

“Listen, after this I won’t push it anymore,” Becca paused and Shelby glanced at her before she continued, “You can talk to me, you know that. I tell you everything, you can do the same. I promise. No judgment,” Shelby watched as Becca’s eyes started darting around the room like she wasn’t sure she should continue, but she did. “I know we’ve never actually talked about, like, that thing that happened last year,” Shelby took a deep breath and tried to calm down before she panicked, “But if you do ever want to talk about it, I’m here. And not the actual thing that happened, but just what it might mean, for you.”

Becca trailed off and Shelby just stared at some point over her left shoulder. Her hands were shaking and breathing short and rapid. Becca looked like she wanted to do something to help, but she understood anything she did would just make it worse. Eventually Shelby got her breathing under control and crossed her arms to stop them from shaking.

“Let’s go to bed,” Was all she said before leaving the room to go to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth.

Shelby looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was no longer straightened and fell in random curls. She smiled to show her missing teeth and immediately closed her mouth again. Shelby left the bathroom and returned to her room to find Becca already ready for bed and sitting under the blankets.

When Shelby entered the room, Becca looked at her for a moment before smiling and setting her phone down.

“Bed?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Shelby responded and turned off the lights. She laid in darkness as she felt Becca shift beside her. The silence felt tense, but Shelby tried to ignore it. Eventually the silence got to Becca and she broke it.

“I didn’t mean to like, offend you,” She said quietly.

“I know,” Shelby said with a sigh, she closed her eyes to block everything else out before continuing, “It’s just, I’ve never actually, It’s terrifying,” She finished and brought her hands up to cover rub her face.

There was a pause before Becca responded, like she had to collect her thoughts, “You don’t have to tell me anything specific, or even anything important. You can just talk, about anything. I know what it’s like when everything gets trapped in your head, and it’s not good.”

Shelby thought about it. Silence stretched for so long than Becca readjusted like she was planning on going to bed. Eventually though Shelby broke it.

“I wish I hadn’t stopped the fight last year. I step right in front of Andrew when she was about to hit him, she stopped her punch of course, she wouldn’t have punched me like that. But he deserved it, and Michael. They both deserved it and I shouldn’t have stopped the fight, but I was so caught up in it at the moment. You know how I am; I’ll defend him even if he doesn’t deserve it, even when he definitely doesn’t deserve it.”

Shelby stopped, she thought about when Toni had come to school with a bruised cheek and all she had done was rile her up more. She thought of when Toni had accused her of being worse than Andrew. She thought of all the things Toni had said to her, all things that should have made Shelby hate her.

“But I don’t,” Shelby continued her thought process out loud, “I really should hate her, but I don’t, not in the way I should. I hate other things instead. I hate how her hairs always down, it’s long and curly and brown. But that’s all I know, I wish I knew if it was soft, what it smelled like,” Shelby laughed at herself, she sounded like some type of creep, “I wish I knew what it felt like to run my fingers through.”

Shelby shifted, she pulled the blanket up to her chin, trying to hind from her embarrassment. It was hopeless of course, she squeezed her eyes closed and tried to block out any sounds in the room, tried to ignore that she was saying these things to another human. That she was doing anything with these thoughts besides burying them deep in her mind.

“But I also hate when her hair’s up. Because then I can see her jawline and her neck and her just everything. It’s absurdly distracting. I’m really not sure how I’m passing precal. She’s really distracting, she always spins her pencil around her fingers, and I mean always. Like we’ll be taking notes and doing problems, but instead of writing she’s just sitting there, staring out the window and spinning her pencil.”

“Of course, she sees me staring at her sometimes. It’s awful but she always things I’m about to start something so she starts something first, always picks a fight. I don’t know why I like that so much, she’s just so fiery and passionate, two things that I’m definitely not. But now she’s not even doing that anymore. I’m not sure why, but she hasn’t talked to me in class since that time we saw her at the park.”

Shelby stopped her spiel, now Becca knew exactly who she was talking about. Out of everything else she had said that really should be the least of her concern, but it still made her nervous. Shelby had to take a few deep breaths before continuing.

“I’m more upset about it than I should be. I mean you would think I would love that she’s stopped bugging me and picking fights, but now I’m the one picking fights, fights that she doesn’t partake in. I just feel so dumb, I literally miss the days we would scream at each other in class because she would at least notice me. God, I’m so fucked up,” Shelby finished with a sigh.

She rolled on her side, so she faced away from Becca. If she said anything else, she would never recover from the embarrassment.

“Good night,” Shelby mumbled.

There was no noise for a minute and Shelby wondered if Becca was asleep and if she had heard anything, but eventually she responded, “Good night Shelb. You know I love you.”

One tear fell out of Shelby’s eyes before she closed them for the night.

xxiii.

Two days later Shelby found herself in precal, and as per the new usual Toni refused to say a word.

Shelby had pushed her one-sided conversation with Becca to the back of her mind, she knew she shouldn’t have said anything to her best friend, but it had been so easy. Shelby had hoped that after she let her thoughts out, they would be gone, she wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore. Unfortunately, the opposite had happened, she became even more aware of Toni, and despite her greatest efforts she couldn’t push the new thoughts down.

Toni was working the problem Mr. Burke had assigned next to her, but Shelby just stared at her.

Her hair was down and kept falling in her face, Shelby watched as Toni continuously paused her writing to tuck her hair behind her ears just for it to fall back into her face.

Shelby sighed deeply as she drew her gaze back to her paper, she felt Toni glance at her from the side, probably thinking she was about to complain. Shelby bit her lip as she stared at the problem they were supposed to be working. It was from one of the first chapters they had covered, because mid-terms began next week, they were fully into review mode.

Shelby flipped to the beginning of her notebook and began looking for examples to help solve the problem. When she came up empty, she looked at Toni’s page beside her which showed the problem almost done.

“Toni,” Shelby quietly said, “Can you explain this problem to me?”

Toni looked at Shelby from the corner of her eye, and Shelby smiled lightly hoping it would help. Instead Toni just rolled her eyes and scoffed, she pulled her notebook closer to her so Shelby could barely see it and looked back into the textbook to continue her work.

“Geez, ok,” Shelby sat looking aimlessly around the room for a moment before her gaze fell onto the textbook as well. Shelby smiled quietly to herself as she reached for it. Shelby began flipping to the beginning of the book to find an example, but soon Toni slapped her hand down on the page to stop the movement.

“What are you doing? I was using that?” Toni criticized and tried to flip back to the page it had been on before.

“I’m looking for how to do this problem. If you won’t help me even though Mr. Burke said to work with your partner then I just have to use the book and you can wait for me to figure it out, making us both have more problems for homework,” Shelby responded.

Toni looked down at her work then up at Shelby. She bit her lip as she thought, thoroughly distracting Shelby from the current situation. It wasn’t until Toni leaned back in her seat and flipped her notebook to a blank page that Shelby realized she had been staring, again.

Shelby looked at Toni in confusion until Toni said, “Well, are you going to use the book?”

Shelby rolled her eyes and pulled the textbook closer to her and began flipping through. Toni would rather have to do extra problem for homework than help her solve one question, perfect.

xxiv.

“As you all know your exam is the first one you will be taking,” Mr. Burke reminded everyone at the beginning of class on Friday, “First period Monday morning. So, while you have no more homework, I urge you to use your time today to go over the review with your partners and ask me any questions the two of you cannot figure out.”

The class immediately broke out into talking, the majority of which was not math related.

“And please stay on topic,” Mr. Burke added, although he knew it was mostly a loss cause.

Shelby turned to look at Toni hopeful, but found her sleeping with her head buried in her arms just as she had been when Mr. Burke began talking. Her hair fanned out across her back and arms so all she could see was her tan jacket her always wore and her dark brown hair. Shelby contemplated what to do. She wanted to see if Toni would work on the review guide with her, but she also knew she would be most likely be rejected if she tried.

“Are you going to do anything besides stare at me all class?” The heap of hair and cloth said beside her, causing Shelby to jump and a blush to begin covering her face.

“How did-” Shelby began before realizing it was probably better not to admit to anything, “I mean, I was just wonder if you were going to do any work or just sleep all class.”

“What’s it to you?” Toni questioned as she raised her head yawning, Shelby watches as she rubbed her face and blinked sleep from her eyes.

“Just curious if I would actually have a partner to work with or if I should move desks,” Toni perked up at that and looked around.

“Is that an option?” This was the most Toni had talked in weeks, Shelby factored it to the fact she looked like she was still trying to wake up.

“What, moving desk? I doubt it, he’d probably lecture us about learning to work with people you don’t like,” Shelby regretted her words as she said them. It would probably be best not to remind Toni that she hated Shelby while they were having an actual conversation. Luckily it didn’t seem the reminder affected the brunette.

“Yeah, he likes to pretend he’s giving out lifelong advise to cover torture,” Shelby wrinkled her nose at the implication talking to her was torture, but it didn’t seem like Toni noticed as she continued, “Pretty sure you’re stuck here.”

Toni began taking her jacket off, while Shelby looked on in confusion. After her jacket was off Toni pulled off the basketball sweatshirt she had been wearing underneath. Shelby stared with wide eyes as the motion brought her shirt up as well, baring her stomach and underside of her bra. She swallowed as her eyes fell to the subtle shape of Toni’s abs before her now free arm reached down to pull her shirt back in place.

She then began manipulating the sweatshirt to act as a pillow; Shelby continued to look on, her mind not fully processing that she was blatantly staring. Toni’s shirt was still askew from taking her sweatshirt off and Shelby watched as her muscular arms disappeared as she put her trademark jacket back on. It wasn’t until Toni was laying back down on her new pillow that she noticed Shelby.

“What now?” She tiredly asked.

Shelby mentally tried to grasp the situation, eventually realizing Toni once again mistook her appreciation as judgement.

“Just accepting the fact you’re no help in this class, and I have to do this whole review guide on my own.”

“Actually, you don’t,” Shelby’s hopes went up before they were brought right back down as Toni continued, “It’s optional, remember.”

Shelby kept her gaze on Toni until it became clear she wasn’t going to budge from her comfortable position.

Shelby rubbed her face and breathed out to clear her head. She then pulled out her review guide and began working the problems. As much as she wished Toni would help her, she had spoken more than another day of the past month. So as embarrassing as it may be Shelby deemed that precal class a success.

xxv.

“So, what do you think? Pretty right?” Andrew said from where he sat on the bed next to her.

Shelby looked down at his present she had just opened. It was gorgeous. A necklace with a silver chain and a simple but elegant pendent. The pendent was one of The Virgin Mary, it was decorated with beautiful but subtle gems.

“I love it,” Shelby said, and she did, in theory. But in practice that didn’t carry over.

“Here, I’ll help you put it on,” Andrew pulled the necklace from the box and Shelby moved her hair so he could clip in in the back. She stiffened when his hands toughed her neck but forced herself to relax as he cupped the back of her neck and held the pendent in the palm of his other hand. He them let in fall around her neck and smile, “Looks great on you,” He said when he looked at it, but Shelby saw his eyes drift lower than the pendant.

She looked down and saw that it rested at the same length as her cross, they laid on top of each other so she couldn’t see the cross. She bit her tongue as she stared at the two necklaces. She would have to take the pendant off later, she couldn’t wear both and there was no way she was taking off her cross, she never did.

“Sorry but I didn’t bring your gift. I didn’t know we were exchanging them today,” Shelby apologized when she brought her gaze back up to Andrew. He still had one hand cupping the back of her neck while the other laid on her leg.

“That’s ok babe, I know other thing we can do,” He smiled as he leaned in, Shelby forced out a giggle before returning the kiss, but after a moment she pulled away.

“Andrew, you know we can’t, I mean,” She trailed off as she looked at Andrews door. Technically it was supposed to be open, but his parents never checked on them like Shelby’s did. That was one of the few reasons Shelby preferred her house.

“It’s ok, you know they won’t come in,” He brushed her off and went back in for the kiss.

Shelby kissed him back and placed her hand on his cheek. His went to her waist and pulled her closer. The stubble on his jaw scratched at Shelby’s cheek and hand but she just kissed him deeper. One of his hands dipped and fall to her butt causing her to tense and pull back.

“Wait, wait,” Shelby said as she leaned away.

“No, come on,” Andrew pressured and pulled her closer again.

“No Andrew,” Shelby turned her head to avoid his kiss, but instead he trailed his kisses down her neck, once again his stubble scratching along the way, “Andrew stop.”

Shelby pulled his hands off her and he finally backed off with a sigh, “Seriously?” He questioned indignantly.

“You know how it is Andrew,” She reminded him, “I just don’t want to get carried away, it would be to easy.” Shelby mentally grimaced at the idea of doing anything more than kissing but made sure it didn’t show on her face.

“But babe,” Andrew began, but Shelby cut him off before he could continue.

“Andrew, I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” She said sternly, and he just scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever Shelby,” He moved back on his bed and pick up his phone.

Shelby looked at him as she contemplated what to do, eventually she just stood up and slipped on her shoes. Andrew didn’t look up as she prepared to leave.

“I’ve got to go,” Shelby said even though they both knew she didn’t, “I’ll text you later.”

“Yeah, bye,” Andrew said still not looking up, Shelby contemplated if she should say or do anything else before deciding against it. She went downstairs and out the front door without running into Andrew’s parents.

Once she got home, she immediately washed her face trying to get the feeling of his stubble off her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, it was the most difficult to write so far. Going into it I wasn't positive where I wanted to place Shelby mentally, so let me know what you guys think about my decision. Basically in this au Shelby still kissed Becca, but her parents never found out. She no longer likes Becca, but Becca has been there for her which is why I have her where she is.
> 
> In other news I have a couple ideas bouncing in my head for my next fic (which I won't truly start until I'm finished with this one) one of which is a Hogwarts au, so if y'all could comment what house you think each of the eight girls is in that would be great, I have my rough idea but would love for some second opinions.
> 
> I'm hoping to have another chapter out on Christmas and stick to my every other day schedule, from what I have planned for the next chapter it should be a good one.
> 
> Lastly I would like to add that I've gone to a Catholic school my whole life (although I don't consider myself Catholic) So much of my writing about Shelby's religion comes from things I've learned from my back ground, it might not be 100% accurate with a strong Christian unbring in Texas but I'm going to do my best to stay accurate.
> 
> Leave a comment to let me know what you thought!!


	6. xxvi-xxx

xxvi.

Toni was in a great mood, which was odd for multiple reasons. For one it was the first day break after break, no one should be in a good mood. For another winter had fully set in, meaning now she had to walk to and from school in freezing weather, sometimes with snow. The most notable reason not to be in a good mood was first period pre-cal, after over two weeks away from Shelby, Toni was not looking forward to seeing the girl again. But none of these things could ruin Toni’s good mood, at least she thought.

Toni had spent Christmas with Martha’s family, as she tried to every year although it rarely worked out. Her foster parents had been somewhere, on some vacation Toni assumed so it had not been an issue. The basketball team was thriving, they were undefeated and set to play their biggest rivals the coming Friday. Toni walked into first period with a hop in her step.

She sat down in her regular seat and drummed excitedly on the desk, Shelby wasn’t there yet, but most of the rest of the class was. The girl who sat in front of Toni, Fatin, turned around at Toni’s excessive noise.

“Someone’s in a good mood, morning sex?” Toni laughed loudly at that. Right as she was about to respond the chair next to her was suddenly filled. Shelby had sat down heavily and immediately folded her arms and laid her head down. Toni looked at her in mild confusion. Not exactly the attitude she expected to see from a Jesus freak after Christmas.

“You good there princess?” Toni laughed, “Shouldn’t you be on a Christmas high or some shit?” Toni questioned as the bell rang to begin class.

Shelby didn’t respond and kept her head buried. Toni stared at her, her hair was pin straight, like usual, no way that was natural, and she was wearing a pink sweatshirt. She lifted her head once Coach Burke started talking. She looked like she usually did, make up perfectly done, not an eyelash out of place. But she looked exhausted and her eyes were dull.

“Would you stop staring at me,” Shelby said harshly, causing Toni to jerk her gaze to the front of the room, she hadn’t even noticed she was staring.

“Geez, who pissed in your holy water?” Toni muttered; she could already feel her good mood deteriorating.

“Can you not?” Shelby turned at her and Toni startled at the aggression, “How about you just give me a break for one day. Just don’t,” Shelby brought her perfectly manicured hands up and gestured aimlessly before covering her face and breathing out deeply. Toni just watched in confusion and slight concern.

“I didn’t-” Toni began but immediately stopped at the glare Shelby gave her when she removed her hands. Toni glanced around the room to see most students glancing at them while Coach Burke stood at his podium doing something on his laptop. She looked back at Shelby to see her still glaring. Shelby’s jaw was tense like she was having a mental argument with herself. “Are you okay,” Toni tried to ask, but Shelby barely let her finish.

“Dear lord, why do you care?” Shelby looked at Toni like she actually wanted an answer. Toni didn’t give one, she would probably be cut off again anyway, and she didn’t know what answer to give. “Great, now you decide to be quiet.” Shelby put her head back down.

Toni sat in her chair, stuck to the spot by confusion. She looked at Fatin, who looked equally confused, but more amused. Toni failed to see the amusement; her confusion was slowly transitioning to concern.

“Listen, I think-” She tried again, only to be cut of once more.

“I don’t care what you think,” Shelby jerked her head up and stood up, “Somehow you manage to make every day worse for me, which is a feat honestly. And I’m not dealing with this.” Shelby grabbed her backpack and left. She just walked out of the room.

Toni stared after her, as did the rest of the class.

“Why did she leave? What happened Toni?” Coach Burke questioned from the front of the room in utter confusion.

Toni opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“This actually wasn’t Toni’s fault for once,” Fatin said, which Toni appreciated, although she didn’t think the addition was necessary.

“Ok, well, I have to call the office,” Coach Burke said before stepping into the hall.

The class sat in silence. Until he came back in and started a new lesson as usual.

Toni didn’t retain a single thing from the lesson. She spent the entire time thinking about Shelby. Specifically marveling at how she had managed to drag Toni’s wonderful mood all the way down.

xxvii.

Toni’s bad mood carried throughout the day, all the way through basketball practice. Halfway through practice Coach pulled her out of the drills and sent her to watch the freshmen team and critic them, he had been scared she would injure one of her teammates if she kept participating.

Practice ran long, but Coach eventually called it. He dismissed everyone except varsity, the remaining girls gathering up.

“Ok, today’s practice may not have been great,” He began.

“Sorry Coach,” Toni mumbled at the slight pause.

“Be better tomorrow,” Is all he said before continuing, “So we really have to bring it the next couple of days, not enough to wear you out, but enough to be nice and ready for our big game against the Ravens this Friday!”

All the girls, including Toni, cheered at the end. The Raven were the mascot of their biggest rivals, Hillwood High. The games against them were always intense and packed the stands.

“And one last thing before we’re done for the night,” He paused and glanced at Toni before continuing, “Doesn’t really affect the game, but Shelby Goodkind will be presented before the game and sing the national anthem for the school to recognize her most recent win at the New Year Pageant this past week.”

“You’re kidding right?” Toni demanded; the rest of the girls looked at her in surprise.

“No Toni, this is happening so don’t even try,” He gave her a stern look and she bit her lip to stop from responding. “Everyone’s dismissed, remember the most important things this week are sleep and healthy meals.”

The team choired back their understanding and retreated to the locker room, Toni following a few steps behind. As if Shelby hadn’t ruined her day, now she had ruined her whole week and the biggest game of the season so far.

xxviii.

“And Shelby, I meant to say this yesterday, but didn’t really get the chance,” Coach Burke said at the beginning of pre-cal the next day. Shelby was in class, acting perfectly normal as if the day before had never happened. Toni was ignoring the fact that it had happened as well in favor of being mad at Shelby, “Congratulations for your win in the New Year Pageant.”

“Aw, thank you Mr. Burke,” Shelby responded with too much pep, “It’s really nothing.”

“You can say that again,” Toni mumbled under her breath. She felt Shelby look at her, but she didn’t say anything. Toni was slightly upset; she had been hoping she would pick a fight.

Throughout the class Toni continuously made comments to rile Shelby up, anything she thought that would make her loss her cool. It was practically the opposite of how their interactions had been before break. Then Toni had been the one ignoring Shelby and Shelby had been the one trying to pick a fight. They had done a 180.

Shelby seemed like she was doing everything in her power to ignore Toni, she didn’t look at her and didn’t react to anything she said. Toni was running out of ideas for how to get her to break, but then she was presented the perfect opportunity with about ten minutes lefts in class.

The class was given time to work on the homework problems out of the book, the two girls began working on them in silence. Or at least Shelby began working them Toni was busy getting distracted by Shelby.

She stared at her as she tried to think of something to make her snap. She had been insulting the pageants she partook in all class, bust obviously that wasn’t cutting. Just as Toni was promising herself, she would find something tomorrow something caught her eye. Shelby had just tucked her hair behind her ear, but instead of it continuing to fall in front of her shoulder, she flipped it, so it fell behind her back. This action exposed Shelby’s neck and ears, and consequently the small hickey beneath her ear.

On anyone else this wouldn’t have been a big deal, but on Shelby it was just what she needed. Toni brought on hand up and lightly poked the hickey. Shelby flinched to hard the textbook fell of their desks.

“What is wrong with you?” Shelby hissed as she rubbed on the spot Toni had touched as if she was trying to wash her touch off.

“Nothing,” Toni smirked as Shelby continued to stare at her in anger and confusion. If Toni had known all she had to do to rile Shelby up was touch her this could have been a lot easier, “You just might want to keep your hair down today. Wouldn’t want to ruin your perfect girl image, would we?”

Shelby’s face shifted to more confusion than anger and she continued to hold her hand over the spot Toni had touched. She was sitting on the very edge of her chair, as far away form Toni as she could get without standing up.

“What are you-” Shelby trailed off, she looked utterly confused which caused Toni to laugh. A quick glance around the room told her they hadn’t drawn attention of the class yet.

“I would say let Andrew know I said hi, but I hate that dick, so maybe not. Although he is dating you, so I also pity him. It’s really quite complicated,” Toni said, she watched as recognition slowly covered Shelby’s face, it immediately flooded with disgust which Toni attributed to her insult.

“You need to mind your own business,” Shelby said, she suddenly sounded like she was somewhere else. That wouldn’t do, Toni needed her full presence for a full fight.

“Sorry,” Toni said unapologetically, “When your boyfriends leach marks are right in front of me it’s hard for me to feel anything but disgust.” Shelby didn’t looked like she was going to respond to that so Toni quickly continued, “You should hope that goes away before Friday when you’re presented at my game, or actually, leave it there, it would definitely leave a statement.”

Toni knew she was making a big deal out of nothing. She saw multiple people with hickeys every day and it never bothered her, just made her laugh, but something about this was different. It put a foul taste in her mouth to think about Andrew and Shelby like that, she hated both of them so it made sense thinking of them tomorrow would make her want to barf.

“How about you leave me around,” Shelby sighed as she smoothed her hair so that it fully covered her ears. She sounded so defeat Toni considered backing off, but then she remembered how she was going to the presented at the basketball game and continued.

“Rich coming from you, you wouldn’t let be rest last quarter when I was just trying not to get in trouble. All you would do was pick fights and judge me, so you really can’t talk.” Toni responded, she actually did want an explanation for that, although she figured she wasn’t going to get one.

“Well, sorry about that,” Shelby said as the bell ran signally that class was over, Toni hadn’t even noticed the time passing, “How about we both try something new and stay out of each other’s business.” With that Shelby threw her backpack over her shoulder and walked out the door.

Toni sat for a moment trying to figure out why she felt worse than when she had walked into class.

xxix.

“And starting point guard, she hoops like a boss, best you don’t cross, number 3, Toni Shalifoe,” The announcer said, but it was almost drowned out by the cheers. It seemed like half the school had come to the game and Toni was prepared to give them a good game.

She jogged onto the courted and hyped up the crowd, she then set up for a three pointer and shoot. Nothing but net. The student section went wild. They knew it was going to be a good game. Toni moved to stand beside her teammates, accepting the high five from Jess who she stood beside.

Toni drowned out the noise as she shook out her nerves and mentally prepared for the game. They had already warmed up and the opponents had already been introduced. Leaving just the national anthem and the coin toss before the game could being.

Just as Toni came out of her game focused daze, the announcer spoke again, “And now, our very own Shelby Goodkind, winner of the annual New Year’s pageant, here to sing the national anthem.”

Toni tried to avoid looking at the blonde, but it was impossible. She was wearing a yellow dress that fell to just above her knees, cute and casual for her, but beyond fancy for Toni. The dress was strapless, and Toni’s eyes swept across her shoulders and neck. Her eyes fell to the heals she was wearing, if Toni stood next to her Shelby would be at least two inches taller, they made her legs look even longer than usual. As Toni’s eyes ran up her legs, she felt a sharp elbow in her side.

Toni jumped as she realized everyone was turning to the flag for the national anthem, Jess had kindly drawn her out of her daze. Her face slowly turning a subtly red Toni looked at the flag and tried to push everything, especially Shelby from her mind and focused on the fast approaching game. But then Shelby started singing.

Over the gym speakers even the best singers voiced were scratchy and distorted. But Shelby’s some how came through clear. Her voice was airy, but during some parts donned a rougher quality. Toni’s eyes dropped from the flag to the girl she had effectively ignored all week.

The two hadn’t spoken a word to each other since their argument Tuesday. Toni still found herself glancing at Shelby during class, but she was always working, never looking at Toni like Toni had grown to be used to.

Toni was yanked from her thoughts as the crowd broke into applause and Toni quickly joined in with the rest of the team. Form there everyone went to the sidelines, but Toni stayed on the court to partake in the coin toss. As she stared down the captain of the opposite team, a girl three inches taller than here, Toni ignored the imaginary tugging sensation at the back of her head.

After the coin toss was over and she reluctantly shook hands with her opponent, Toni turned to see who was behind her. There in the student section, on the bottom row sat Shelby, she was currently looking at Andrew who sat beside her, but Toni was confident that gaze had been locked on her just seconds prior. Toni stared for a second before jogging to join her team on the side.

Coach Burke quickly gave out the positions, Toni being point guard and everyone took their positions. The referee blew the whistle, the crowd cheered, and the game began.

It was immediately a physical game; Toni got her first foul called two minutes into the first quarter. Luckily the opposing team couldn’t capitalize on it, instead Toni managed to steal it and pass it resulting in a basket for their team.

As the game progressed Toni’s gaze kept drifting to Shelby whenever there was a spared moment, her yellow dress made her standout in the crowd making her easy to find. Almost every time Toni looked at her Shelby was already returning the gaze, only to immediately look away when she realized Toni had noticed.

By half time they were down by five points, and Toni had two fouls, the referees weren’t calling much which for most people was a negative but was good news for Toni. If they had different refs she could have already been out of the game. As Coach Burke went over his halftime speech and strategy Toni was staring straight at Shelby, Shelby was distracted by her boyfriend, so he didn’t notice. Halfway through her Coaches speech she realized she was retaining nothing, so she moved so her back faced Shelby. Now he couldn’t be distracted.

At the end of Coach Burkes strategizing he pulled Toni to the side.

“Toni, I don’t know where your head is, but straighten out. We need you out there, we’ve got this in the bag if you just pull yourself together.”

“Yes coach,” Toni responded, she shook her hands and pounced on her toes to settle herself. It didn’t matter that Shelby was there, didn’t affect anything.

One minute into the third quarter, the other team had already scored a three pointer and Toni realized that mentality wouldn’t work. As annoyed that she was that she kept being distracted by Shelby, pretending she wasn’t there didn’t seem to be doing any good. Toni tried a different strategy. She glanced at Shelby to see her eyes already on her.

Toni focused back at the game and shook her nerve out. Shelby was here; Shelby was watching, might as well take advantage of the situation. Toni had something to prove. She would prove this was her space, Shelby couldn’t come in and distract her.

Toni called for the ball and made a break away, the other team’s defense failed to catch up and she went in for a layup. It went in with ease and the stands broke out in cheers. Toni looked over to see Shelby staring at the floor biting her lip.

Okay, that didn’t catch her attention. Toni would do something else that would.

For the rest of the quarter Toni was everywhere, she was blocking shots and scoring and passing. By the time the buzzer was sounded for a break before the fourth quarter the firebirds were now up by two points.

“Toni, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but keep it up,” Was all Coach Burke said to her, but it was all she needed.

Toni didn’t think about why Shelby being at the game was now helping her, she just accepted it and used it.

In the last quarter the other team came back with a vengeance. Fouls were called every minute. Both of Toni’s remaining fouls were called within the first four minutes. After a foul against Toni made her end up on the ground she glanced over at Shelby. She was sitting ramp straight with her eyes trained on Toni, similar to the rest of the stands but Shelby was the only one Toni noticed.

Toni smiled to herself as she stood up and shook it off, her side might be a little bruised the next day, but nothing serious. But now Toni knew Shelby was fully paying attention. She used the foul to score a three pointer and from then on the Ravens never stood a chance.

When the final buzzer sounded the Firebirds were up by seven, the student section rushed the court and Toni ignored the nagging part of her brain that told her to think about why she did better because of Shelby.

xxx.

“Ok, this one is about to be a strike, I can feel it. And I dedicate it to you Toni, the fucking queen of the court!” Regan pointed to Toni dramatically and raised her voice at the end. The she turned around and began awkwardly stumbling to their lane under the weight of the bowling ball.

“You’ve said that every time,” Toni called after her, “And it can’t be a strike if you already got a gutter ball on your first roll.” Toni and Martha watched as Regan rolled the ball knocked over two pins. They both busted out laughing as Regan sulked back to their table.

“My turn,” Martha declared, “I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Sure enough Martha got a spare, and Regan began whining when she sat back down.

“Way to make me look bad, why did I even agree to bowling?” Regan pouted.

“Because we had to celebrate this one’s big win,” Martha gestured her hands to Toni like she was presenting her, “And there’s nowhere else with something to do at 10:30 at night.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Regan conceded and smiled widely at Toni to show that she was just messing around.

Toni laughed with her friends and got up for her turn. The three girls had gone to the bowling alley after the game. Toni had showed first and then they were on their way. Toni pushed everything from her mind except the joy from her win and the fun of spending time with her friends. That didn’t even leave when Toni spotted a flash of yellow.

After Toni bowled, and knocked down seven pins, she walked to the concessions to refill her soda. Along the way she saw her assumption had been right, Shelby was at one of the lanes closer to the entrance with Andrew. Toni contemplated if she should do anything but found she didn’t have the desire to. Seeing the couple together put a slight damper on her mood. But it picked back up when she glanced at the score on the screen.

Shelby was at 79, and it looked like there wasn’t much of the round left. Toni just continued back to her friends and ignored the girl still in her nice dress even at the bowling alley.

“Don’t worry Regan, I found someone worse at bowling that you,” Toni said once she arrived at their table, her friends had been in the process of arguing over who should roll for Toni.

“Really? That’s impressive,” Martha said causing Toni to choke on her drink. Usually Martha was a ray of positivity, but sometimes, like tonight apparently, she grew sarcastic and it never failed to make Toni laugh.

“Yep, Shelby,” Toni said after she went her turn.

“Goodkind?” Regan asked and looked at Martha with a concerned glance which Toni saw even though she figured she wasn’t supposed to.

“Yep, she was with Andrew, her boyfriend,” Toni said and when she saw Martha and Regan share and even more concerned glance she continued, “And don’t worry, I’m not going to start something. I’m having too good of a night for that.”

Martha and Regan looked at her in surprised before laughing and giving her an over the top hug talking about how much she had grown. Toni just pushed them off with a laugh.

The girl continued to play until their game was over, then proceeded to stay at the table hanging out and talk for a while. Eventually they decided to call it a night, it was nearing 11:30 and Regan had to be home before 12.

The three girls walked outside, teasing each other as they went. But once they reached outside the sudden wave of freezing air made them all clam up. They each huddled down in their jackets and began the walk to Martha’s car, which was parked in the back of the lot as it had been busy when they first arrived. They didn’t make it far before Toni was distracted by the sound of raised angry voices.

Glancing behind her she spotted the silhouette of a couple near a car a few lanes over. Toni paused and listened, after a moment of confusion she placed the raised voice and immediately started walking toward the couple.

“infuriating. And all my friends know, do you have any idea how much shit I get from them?” Andrews voice grew louder and clearer as Toni approached. She could now easily see Shelby form between him and the car. She was hunched in on herself, but Toni couldn’t tell if it was from fear or from the cold as she was still in her strapless dress. “My own fucking girlfriend will barely kiss me, you’re such a fucking prude,” Andrew continued.

He was crowding Shelby against the car, although she still refused to look at him. “Are you even listening?” He yelled and slammed his hand against the car beside her. Shelby flinched and hunched more into herself. Toni saw red.

She grabbed Andrews collar as soon as she was close enough and yanked back. He immediately stumbled back and began hacking at the sudden pressure to his neck.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Toni yelled before either of the two had even realized her presence. She didn’t wait for him to respond, instead immediately punched him as he still held his hands around his throat to relieve the pressure. He fell back at the surprise of the hit and groaned.

Toni ignored him and turned to Shelby who alternated between staring at her then Andrew in shock.

“Are you ok?” Toni asked quietly as she took a step toward Shelby. The blonde continued to stare at her with wide eyes, as if she didn’t understand what was happening. “Shelby,” Toni prompted.

When she still didn’t respond Toni stepped forward again, so she was within reaching distance. She then reached her hand out to shake Shelby’s shoulder, but paused at the last moment realizing her shoulder was completely bare. Her hand hovered for a moment before she let it drop to her side.

Just as she opened her mouth to say something else someone, probably Martha or Regan, yelled something. Immediately after Toni was knocked toward Shelby from behind. She collided with her and grabbed at Shelby to stop them both from falling. Before realizing she was holding Shelby by the waist she let go to turn around.

Andrew was now standing up and towering over the two girls. His cheek was a bright red and both his fists clenched.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Stay out of my fucking business,” He demanded in Toni’s face.

She didn’t warrant him a response, instead jumping at him.

He was prepared for her movement and managed to land a punch on her arm, it stung but Toni ignored it in favor of leaping on his back. She tried to get him into a choke hold while he wildly spun around and clawed at her arms.

Right as she got solid contact around his throat, he slammed her against the side of his car causing her to let go. She almost fell to the ground but managed to remain standing. Andrew held a hand around his throat to try to dislodge the sensation of restricted airflow, but Toni wasted no time thinking about her pain.

She sprung at him and managed to hit his nose, causing his hands to fly to his face. She immediately kneed him in the crotch. She didn’t get contact as he was already hunched over. But enough for him to fall to his knees.

After staring at him for a moment, Toni turned back around. Her whole body ached, but she was used to fights. Glancing around she saw Shelby staring at the two of them with wide eyes. Regan and Martha stood on either side of her trying to get her to respond. She still stood near the car, although now more towards the center of the lot as she had moved to avoid the fight.

Toni stared at her and she returned the look. After an extended moment she began making her way towards the blonde.

“Are you ok?” Toni repeated her earlier question once she was within a few feet of Shelby. She scanned her visible skin, looking for any sign that Andrew had hit her before she had intervened.

“I feel like I should be asking you that,” Shelby choked out. Her face remained covering in confusion and surprise.

Toni smirked, “Nothing I’m not used to,” Her whole body felt sore, but she knew it was nothing to how she would feel the next day. The freezing air helped numb any of the scrapes or busies.

The two stared at each other for another moment. Toni didn’t know what to say. She wanted to make sure Shelby was ok, that she was safe. But she also didn’t know how to process the situation.

She had just beat up Andrew, which was nothing new, but the fact that she had beat him up for the sake of Shelby was definitely new. Toni couldn’t quite process that, and she didn’t think Shelby could either. Eventually Toni just accepted that she would have beat any guy up in that situation.

Martha and Regan continued to stand on the side, not quite sure what to do.

After the silence had carried on for way to long Shelby finally broke it, “You didn’t have to, I mean he wouldn’t,” She trialed off as if she didn’t know how to finish. But Toni could piece it together, she didn’t think Andrew would have actually hit her. While Toni didn’t know if she believed her, she knew she didn’t care. Whether he would have hit her or not was irrelevant. He deserved to be beat up just from what Toni had hear.

Toni began to respond but what cut off from noise behind her. Andre was on his feet, and while he was still hunched over and tearing up, he was glaring at Toni so hard she knew he wasn’t going to just leave.

She walked halfway to him, she didn’t want to continue the fight, but she knew that was going to happen regardless and she wanted it to be away form her friends and Shelby.

“You need to learn how to accept defeat,” She said as she looked at him.

He was standing and suddenly charged at her. She was expecting it and landed a solid punch on his stomach. That usually would have stopped him, but he was running on straight anger he just continued. He sucker punched Toni in the stomach. Most of his strength was gone, but it was still enough to knock the wind out of her.

She hunched over and gasped for breath. He finally backed away and stumbled for his car. Toni felt multiple hands on her back and shoulders. Right as she regained her breath Andrew car sped away.

“Fucking dick,” She spat after him, but she knew she had one. He had fled, he had just wanted to get on hit in before he left.

She breathed deeply as she finally became aware of what was going on around her. Regan stood to the side glaring that the spot where Andrews are had disappeared to, while Martha stood in front of Toni brushing hair out of her face. Meanwhile Shelby- Toni immediately tensed when she noticed where Shelby was.

Her hands were the ones that were on her back and shoulders. While not touching Toni’s actually skin, she felt like she could still feel the heat from her heads. Her hand was firm on her shoulder as she tried to help Toni stand up straight.

Martha was ranting while the other two remained quiet.

“I’m good, I’m good,” Toni finally said and took a step back from the others. She took a deep breath to center herself. She then shook her arms out and fully took in everything that had happened.

She turned to Shelby and asked, for the third time, if she was ok.

“Are you serious?” Shelby asked in a raised voice, “After all that, you’re still asking if I’m ok?”

“Please answer,” Regan spoke for the first time, “Other wise she’ll just keep asking.”

Shelby studied Toni and Toni tried not to react to the stare. “Yeah, yeah I’m good,” Shelby finally said. Toni opened her mouth, but Shelby continued before she could speak, “Really, I am.”

As she spoke Shelby’s hands gripped her sides tightly. Toni almost called her out for lying before realizing the action was because of the cold not the fear. Staring at Shelby, Toni’s mind slowly caught up to the fact that she was standing in freezing weather wearing a strapless dress that didn’t even go down to her knees.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Toni said in confusion.

“Well the game, and I,” Shelby trialed off. Toni knew that she had been wearing that since singing at the game, but she had trouble processing that that had only been hours earlier.

“Did you not bring a change of clothes?” Toni asked as she regarded Shelby in utter confusion.

“I did, but then- I mean I was going to but Andrew,” Shelby trailed of again and Toni just clenched her jaw at his name. If Shelby’s reason for not changing involved Andrew she’d rather not know.

“Here,” Toni said as she shrugged of her jacket and held it out to Shelby. Three girls stared at the jacket, but Toni just continued to stare at Shelby. Eventually Shelby accepted the jacket and slowly pulled it one, she face grew red as she did so, but Toni figured it was from the way Martha and Regan now stared at the two.

Shelby quietly mumbled her thanks as she burrowed into the large jacket.

Toni heard Regan say something beside her and Martha respond, but all Toni could focus on was Shelby. Her perfectly straight hair, make up, and bright yellow dress clash wildly with the worn Carhart jacket, but she still huddled in it like she belonged.

Shelby joined the conversation going on beside Toni; but Toni just heard the rhythm of her voice, not the actual words. She watched as Shelby’s green eyes, highlighted by her makeup, darted between Toni’s two friends as they discussed something.

Martha’s voice drew Toni out of her daze, “Come on Toni.”

“What?” Toni blinked and shook her head, trying to erase everything she had just thought.

“Were you listening at all?” Martha asked and Toni just blinked at her, “Whatever, I said it’s time to go home, it’s past 12 and Regan’s mom is blowing up her phone.”

“Oh, right,” Toni responded and slowly followed the other girls. She stared at Shelby’s back before transitioning her gaze to the ground.

It had been a weird night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I had wanted to get this one out earlier today, but no such luck. The day got away from me and this chapter ended up much longer than I anticipated. Throwback to when my goal for each chapter was 2000 words.
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this one so let me know what you think.
> 
> And thank you so much to anyway who responded about Hogwarts houses last chapter. It was super helpful. I had the most trouble placing Shelby, and she had the most mixed reviews so that made since. I think I have everyone placed, but feel free to continue to voice your opinion, it helps me understand the characters to see different point of views.
> 
> Also currently trying to understand twitter, I got an account earlier this year but haven't done anything because I really don't know how it works. Wow I sound like an old person, but let me know if y'all think me having twitter would be helpful.
> 
> Anyways, Merry Christmas, this is my present to y'all. feel free to leave a comment as a present back, no matter how short.


	7. xxxi-xxxv

xxxi.

Toni sat in the back seat next to Shelby. Neither girls said anything during the drive to Regan’s house, but Martha and Regan stopped the car from falling into silence as they talked in the front.

Toni made every effort to avoid looking at Shelby. She spent most the drive staring out the window, except it was completely dark out which made the window reflective, meaning Toni’s plan completely backfired and she spent the drive staring at Shelby’s reflection.

She was curled into a ball in her seat, her legs pulled up to her chest and Toni’s jacket almost completely covering her. Toni couldn’t even see her dress anymore, making it look like she was just wearing Toni’s jacket, which short circuited Toni’s brain.

Her head was resting on the window and her eyes were closed. Eventually Toni realized she was no longer staring at the window but had at some point turned her head, so she was looking straight at the blonde.

When they pulled up to Regan’s house Toni was finally pulled out of her daze. Regan sprouted out a few words of farewell before dashing into her house, the clock on the dash read 12:34, while Regan’s parents were very strict about curfew Toni hoped it would be ok once she explained what happened.

Toni was staring at the clock trying to figure out what had happened when Martha spoke.

“So, Shelby, where to?” Martha asked as she backed out of Regan’s driveway.

Toni looked to the side to see Shelby sitting in the same position, it seemed like she hadn’t heard.

“Shelby?” Martha prompt once she was back on the road and began to leave Regan’s neighborhood. Shelby still didn’t respond. Toni reached out and gently nudged Shelby’s shoulder. She immediately startled and sat up straight.

“Sorry, what?” She said as she rubbed her face with her the sleeves that covered her hands. The sleeves were long enough to cover Toni’s hands, but she always pushed them up, so her hands were free. Shelby seemed to be clutching the inside of them to keep her hands covered. Maybe she was still cold. Toni briefly considered giving her her sweatshirt too before realizing that was dumb. They were in a car with heat, they were currently driving to Shelby’s house. At least Toni assumed so, she realized she had missed the conversation.

Toni slowly became aware of her surroundings when she realized Shelby was looking at her expectantly and Martha was quiet as if waiting for her response.

“Sorry, what?” Toni repeated Shelby’s earlier words.

“I asked if you were ok,” Shelby said quietly, Toni blinked at her.

“Yeah Toni, you seem really dazed,” Martha backed her up. Toni shook the said daze from her head and tried to center herself.

“I’m fine,” When she saw Shelby disbelieving look, she continued, “Really, nothing that hasn’t happened before.”

“That’s not reassuring.”

“Not saying much.”

Shelby and Martha said at the same time causing Toni to huff in amusement.

“Really, I’m ok, nothing some sleep and ice won’t cure,” Toni defended. Shelby still looked at her in disbelief, but Toni just gave her a strained smile in reassurance. Realizing the smile probably looked more like a grimace and was far from reassuring she looked away. “Where are we?” Toni asked when she didn’t recognize the scenery outside her window she could now see from the streetlights.

“My neighborhood, my house is just a few minutes away,” Shelby said as she too resorted to looking out the window.

The rest of the car ride was in silence. Shelby and Toni tried to ignore that it was awkward, while Martha searched for anything to say that wouldn’t make it more so. After a few minutes they parked in front of an average house. It was significantly nicer than Martha’s or Toni’s current home, but it wasn’t extravagant which surprised Toni. It looked like where one would picture a slightly above average American family living.

Shelby quickly unbuckled and stepped out of the car, but before she took another step she hesitated. She then quickly stripped off the jacket, which Toni had completely forgot about and ducked back into the car to hand it to Toni.

“Thanks, Toni,” She said quietly, and Toni gulped at the soft tone.

“Yeah, I mean you needed it,” She sputtered out as she accepted the jacket.

“No, I mean thanks for everything tonight.”

Toni just nodded mutely; Shelby gave her a small smile. She then thanked Martha for the ride and went up to her house and slipped inside.

Toni remained sitting in the back, the jacket clenched in her hands and staring at the now empty seat beside her.

“Are you going to sit up here with me?” Martha broke the silence.

Toni mumbled an affirmative response as she climbed out of the car and circled to the shotgun seat. Once she was seated and buckled Martha slowly began leaving the neighborhood.

“So,” Martha dragged out the word when it became clear Toni wasn’t going to say anything, “Are we going to talk about,” She paused again but continued, “Anything that just happened.”

Toni slowly began putting on her jacket to avoid the question, but almost immediately she smelled Shelby’s signature perfume. The same smell that Toni smelt when Shelby raised her hand to quickly in class. She stopped putting on the jacket and instead held it in her lap.

“What do you mean, nothing to talk about,” Toni said, she wanted it to be true, but she was slowly realizing that it was far from the truth.

“Toni,” Martha said in the tone she always used when Toni was being unreasonable and uncooperative.

“I’m sorry Marty, but I just want to sleep,” Toni said feeling guilty she couldn’t give her best friend what she wanted.

Toni could feel Martha’s mind spinning next to her, but eventually conceded, “Ok. Am I dropping you off are your house or are you sleeping over?”

“Mine,” Was all Toni responded before falling lower in the seat and pulling her jacket up under her chin. She closed her eyes and breathed in to center herself, but instead just smelled Shelby’s perfume all over again.

Soon they pulled up to Toni’s current home. Toni smiled quietly at Martha and leaned across the center counsel to give her a hug.

“Thank you, Marty, and I’m sorry,” Toni said before climbing out and walking into the dark house. She didn’t wait to hear Martha’s response.

Once she was inside, she shrugged her jacket on and fell into her bed. Shelby’s smell surrounded her, but Toni fell asleep before she could think about it.

xxxii.

Toni could barely move. The walk to school had taken twice the usual time, which she had planned for, but it had loosened her out, so she wasn’t in as much pain as she had been while sitting around the house the day before.

It was the Monday after the fight with Andrew and driving Shelby home. Toni had spent the whole weekend wallowing in her pain instead of thinking about her actions, and her motivations. She avoided any thoughts of the blonde, even washed her jacket on Saturday, something she rarely did in fear of it shrinking, to get rid of her scent. But Toni knew it would all be useless because she would still see her in pre-cal, which is where she currently sat.

Toni had gotten class slightly early, and used that time so sit down without anyone being there to see her wince at the pain. Toni had been in the process of getting her notebook out of her backpack when Shelby entered the room.

Toni stopped her movement to watch the blonde. She looked perfectly put together. As she sat down, she looked at Toni and seemed surprised that Toni was already watching. The two girls looked at each other for a moment before Shelby broke the contact and began getting her things out for the class. Toni stared at her for a second longer before she went back to her process of preparing for class.

The two didn’t say anything to each other until it was time to do the warmup problems in the book. Shelby was still fishing around in her bag for something so Toni reached for the textbook and tried to lift it with one hand and bring it toward her to find the page. She just lifted it off the desk before dropping in and clutching her arm in pain.

“Fuck,” She muttered as she massaged her upper arm to sooth the bruise.

“What happened?” Shelby asked beside her, looking between and book and her arm in confusion.

“My arm is just bruised and sore, I can’t lift anything with it,” Toni explained, it was the arm Andrew had managed to punch during their fight.

When she finally looked at Shelby, she was looking at her guilty. She bit her bottom lip like she didn’t know what to say, then she dropped he gaze down to the book, “What page was it?”

Toni looked at Shelby, she didn’t know if she wanted her to mention what had happened or if she wanted her to forget about it. Eventually she decided it didn’t matter what she wanted; Shelby obviously planned to forget about it so that’s what was going to happen.

The two didn’t talk for the rest of the class.

xxxiii.

Toni couldn’t sleep.

The house was silent, like always, and she was exhausted from practice and school, but no matter how long she laid still with her eyes closed sleep wouldn’t come.

She rolled over with a groan, it was Wednesday night and she was still absurdly sore from the fight with Andrew. When she checked her phone, it read 1:08 and Toni flopped back onto her bed with another groan.

She should have already been asleep, she had been laying in bed since 11, but her mind was too busy.

Toni didn’t understand, she didn’t understand what made this different. She hated Andrew. She hated Shelby. Fighting Andrew because of something he said and did was nothing new but feeling like she could have kept fighting him forever because it had been Shelby he had done it to was new.

Toni wanted to leave it at that, Andrew was a dick and she beat him up. But every time she tried to let it go, she remembered Shelby. The way she had been cowering against the car. That way she had still been wearing that damn dress when it was 20 degrees out. The way she had looked in Toni’s jacket.

Toni flipped over and screamed into her pillow.

This couldn’t be happening; Toni wouldn’t let it. Toni thought of all the things Shelby had done against her. All the things she had said and all the ways she purposefully bugged her, but every time Toni thought she was getting somewhere the voice in her head would remind her that Toni had started the majority of those fights, that she to did everything possible to annoy Shelby.

Toni didn’t get any sleep that night, and the next day in pre-cal neither girl spoke yet again.

xxxiv.

Toni was late to class Friday. She had overslept because she hadn’t gotten any sleep the night prior, and she rushed into pre-cal ten minutes late.

She sprouted out a few words of apology before Coach Burke brushed it off and just told her to sit down.

Toni collapsed in her seat next to Shelby, she had jogged the entire way to school. Luckily it was still freezing so she had barely sweat. Shelby just looked at her with slight amusement before speaking.

“Rough morning?” Toni startled at the sound of her voice, she had heard it all through the week when she answered questions, but this was the first time it had been directed toward her since Monday.

“Um,” Toni looked at her and got distracted by her greens eyes, she caught herself before she could fall to fall into a trance and looked away, “You could say that,” Was all she responded as she got her notebook out.

“How are you feeling?” Shelby asked after a long pause.

“Fine,” Toni looked at her in confusion and saw a small blush rise on Shelby’s cheeks.

“I just meant,” Shelby hesitated, but then continued, “On Monday you seemed sore, just wondering if you felt any better.”

Toni watched as Shelby tucked hair behind her ear and kept her gaze locked firmly on the screen. That was something Toni had come to notice, when they were fighting Shelby seemed to constantly be glaring, even when they weren’t talking Toni would catch Shelby’s staring at her at random times. But when they were having a civil conversation Shelby refused to look her in the eye.

“Yeah, slightly better,” Toni eventually responded when she realized she still hadn’t answered.

“Good,” Shelby glanced at her, but when Toni immediately caught her eye she looked back on her binder.

Toni found herself at a loss, she wanted to continue the conversation, or whatever you could call the short exchange of words, but she also knew she should want Shelby to go back to ignoring her.

Neither happened, the conversation didn’t continue, but the two also didn’t ignore each other. Throughout the class each girl made small remarks and jokes to the other, nothing that could be considered a conversation, but enough that Toni felt thoroughly confused through the entire class.

When the bell rang everyone already had their backpacks on and were standing near their desks. Shelby gave Toni a small hidden smiling before rushing out of the classroom.

At lunch when Martha asked why she was in a good mood Toni just shoved chips into her mouth and shrugged. It wasn’t a lie, she really didn’t know, although she did have a suspicion.

xxxv.

Toni hadn’t expected the night to be amazing, but she also hadn’t expected it to make her want to physically harm enough people she would be sent to juvie. But things aren’t always what you expect.

It had been a casual game, not against an important school, and not need to qualify for anything. They had won though, and that in addition to the pre-cal class earlier in the day Toni was feeling pretty good. She was still a little sore from the fight a week earlier, but she could ignore it in most situations.

The night went downhill similar to how the one a week earlier had. With Shelby and Andrew in a parking lot near his car.

Toni was walking with Martha to her car, she was going to spend the night and was excited to spend sometime one on one with her best friend. She glanced to the side when she heard a girl break out into giggles. Toni looked just in time to see Andrew lean down to kiss Shelby and Shelby tilt her head up to meet him.

Toni tripped over her own feet and almost fell. As she righted herself Martha asked if she was ok. Toni didn’t respond, just continued to stare at the couple a few cars away. Most people were leaving the game, so the parking lot was far from empty, therefore it took Martha a moment to find what Toni was looking at. She did and immediately gripped Toni’s wrist.

“Come on Toni,” Martha said and tried to pull her towards her car.

Toni stumbled along, her mind not making connections, until finally she dug her feet in and stood still.

“No,” She said and took a step toward the couple. Martha quickly moved between her and them. Toni tried to look past her to see that Shelby and Andrew were already getting into his car. She watched as the car started and pulled forward leaving the parking lot.

After the car was gone, Toni allowed herself to be dragged to Martha’s car.

She didn’t understand, but she did know that that Friday night was worse than the one prior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this one, I've been kinda lost in my head the last couple of day so I hope y'all still enjoy it. it's much more of a filler than the past couple, but it is necessary. I would like to say that the next one should be really good. It really picks up from here.
> 
> I'm currently trying to think out the plot for the hp au. From what I have right now I can already tell you it is going to be a very slow burn, it will be much more focused on plot (this doesn't really have plot be sides Toni and Shelby's relationship), and will most likely be a lot darker. 
> 
> As for how much longer this fic will be, I have through the tenth chapter planned out, I have an idea of what I want to happen after, but nothing set. As of now I can guarantee 15 chapters, probably more, but no promises.
> 
> As always I love comments and they always motivate me to get the chapters out.


	8. xxxvi-xxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get excited!

xxxvi.

“It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make any sense!” Toni ranted, “He’s an asshole, you saw the way he treated her last Friday. She was terrified; he’s a dick who is trying to pressure her into things she doesn’t want to do. Not that anyone should want to do those things with his ugly ass.”

Toni paced back and forth in Martha’s small room, there was hardly room to pace, but she found a way. They had only gotten to Martha’s home a few minutes prior, but Toni had dived right into what had been on her mind the entire car ride.

“But then tonight, only a week after all that, and she was cozying up to him. She kissed him! Drove away with him! Marty I’m concerned, that girl must have some serious self-destructive tendencies. And that’s coming from me,” Toni turned and looked at Martha, but her friend was just sitting against her headboard watching Toni pace. Toni resumed her walking.

“I should have punched him harder, that’s what I should have done. Right in the nose, broke his fucking nose, I bet then she wouldn’t want to kiss him. Not that I care who she kisses, but it certainly shouldn’t be that useless excuse of a human. Remember what he was saying a couple months ago at lunch with his friends,” Toni looked at Martha for confirmation, she got a slight nod and plowed on, “He was bragging to his fucking friends about getting it somewhere else. Like what the fuck dude! You’re cheating on her and still have the fucking audacity to try to pressure her. That’s another level of fucked up.”

Toni took a deep breath, and then another. She could feel her control slipping away, the last thing she wanted was to completely loss her cool in the middle of the night in Martha’s bedroom. Martha didn’t deserve that. After she had calmed her breathing, and Martha still hadn’t said anything, she continued.

“All I’m saying is he’s a cheater, he pressures her, he’s abusive, or at least from what I saw in that parking lot, and he’s just,” Toni threw up her hands in frustration. She then covered her face with them and groaned. “Marty, I don’t get it,” Toni said, although it was muffled through her hands.

She leaned backwards and fell onto Martha’s bed, bouncing a few times before stilling. When Martha still didn’t say anything, Toni peaked at her from around her fingers. Martha was just looking at her vaguely unimpressed at the conversation they were having. Not that it was much of a conversation because Toni had done all the talking.

“There’s no way you’re ok with this. Are you?” Toni pressed; she wanted her best friends view on the situation.

“Toni,” Martha finally spoke, “This isn’t anything for me or you to be ‘ok with’. It has absolutely nothing to do with us.”

Toni sputtered for a few minutes before she spoke, “But it’s Andrew,” She exclaimed like that explained everything, and really it should have. “Shelby can’t date Andrew,” She continued. Her hands left her face and she threw then to her sides, so she laid starfish on the bed, with her legs hanging off the side and her feet on the ground.

“Toni,” Martha said slowly, “Why do you care who Shelby dates,” She said it like she was explaining something to Toni, something she should know.

Toni again sputtered for an answer before finding one, “This isn’t about who Shelby should date. It’s about how no one should date Andrew,” Toni said, proud of her answer.

“Then why did you spend that whole time talking about Shelby and how she shouldn’t be dating him, and you didn’t understand why she is dating him, and how you could get her to not date him.”

Toni glared at Martha, but it was halfhearted at best, “I did not,” She denied.

“Toni,” Martha paused, “Yes, you really did.”

“Well it’s not about _her_ exactly. It’s about the principal of the matter,” Martha loudly sighed, but Toni just talked over it, “No one should be dating someone who treats them that awfully.”

“It’s not that I’m disagreeing with you,” Martha began, “It’s just that I know that’s not all. I don’t know if you actually think that’s all it is that’s bothering you or not, but either way please at least stop lying to yourself.”

“I’m not lying to anyone,” Toni responded indigently. All she wanted was to rant to Martha about this and have Martha agree, not decide to do a deep dive into her true intentions. Toni was very much avoiding that.

“Toni,” Martha tried to begin, but Toni cut her off before she could get any further.

“Martha no,” She said firmly. She covered her face with her hands again before continuing. “I really don’t want to talk about what you’re trying to talk about. I don’t really want to think about it either.”

“But,” Martha tried again, and again Toni cut her off.

“Please Marty,” Toni rolled over to look Martha in the eyes, “It’s a disaster, I know it is. I’d really rather go as long as possible in that denial.”

Martha looked back at Toni before sighing in defeat. “Of course, just, well, you know. I’m here.”

Toni smiled at her best friend and crawled up the bed, so she rested against the headboard with her. She slouched so she could lean her head on Martha’s shoulder and linked one arm with her. The two sat in silence for a while until Martha finally broke it to talk to Toni about the basketball season. Toni accepted the change of subject gratefully, although she still couldn’t push the image of Shelby and Andrew out of her mind.

xxxvii.

Over the weekend Toni told herself she wasn’t going to think about it, it didn’t bother her. She told herself it was none of her business and that she should be happy Shelby was with Andrew because she was awful, and he was awful and they could be awful together. All that went out the window when Shelby entered pre-cal Monday morning.

She didn’t act any different. She didn’t look any different. She even gave Toni a small smile, which was different but after their good class last Friday Toni supposed it wasn’t uncalled for. But it was the smile that did it for Toni. She shouldn’t be smiling, she wasn’t happy. No chance in hell was she happy in that relationship. That smile was a lie, and Toni hated liars.

Toni returned the smile with an eyeroll and a scoff, she then immediately looked away and clenched her jaw.

“Alright then,” Shelby drew out as she sat down next to Toni. Toni could feel her looking at her, but she refused to return the gaze. “Someone’s in a good mood this morning,” Shelby said, her accent unusually prominent.

“Why the fuck do you care,” Toni spat out, she was beyond angry at Shelby and she would act as such.

“Well,” Shelby paused like she didn’t know how to continue, but the bell interrupted her before she could even try. Announcements went by and Coach Burke announced the warmup problems.

Toni grabbed the book that laid on Shelby’s desk and began rapidly flipping through it. Shelby continued to move slowly, opening her binder to the right section, and staring at Toni as she did so.

“Can you stop fucking staring at me,” Toni bit out louder than she had meant to.

“Toni language,” Coach Burke said from the font of the room. Toni just nodded without looking up. She had found the page in the book and pushed the it in front of her so she could being doing the problems. A few seconds after she started, Shelby did as well.

The blonde was quiet for about half the warmup, but then she spoke, “I wasn’t staring at you,” She mumbled.

“Yes, you were,” Toni stated and began working the problems fast, “You always fucking are.”

Shelby didn’t respond, but Toni could sense her flailing for a response. Eventually she began her work again, this somehow frustrated Toni even more, she aggressively crossed out the work she had just done seeing a mistake in it.

“An eraser would be better,” Shelby side quietly from the side. Toni dug her pencil in more to the paper and continued to scribble. Her paper was soon covered in harsh grey lines, the paper wearing thin. “Ok now, how about you-” Shelby didn’t get a chance to finish. As she spoke, she reached a hand out to stop Toni’s movement, but at soon as she touched Toni, Toni’s pencil tip snapped and ripped a hole in her paper.

“Fuck!” She cussed loudly and stood up, pushing her chair back so it screeched. She could feel Shelby’s alarmed stare, but she continued to just look at her ruined paper.

“Toni,” Coach Burke said sternly, “What did I say about language.”

“Sorry Coach,” Toni said and looked at him apologetically, she hadn’t meant to cause him trouble today, “My pencil broke and paper ripped, it surprised me that’s all.”

Toni made her way to the pencil sharpener in the front of the room. Coach Burke nodded but gave her a look at that told her to call it. He then excused himself to get some papers from the library and asked the teacher next door to watch the class. Toni slowly sharpened her pencil, it was getting much smaller and soon she wouldn’t be able to use it.

As she made her way back to her seat Shelby continued to stare at her. Toni accidently made eye contact before quickly looking away, unfortunately this seemed to give Shelby permission to speak when she sat down.

“Are you ok?” Shelby said quietly and leaned closer to Toni. Toni snapped, because honestly, she wasn’t ok, and Shelby certainly wasn’t either.

“How about you stay out of my fucking business and go suck your boyfriends dick,” She said loudly and whipped around at Shelby. Luckily Coach Burke was out of the room, but Toni heard Fatin mumble something under her breath in front of her and what sounded like a laugh after.

Shelby was speechless. She stared at Toni in complete shock and eventually said, “Excuse me,” in a tone that said she had no idea what was going on.

“You fucking heard me,” Toni spat out. She glared at Shelby while Shelby continued to look at her in shock.

“All I did was ask it you’re ok, there’s no reason for you to-” Shelby began in a levelheaded manner, but Toni was having none of it. She cut her off before she could continue.

“No reason for me to,” Toni repeated, she was beyond angry and couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Why the fuck are you asking if I’m ok,” Toni was out of her seat again, she braced her hands on her desk so she bent down and was looking directly at Shelby. She looked Shelby up and down, looking for any sign that she wasn’t ok, but coming up empty, “I should be the one asking you that right?”

Shelby looked genuinely thrown for a minute, “What? What on earth do you mean?”

“You know exactly what the fuck I mean,” Toni responded, when Shelby continued to look at her lost, she realized Shelby really didn’t know what she was talking about. That made Toni even madder, did she not even realize that Andrew was not good for her. She leaned down more so she was directly in Shelby’s face; Shelby flinched so hard her chair moved, but Toni just leaned closer and said quietly, “Why the fuck are you still with him?” Anger still laced her tone, but she said it quietly so that the majority of the class wouldn’t be able to hear, probably only the people directly in front of them could.

Shelby eye’s widened in understanding before hardening in anger. Toni watched as her green eyes became darker as she clenched her jaw. Shelby’s gaze flickered down to Toni’s lips, but she stood up before Toni could process the movement. She now was taller than Toni and moved around her desk so she stood in front of the brunette.

“That is none of your business,” She hissed out, her voice low.

Toni tilted her chin up at the girl and curled her lip. She was unbelievable, after how Toni had fought for her she refused to admit it was necessary.

“Whether it’s my business or not the questions remains: why the fuck are you with him?” The two girls were directly in each other’s faces, Toni was glaring holes at Shelby, while Shelby looked like she couldn’t process everything that was going on.

Finally, in a move that shocked Toni, Shelby placed bother her palms on Toni’s shoulders and pushed her back so she stumbled into her desk.

“You need to stay out of my face,” Shelb said quietly, but her tone was laced with so much anger Toni didn’t know how to respond, luckily Shelby continued before she had to, “And you need to stay out of the fucking business.”

The classroom as dead silent. Shelby stood a few feet in front of Toni breathing heavily, while Toni stood still leaning slightly on her desk gaping in shock. Shelby had pushed her and cussed.

Guess it was a sensitive subject.

xxxviii.

Toni finished shoving all her clothes and books in her backpack. She tossed it on her back and clipped the buckle that went around her waist, she then shortened the shoulder straps, so the backpack set tightly against her back and waist. She looked like an idiot, but it wasn’t like anyone was going to see her.

She pushed the doors open into the night air and began her run home.

Usually she walked, but she still had left over energy, even after basketball practice. Plus, her mind was already running uncontrollably, might as well have her body match it.

After the girls fight in pre-cal Shelby had fled the room. Coach Burke had retuned shortly after and questioned what happened. No one said anything until Fatin quietly said that Shelby had gone to the bathroom. When she returned a significant amount of time later Coach tried again to question the class, but no one spoke.

Shelby and Toni didn’t so much as look at each other for the rest of class. Toni’s mind had been spinning rapidly ever since.

Toni genuinely didn’t understand why she was still dating Andrew. From everything she’d seen he was awful both to her and just in general. Shelby didn’t deserve that. No one deserved an abusive relationship, but definitely not Shelby. As much as the two fought and argued Toni still knew Shelby was generally a nice person, even Martha said so.

Running harder Toni thought about the night two Fridays ago. Shelby had looked terrified, Toni wondered if Andrew had ever actually hit her before. From the way he fought her it didn’t seem like he had an issue hitting girls, of course she had hit him first so probably not an accurate judge of the situation.

The first time someone had hit Toni had been when she was six. It hadn’t been hard, and it hadn’t been intentional, but it still stuck with her. Her mom had been having a bad high, she had been paranoid and unaware of her situation. Toni had tried to comfort her, but she had only been six, she hadn’t understood. Her mom had been rushing around the house, she had run right into Toni. Toni had been pushed against the wall and fell to the ground, she had a slight head ache from hitting the wall but that had been it, she hadn’t thought twice about it, she had been more scared her mom would hurt herself.

Toni forgot about that occurrence until something similar had happened when she was ten. By then her mom was in rehab, not that it was doing any good, and Toni was in foster care. The mom of the house had pushed Toni against the wall, hard. Her head hit the wall hard and when she fell to the ground her hands tried to catch her fall but only succeeded in spraining her wrist. She had sat on the floor her knees to her chest and holding her hurt wrist while her foster mom and ranted, something about missing money which Toni didn’t understand.

Eventually the woman pulled Toni up and had sent her to her room. Toni had spent all night thinking about her mom. In the morning Toni asked to transfer foster homes, from there it spiraled. Toni no longer sat there, if someone hit her, she hit them back, except when it was a foster mom. She could kick and scratch and punch at classmates, foster siblings, foster dads, but when it was a foster mom that hurt her, she sat in shock. She couldn’t bring herself to fight back.

Toni tore herself from memory lane, she didn’t want to think about her own hardships. She was doing fine now; it was Shelby that wasn’t ok.

Toni felt a little bad for yelling at her and starting a fight. If anything, she had probably pushed Shelby more into Andrew. Toni’s mind continued down the downward spiral that was Shelby Goodkind her entire run home.

By the time Toni arrived at her current house she was out of breath, her shoulders were sore from her bag, and her mind was filled with blonde hair and green eyes.

Toni fell asleep almost immediately that night, but her dreams followed the same path. All about Shelby, just like everything else in her life it seemed.

xxxix.

Toni shivered in the cold air, her basketball game had just ended and now she had to walk home. It was a Thursday night, so Martha hadn’t been able to go to the game and offer her a ride home. Therefore, Toni was stuck walking.

The parking lot was slightly busy, mostly people arriving to watch the boy’s game, they were better than usual but still no where near as good as the girls. Not the Toni was biased.

Toni slowly began leaving school grounds, she knew the longer she walked the warmer she would get and therefore be able to walk faster. The beginning was always the worst.

Just as she was turning onto the sidewalk off campus a car pulled up beside her. Toni looked over in surprise. At first, she couldn’t see anything, just looked at her own reflection in the dark window, but then the window rolled down, and Toni found herself staring at Shelby.

The girls hadn’t talked in almost a week in a half. Ever since their fight in pre-cal the two had refused to look at each other in class, Shelby had even stopped answering questions.

Toni stared at the girl dumbfound.

“Need a ride?” She said with a smile that looked more like a grimace. Toni just continued to look through the window. She was on the passenger side, so Shelby was still mostly in the shadows on the opposite side of the car.

“What?” Toni eventually said. She still didn’t process what was going on. Why was Shelby offering her a ride home? The two didn’t talk, they weren’t friends. Hell, how did Shelby find Toni to offer her a ride. How did she know Toni would need a ride? Toni was definitely thinking too much into this.

“A ride,” Shelby repeated herself, she shifted in her seat like she was only just realizing the awkwardness of the situation, “Do you need a ride?”

Toni stared at her; Shelby returned the stare. Eventually Toni slowly moved to open the door and hesitantly slipped in. She put her bag at her feet and didn’t break her state at the blonde.

“Why?” She asked just as Shelby started to drive.

“Because it’s 23 degrees out and no one should be walking in this weather,” As she said it she turned the heat up so it blew strongly in Toni’s face, “Plus I have to repay the favor,” Toni stared at her blankly, “You gave me a ride that other night,” Shelby explained.

“No Martha did,” Toni said, finally giving more than a one-word response.

“It was her car yes, but you’re the reason,” Shelby said, since she had started driving, she hadn’t looked at Toni once, kept her eyes firmly on the road, even though there was no one else in sight.

“Not that you needed it apparently,” Toni shot out, but then immediately cringed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to start something,” Toni quietly apologized and finally turned her gaze out the window.

“Put your address in,” Toni turned to see Shelby was holding her phone out. Toni belatedly realized they had just been driving aimlessly, in the completely wrong direction. She typed it in then handed the phone back to Shelby.

“And think of this as a thank you,” Shelby said after a moment of silence. Toni looked at her in confusion which prompted her to continue, “For that other night I mean.”

Shelby rolled her lips into her mouth and kept her gaze locked forward. Toni understood what she was saying. She didn’t want to admit she had needed help, but she still appreciated Toni’s help.

Toni nodded her head and looked forward. The girls continued their drive in silence.

xxxx.

Shelby pulled into Toni’s foster parents’ driveway less than fifteen minutes later.

“Is this it?” She asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, why?” Toni knew the house wasn’t as nice as Shelby’s but honestly it was better than lot she’s stayed at.

“It’s just so,” Shelby hesitated, and Toni prepared for a fight. Toni hated it when people pitied her for being in foster care, “Dark,” Shelby eventually finished, causing Toni to relax. She looked at the house. All the lights were off, there was no cars in the driveway. It looked completely empty.

“I guess,” Toni just shrugged, “Foster parents are out so.” Toni trialed off and let Shelby fill in the blanks.

She nodded from her seat beside her but didn’t say anything else. Toni could feel the silence building, neither girls moved, just continue to stare straight ahead. Shelby fiddled with the steering wheel, while Toni played with the sleeves of her jacket. Toni knew she should get out. Grab her backpack and go inside. Act like this never happened. But she also knew she won’t. Too many questions had been circling her head to let this go.

“Shelby,” Toni finally broke the think silence, it startled the other girl, making her jump in her seat. Toni turned to look at her, although Shelby still faced forward, “I promise I’m not trying to argue with you or start another fight,” Toni watched as Shelby tensed like she knew where this was going, “But what are you still with him?”

Shelby continued to stare forward. Her hands now griped the steering wheel, turning her knuckles white, and her jaw clenched. Eventually she spoke, “You wouldn’t get it.”

“That’s not an answer,” Toni quickly countered.

“Maybe, but it’s the truth.”

Toni stared at the blonde, she had yet to look at Toni since they had parked. Toni grew more annoyed the more she looked at her. She remained with Andrew, even though he was obviously a dick to her. She refused to hear that he was bad, and she refuse to accept the truth. Toni broke.

“Fucking hell Shelby,” She said loudly, “This is not fucking ok. What’s gonna happen next time when someone’s not there? Huh?” Toni pushed on; Shelby still wasn’t looking at her.

“Shut up,” Shelby spit out, “You don’t get it. You don’t get the expectations on me.”

“That’s bullshit,” Toni said over her, “Your expectations are bullshit.”

“Everywhere I go people expect something from me,” Shelby finally looked at Toni. Toni was shocked by the amount of emotion in her eyes, too many to decipher, “You wouldn’t understand the pressure.”

Toni gripped the sleeves of her jacket to stop from hitting the dash, as angry as she was the last thing she wanted was to physically scare Shelby.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t understand pressure,” Toni agreed, Shelby looked shocked until Toni continued, “My dad’s been a no show since day one and my mom’s been in and out of rehab like it’s a fucking white castle, so no one expects shit from me, doesn’t feel great either.” Toni’s just about had enough; this wasn’t what she wanted when she started the conversation.

“Yeah, but like,” Shelby tried to interrupt, but Toni was done. She opened the door and stepped out, as she grabbed her bag from the car, she cut Shelby off.

“But what? If you’re trying to out sad me it’s a losing fucking battle,” Toni could feel her voice start to crack. She slammed the door shut and the noise rang out in the empty parking lot. Unfortunately, she had to walk around the front of Shelby’s car to get to the front door. Shelby was out of the car and standing in front of her before she realized what was happening.

“You’re free, don’t you see that,” Is what Shelby says once she’s standing in front of Toni and blocking her path, “You don’t have to answer to anyone.” Shelby gestured around wildly as she talked.

“Neither do you,” Toni responded, Shelby just stood, staring at her, “You choose to follow those expectations, that’s on you. If you don’t step away form that and break a few bullshit expectations, then I don’t know what to tell you.”

Toni finished and was slightly breathless. She stared at Shelby, not knowing what to expect. Before she could think Shelby’s hands were on her face and her lips were on hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok y'all this one was a fun one. I honestly didn't know if I was going to b able to get it out tonight, but I succeeded so that's excited. I actually had surgery earlier today, nothing super severe since I'm already back home, but this does mean I'll be bed ridden for a little, so I think I'll be able to stay on top of updates.
> 
> Let me know what y'all thought about this chapter, did it feel rushed? I'm a little worried about that, I want to keep the progression natural, so let me know if I did.
> 
> Also every fifth chapter will be Shelby's, so number ten will be the next. 
> 
> Again let me know what y'all thought, I love comments so much, they make my day. the more input the better!


	9. xxxxi-xxxxv

xxxxi.

Shelby’s lips were planted on Toni’s for a few seconds before her mind even processed what was going on. At first it was just that, Shelby’s lips on Toni’s, but then Toni raised her hands to grip Shelby’s waist and kissed her back.

Toni pulled Shelby closer, and Shelby’s hands loosened their grip so she could kiss her more fully. Toni felt a small puff of air escape Shelby when she finally kissed her back, then Shelby arched into her and pulled her face closer. Toni’s hands remained on her waist and lower back, simultaneously holding her still and pulling her closer.

Shelby’s hands on her face kept Toni from kissing Shelby with the strength she wanted, but they helped Shelby direct the kiss. Shelby wasn’t pushing the kiss, just moving her lips. Then her hands moved slightly further back so she could pull Toni’s head closer, at that motion Toni’s hands slid up her waist for a better grip to hold Shelby closer. Toni slipped her tongue out to brush Shelby’s lip, and Shelby immediately pulled back.

Her hands which had been gripping Toni’s head now pushed on her shoulders for distance. Shelby stared at Toni with wide eyes, she was breathing heavily and looked terrified. After a brief moment Shelby turned and was in her car before Toni even realized her hands were now empty. Shelby was already backing out of the driveway when Toni came to her sense.

“Shelby!” She called and began running down the driveway, but Shelby’s car was already on the road. “Shelby wait!” Toni called after the disappearing car.

“Fuck,” she mumbled as she watched the car’s taillights disappear down the desolate road.

xxxxii.

Toni couldn’t sleep, which was far from unexpected.

Her lips still buzzed from the feeling of Shelby’s multiple hours before. Her hands felt empty since she let go of Shelby. Whenever Toni closed her eye’s to sleep, she only saw Shelby’s face directly after their kiss. The blind terror in her eyes. She felt the light brush of air over her face as Shelby breathed out a strangled breath.

Toni slammed her pillow in her face a screamed, she then threw it across the room with all her strength. It did nothing to relieve her restlessness. Toni flopped back onto her now pillow less bed with a huff, she wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon.

She rolled out of bed and left her room, tossing the pillow back on her bed as she went. Her foster parents were still gone, Toni couldn’t remember the last time she had seen them, probably like two weeks, but she still had food, some that she’d had to buy, so she didn’t have complaints.

Toni filled a bowl up with ice cream then sat in one of the chairs in the dark kitchen. She ate the cold dessert slowly.

Shelby had kissed her, fully kissed her. It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t a ‘oh she won’t stop talking, I’ll kiss her to shut her up’. It was a full kiss that Shelby had absolutely meant to do. Even if it had been spur of the moment it still happened.

Shelby liked Toni, or at least liked girls, or something of that nature. And Toni, well Toni liked Shelby.

Toni groaned. She rubbed her face with her hands wishing she could physically scrub the thought out of her mind. But it was there, and it wasn’t going to leave. As much as Toni hated to admit it, she knew it was true. She’d been denying it to herself for far to long, and after kissing Shelby back the ruse was up. Toni couldn’t lie to herself anymore, not when all she wanted was to kiss the blonde again.

Toni quickly finished her ice cream then went back to her room. She collapsed back onto her bed. Tomorrow was Friday, she would see Shelby in pre-cal and then wouldn’t see her for the weekend. She had to talk to her tomorrow, no way she could go a whole weekend over thinking everything.

She barely got two hours of sleep that night, instead spent her time thinking about what she was going to say to Shelby the next day.

xxxxiii.

Shelby didn’t look at her, didn’t even glance her way. When Shelby first entered Toni was already watching the door, she waited for Shelby to look at her, to have any semblance of recognition for what had happened the night prior, but there was nothing.

Shelby sat down and pulled out her textbook without sparing Toni a glance. Her hair was pin straight, as always, her makeup casually done, as always, her outfit cute but modest, as always. Shelby didn’t look any different than any other day.

Toni didn’t say anything to the girl for the first half of class. Shelby raised her hand for ever question and did all the problems assigned, while Toni sat to her side and stared.

Halfway through class Toni cracked, Coach Burke had just given them ten minutes to work a problem, and honestly Toni didn’t have the faintest clue how to solve it, which might have been because she had spent all of class so far staring at Shelby. The class broke into quiet murmurs while each pair worked on the problem.

“So,” Toni drew the word out hoping to get recognition from her desk mate, when she got no response she continued, “How do you solve this?”

Shelby ignored her, she continued to work on the problem without acknowledging Toni had spoken. Toni leaned forward to look over Shelby’s arm to see her work, all she succeeded in was smelling Shelby’s perfume as Shelby angled her body away to hide her work.

“I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this before, but you’re a great desk partner,” Toni joked and smiled at Shelby, but she still refused to look up, just continued to alternate her gaze from the board at the front of the room to her binder.

Toni sat in silence for a few more minutes before trying again.

“So how was your morning?”

Shelby again didn’t react, Toni saw her hand clench momentarily tighter on her pencil, but it quickly returned to normal. Toni went for a more direct approach.

“Ok, how was your night last night?”

This time Toni saw Shelby’s jaw clench, but nothing else. She continued to work the problem.

Through the rest of the class Toni said something to Shelby every few minutes, but each time Shelby completely ignored her. When the bell rang Shelby rushed out the door, Toni attempted to follow but by the time she pushed through the crowd at the entrance to the door the blonde was gone from sight

xxxxiv.

“Toni!” Martha’s voice snapped Toni out of her daze.

“Sorry, what?” Toni looked around in confusion. It was Saturday night and Toni was spending time with Regan and Martha, but she kept getting lost in her head.

“Are you ok?” Regan asked from the back seat.

Toni looked at both of them and saw concern painting their faces. They had been hanging out for almost an hour now and Toni had barely contributed to the conversation.

“Yeah,” Toni nodded, but her friends immediately looked like they wanted to argue, “Really, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.”

The two continued to look at her while Toni looked anywhere else, Martha ended up being the one to break the silence, “So then what’s on your mind.”

“Nothing,” Toni responded quickly, she just wanted out of the conversation.

“Toni, you just said you have a lot on your mind. You can’t just change it to nothing,” Regan pointed out.

“Ok, well, what if I just said it was nothing I wanted to talk about. Would you guys accept that,” Toni said in a snappy voice. She was starting to lose her patients; she had wanted to hang out with her friends that night to get her mind off Shelby.

Toni watched as the two exchanged looks an seemed to have an unspoken conversation, Toni absentmindedly wondered when the two had gotten close enough to do that. The two then looked at Toni like they had come to a conclusion.

“Well, are you ok?” Toni went to cut Regan off, but she continued before she could, “Like actually, is what’s on your mind something that could hurt you or is it just something distracting?”

The question made Toni pause, she could get hurt, but not in the way her friends were asking.

“It’s nothing big,” Toni finally reassured them, “It’s just some stuff I’ve been thinking about. I promise I’ll let you guys know when I figure everything out.”

“Ok, if you say so,” Martha finally relented, “But you know we’re here if you need us.”

“Of course, and I won’t forget it,” Toni gave a wide smile that crinkled her eyes closed and caused her two friends to laugh, “Now I’m starving, I want waffle house.”

Her two friends quickly agreed with her food choice and they set off for food, but within a minute of the car ride Toni was lost in her own head again.

xxxxv.

“So, are you going to talk to me today?” Toni said the second Shelby sat next to her Monday. She had spent the entire weekend turning over different situations in her head, trying to figure out the best way to address what happened. Apparently being blatantly obvious came out on top.

Shelby, as expected, completely ignored her and set about preparing for class. Toni chew her bottom lip as she blatantly stared at the other girl. She was annoyed, fast approaching angry.

“Are you serious?” Toni leaned closer and whispered so no one else could hear, although it didn’t seem like anyone was paying attention, “You cant just,” Toni trialed off, not knowing how to finish, but she continued when she saw Shelby glance at her from the corner of her eye. “You can’t just do what you did and then completely ignore me.”

Shelby’s jaw clenched and she continued to look anywhere but Toni.

“This is so fucking dumb,” Toni muttered under her breath before falling back in her seat. She crossed her arms over her chest and slouched as far as possible.

Toni was restless. She had spent the whole weekend thinking of all the different things she could say to Shelby, but she needed her to respond first, and from the look of it respond was the last thing Shelby wanted to do.

When Coach Burke assigned the warmup problems out of the book and Shelby began flipping to the right page Toni got an idea. She sat up and grabbed the book. She quickly moved it to her lap, Shelby not realizing she was taking it until it was gone.

Toni looked at Shelby with a shit eating grin. The book was in her lap and Shelby needed the book to do her work, which she always did, regardless if it was graded or not.

Shelby stared at Toni, her jaw clenched in frustration, eventually she spoke, “Seriously?”

It was the first time Toni had heard her voice directed at her since the prior Thursday night. She smiled without meaning to.

“Yep,” Was all Toni responded as she continued to look at the blonde.

“Give me my book back,” Shelby quietly demanded.

“Not until you talk to me,” Toni said, she had a smug look on her face and looked like an over excited ten-year-old.

“I’m talking to you right now, so give me it back,” Shelby again demanded thoroughly unamused.

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Toni argued. Shelby breathed deeply and swallowed her anger.

“Toni, give me the book, I’m not dealing with this.”

“You have to deal with this,” Toni shot back. She knew she wasn’t talking about the book, and from the stricken look on Shelby’s face she knew it as well.

“And you need to stay out of my business,” Shelby shot back and leaned closer to Toni, the two had succeeded in keeping their voiced quiet, no one in the class had noticed the argument.

“I would, but then you go and make it mine,” Toni retorted. She felt Shelby’s breath brush over her face and let her eyes dip down to Shelby’s lips. Before Toni noticed what was happening Shelby grabbed the textbook from her lap and moved as far away from Toni as possible while still remaining at her desk.

“Forget about it, Toni,” Shelby said as she flipped to the right pages, “I’m serious.”

Toni watched the girl, then slumped back into her seat and crossed her arms. She spent the whole class staring at Shelby’ profile and lost in her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little underwhelming, but I promise the next one will be a long and good one. I wish I could give y'all a better one for new years, but alas this was the one i needed for the story.
> 
> I hope everyone spends the new year happy and safe. I think it's safe to say one of the best things to come out of 2020 was the Wilds.
> 
> I'd love it if y'all left comments about what you're thinking of the story so far, favorite parts, and anything you'd really like to see in coming chapters


	10. xxxxvi-xxxxx

xxxxvi.

Shelby buried her hand in her hair and used the new position to hold her head still to kiss her deeper, except that’s not what happened. The hair was too short, the lips too small, and the skin too rough. Shelby pulled back to suck in a breath, Andrews lips immediately fell to her neck and he started to suck her skin.

They were in Andrew’s car, parked at a park near Shelby’s house. Shelby had climbed into Andrews lap almost the second they started kissing, and that’s where she remained.

His hands held her in place, one crept up her shirt while the other rested low on her back, slowly falling to grip her butt. Shelby kept her hands in his hair, best way to seem involved but still make sure he didn’t go to far, like he currently was.

Shelby dragged Andrews lip back up her hers. His lips had begun to dip under the scope of her shirt, creeping toward her cleavage, which was the last thing she wanted.

They continued to kiss, his left hand now firmly holding her ass and his right continued to crawl up. Shelby worked to hide her shudders, kissing him harder every time she felt the urge to pull away.

When his hand brushed the underside of her bra, she drew in a choked breath and pulled away. Her hands left his hair and instead pulled his hand out of her shirt. Shelby pulled her shirt down, in the process brushing his hand off her ass and looked anywhere but her boyfriend.

He didn’t get the memo and rested his hands on her thighs. As he leaned closer, he kissed along her cheek then whispered in her ear, “Do you wanna move to the back seat?” He emphasized the last word with a squeeze of his hands.

Shelby tried to ignore the suffocating weight of his hands and the uncomfortable feeling of his breath on her face.

“Andrew you know that we can’t- that I don’t believe in doing that type of thing right now,” Shelby denied him. She grabbed his hands to stop their movement on her thighs, she linked her fingers with his and tried to ignore how large and uncoordinated they felt.

“If you really don’t want to the I guess we don’t have to go further,” Shelby closed her eyes and rolled them. He made it sound like he was being understanding and a great guy, “But we can still move to the back for more space to continue where we were at.”

Shelby opened her eyes so see his eyes locked directly on her boobs. He untangled their hands and gripped her waist, pulling her even closer. Shelby winced at the close contact and again removed his hands.

“Andrew no, besides it’s about time I go home. You know how my dad gets about curfew,” Shelby climbed out of Andrews lap as she said it and returned to her seat across the center counsel.

Andrew looked like he was about to argue before looking at the time, it was a school night so Shelby had to be home before 8:30. Shelby sent up a silent prayer when the clock read 8:17, she had been shooting in the dark that she had to be home soon, luck was apparently on her side.

“Yeah sure whatever,” Andrew grumbled as he pulled out of the parking lot and began the short drive to Shelby’s house.

Shelby let out a silent breath of relief. She knew she wouldn’t be able to avoid going further with Andrew for much longer, but just making out with him was enough for her to require a long shower, she shuddered at the thought of doing anything else.

When they pulled up in front of Shelby’s house she leaned over and gave Andrew a goodbye kiss before exiting the car and entering her house.

The house was silent, not the silence that meant it was empty, rather the silence that had enough noise it felt deserted. Shelby stood quietly and tried to figure out where everyone was. After the only sounds she picked up were that of feet on a treadmill and the patterned rhythm of a knife she deduced her dad was working out, her mom was cooking something, certainly not dinner it was too late, and her siblings were in their rooms.

Shelby walked through her house, making sure she greeted her dad when he came into sight, so he knew she was home, then she quickly excused herself and retreated to her room.

She entered her room without turning the lights on and collapsed onto her cold bed. She rolled over so her face was buried in her pillow before letting her tears fall. There weren’t a lot, and it didn’t last long, but Shelby still felt utterly broken when she finally sat up in her dark room.

When she closer her eyes all she could feel was Andrews hands on her, his lips pressed against hers. She would compare it to Toni’s before realizing what was happening. Soon her thoughts were no longer on Andrew’s hands but on Toni’s, how it felt when she had gripped her waist. How it felt when she had pulled Shelby closer. How it felt when her hands had dropped because Shelby ran away.

Shelby rubbed her face aggressively then pushed her hair out of her face, eyes still closed. She sat on her bed, legs folded beneath her, elbows rested on her legs and her head bowed to her lap.

“Fuck,” She whispered before getting up to take a shower and wash the night off her.

xxxxvii.

Toni didn’t try the next day. Throughout the week Toni’s attempts to talk to Shelby had slowly faded. Now, over a week after Shelby had kissed her, Toni’s attempts had completely fallen off.

Shelby knew that’s what she deserved, but it still hurt. Toni sat next to her, not doing any work, spending the majority of class gazing aimlessly at the wall. She only glanced at Shelby occasionally now, which Shelby should see as an improvement to her previous constant staring, but it only hurt.

The less Toni looked at Shelby the more Shelby looked at Toni. That was the way it had always been, and now, after Shelby had kissed her and then ignored her for a week it was no different.

Toni was spinning her pencil in between her fingers, sometime throughout the week she had found a new one that was long enough for her to play with. It was extraordinarily distracting to Shelby.

The pencil repeatedly hit the desk as she held it between her index finger and her middle finger. Shelby stared at the motion and her mind instantly drifted. Andrews hands always felt heavy on her, clumsy and awkward, for the brief moment Toni’s hands had been on her it had been the opposite. Strong and sure holding her close, but still light enough that she didn’t feel trapped.

Shelby wondered what would have happened if she had let the kiss continue. Would Toni’s hands have moved? What would they have felt in her hair, on her cheek, on her stomach?

Shelby sighed deeply at the thought, but the sound made Toni halt her movement and look at her in confusion, apparently her sigh had been louder than expected.

“I’m sorry Shelby, am I boring you?” Mr. Burke asked from the front of the room.

Shelby’s face immediately flushed bright red.

“No, no sir. I’m sorry, I’m just, um, well, um sorry,” Shelby’s voiced tapered off at the end as she slowly grew more embarrassed as the class continued to look at her.

“Well maybe try paying more attention and being less sorry, huh,” He turned back to the board and continued his lesson while Shelby buried her head in her hands.

“Hey Shelby,” Fatin whispered from her seat in front of her. Shelby lifted her head slightly to peak at her between her fingers, “That was smooth, I can never think of excuses like that.”

Beside her Shelby heard Toni cough in a poor attempt to hide her laughter. Shelby scowled, so Toni could laugh at her but wouldn’t talk to her.

“That wasn’t funny,” She quietly snapped at Toni, even though Fatin had been the one to say it.

Toni looked at her in surprise, both her eyebrows raised.

“Geez relax, it was harmless,” Toni responded.

Shelby knew she was being completely unreasonable. She had ignored Toni for a week and now she was snapping at her for laughing at a joke, but Shelby was also at a loss for what to do.

“It was dumb, I was paying attention,” Shelby lied, at this point she was just responding for Toni to respond.

“Sure, you were,” Shelby could hear the eyeroll in Toni’s response, but she refused to look at her.

“You’re one to talk, you haven’t been paying attention at all,” Shelby shot back.

“And how would you know that,” Toni responded. Shelby told herself not to look at Toni, she already knew she had a smug smirk on her face, no need to look and check.

Shelby sat in her seat and searched for a response, the only reason she knew Toni hadn’t been paying attention was because she had done nothing all week but pay attention to everything Toni was doing, whether staring at Shelby, staring at the wall, or taking notes, and there was almost no instances where she was taking notes.

Shelby opted to not respond to Toni’s question. She instead when back to taking notes. Beside her she heard Toni scoff, but nothing else was exchanged between the two girls for the rest of the class.

xxxxviii.

“So, you know that thing that we never talk about, but you always say we can talk about, but I always freak out whenever we even talk about talking about it,” Shelby said in a rush.

Becca sat across from her at a picnic table in the park near Shelby’s house. It was Saturday, over a week after she kissed Toni and after she had ignored her during every class. The two girls had already eaten lunch, but now sat in the surprisingly warm February weather enjoying ice cream, or Becca was enjoying ice cream, Shelby was aimlessly pushing hers around in her cup.

“Yes,” Becca said hesitantly, “I think, that was kind of hard to follow.”

Pushed her ice cream away and buried her face in her hands with a sigh.

“I think I need to talk about it,” Her voice was muffled, but Becca still understood her perfectly.

“Ok,” Becca responded, but Shelby’s head was still buried, and she couldn’t see what Becca was doing, “Do you mean actually talk about it, or just rant about it like that other time?”

Shelby lifted her head up, she folder her arms in front of her on the table and rested her chin on her forearm.

“I think,” Shelby paused to build up her courage, “I think I need to actually talk about it.”

Across from her Becca smiled her infections smile, even with the turbulence in Shelby’s mind it made her lips twitch up.

“That’s great Shelb,” Becca stated excitedly, Shelby tried to smile at her excitement, but it came out more like a grimace, Becca thankfully choose to ignore that. After Shelby didn’t say anything Becca continued, “So, do you want to start? Or would it be easier if I like asked questions? Or you know, whatever works.”

The smile on Shelby’s face turned slightly more genuine, she didn’t know how she was lucky enough to have Becca as a friend, but she wouldn’t trade her for anything.

“I don’t- I don’t even know where to start,” Shelby sat up and folded her hands in front of her to fiddle with her fingers.

“Well, what made you want to actually talk about it?” Becca prompted.

Shelby began chewing on her bottom lip and her eyes darted around, looking at anything besides Becca. She shifted in her seat and her hands remained moving.

“I, um, well,” Shelby took a deep breath, “You swear you won’t tell anyone, right?” Shelby pressed Becca even though she knew the answer.

“You know I won’t Shelby,” Shelby could tell Becca was trying to catch her eye, but Shelby continued to avoid it.

“Good, good. I know you won’t it’s just, I just had to hear it again,” Shelby shifted in her seat again. She took a deep breath and held it with her eyes closed, as she released her breath, she said it, “I kissed Toni.” Shelby kept her eyes closed and immediately sucked in another breath, trying to calm her already racing heart.

If Becca responded Shelby didn’t hear it, too busy breathing rapidly and trying to fight off the urge to flee. After a minute Shelby’s breathing was under control and her body relaxed slightly. She loosened her grip on the picnic table, which she hadn’t even realized she had grabbed hold of. She slowly blinked her eyes open, first focusing on her hands. The knuckles had been white from gripping the table but as she flexed them, she watched color return. After Shelby had examined her hands as much as possible, she lifted her gaze to her best friend.

Becca still sat across from her, concern painting her expression. She looked at a loss and finally spoke once she caught Shelby’s eye.

“Are you ok?” She gently asked.

Shelby continued to bite the inside of her lip, but she nodded, “Yeah,” She sighed out heavily, “Yeah, I am.”

“Ok,” Becca nodded, she looked doubtful, but she also knew Shelby wasn’t going to expand on her near panic attack, “Are you still good to talk?”

Shelby just nodded. She continued to look at Becca, now finding she couldn’t look away. She had to see every emotion Becca had during this conversation, if Becca reacted poorly Shelby knew that would be the end of it.

“Ok, so Toni,” Becca prompted, after Shelby still didn’t respond she continued, “And when did this happen?”

“Thursday,” Shelby quickly replied then clamped her mouth shut. She felt like just talking about this could ruin everything. Actually, she knew talking about it could ruin every.

Becca’s eyes widened in surprise, “As in two days ago?”

“No, last Thursday,” Shelby is one breath. Becca watched her cautiously. She then reached across the table and untangled Shelby’s hands which were tightly wringing each other.

“Shelb, I need you to calm down,” Becca said calmly, “We can’t talk about this is you constantly look like you’re going to pass out.”

Shelby felt a sudden rush of annoyance, the first time she wants to so much as think about what’s been going on and Becca says she won’t listen. She immediately realized the fault in her thinking. She again closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. For a few minutes she sat there, breathing deeply while Becca held her hands to ground her.

After she had caught her breath she stood up and paced back and forth a few times, trying to remove the restless energy. She then sat back down and gripped her cross necklace to mumble a quick prayer. When she looked up at Becca, she was looking at her expectantly, waiting for a signal of where they were going to go from there.

Shelby gave her a small smile and nod, “Ok, I’m good. I do want to talk about this, really, it’s just going to be hard.”

“I know, but I’m here, for whatever,” Becca reassured her, and Shelby was hit with another wave of appreciation for her best friend. She didn’t know where she would be without her and didn’t particularly care to find out.

“I love you Becs,” Shelby said with a smile.

“Right back at ya Shelb,” Becca responded with a wide smile, “Now, I believe we were talking about Toni.”

Shelby’s face instantly flushed, and she bit her bottom in a fruitless attempt to contain a smile. Becca laughed at her obvious reaction to her name.

“Yeah,” Shelby drew out the word as she prepared to talk about it, “She’s just so, ugh I don’t even know. It feels like its crept up on me, but it also feels like I’ve always felt this way. I can’t even tell you when I first realized I, well I liked her,” Shelby stuttered over the word, but continued on, “I just realized it was true one day, and it’s awful.”

“Why is it awful,” Becca asked, Shelby knew the question was for her benefit. Becca already knew why it was awful.

“You mean besides the fact that she’s a girl,” Shelby answered.

“Yes, besides that, because Shelby, no matter what some people might think, that doesn’t make it awful.”

Shelby sighed in frustration, she knew that in theory, in practice was much more difficult. Shelby avoided the question and moved on to something else.

“She beat up Andrew you know, I mean she’s done that before, but it was different this time. She saw us arguing, or I guess arguing isn’t the right word. He was doing all the talking, I was just there for it,” Shelby felt a slight wave of guilt for not telling Becca the whole story, but she ignored it and continued with the story, “She pulled him away from me and made sure I was ok. Of course, he couldn’t leave it at that. He tried to fight her, or I guess he did fight her, he just got destroyed,” Shelby smiled at the memory.

“She gave me her jacket,” Shelby’s face flushed red again as she remembered that part, “IT was freezing out and I was in a strapless dress, so it really wasn’t anything big, but god it felt like it. We never talked about that, I mean we don’t talk so that’s not surprising, but sometimes I wonder if that it was a bigger thing to me than it was to her. I’m sure everything is a bigger deal than to me than to her.”

Shelby looks up at Becca to see her sitting and listening attentively. It was easier to talk about this in the middle of the afternoon at the park than Shelby had expected, it felt surreal.

“I drove her home last Thursday. I’d stayed late to work on a project in the library and then watched the basketball game when it started. No one was really there because it was Thursday, so I just sat alone and watched. She didn’t stay for the boys’ game, so I figured there was no reason for me too. I left after her. but as I was leaving, I saw her walking. I didn’t really think about it, I just pulled over and offered a ride, said it was exchange for when she had helped.”

Shelby trialed off, that whole night felt like an odd dream. Except for the fact that Shelby knew there was no way she could have felt such strong emotions from a dream kiss.

“I kissed her when I dropped her off. We were yelling, arguing like always, and then I just kissed her. And god,” Shelby let out a long breath and closed her eye, “God Becs, it was like nothing else. At first, she didn’t kiss me back, but even those few seconds were so much better than all my time with Andrew combined,” Shelby felt herself grimace as she mentioned Andrew, “But then she did kiss me back.”

Shelby sighed and buried her head in her arms yet again. Across the table Shelby heard Becca laugh lightly.

“Guess it was a good kiss then.”

Shelby laughed at herself. She was this flustered just thinking of a kiss that had happened over a week ago, pathetic.

“Definitely a good kiss, she could give Andrew some pointers,” Shelby began saying it with a smile, a light joke, but by the time she was done she was thinking of Andrew, of two nights before when they had spent a long time making out in the same park she was at now.

“Becs,” Shelby choked out, she tried to hold back a sob, “Becs I don’t know what to do.”

Before Shelby even knew Becca had moved, she was sitting next to her on the bench, arms wrapped around Shelby’s shoulders and hand urging Shelby’s head to rest in the crook of her neck.

Shelby cracked, tears began streaming down her face and she gasped for breath.

“It’s ok Shelbs,” Becca stoked her hair and held her tightly, “We’ll figure out what to do.”

At the Shelby broke, she crumbled in Becca’s embrace as sobs wrenched her body.

xxxxix.

Shelby knew what she had to do. She also knew what she wanted to do, and for the first time in a long time those were the same thing.

Toni didn’t say anything to her when Shelby sat down next to her Monday morning, she didn’t even look at her. Shelby expected this, but it still hurt. Throughout the entire class Toni ignored her, Shelby didn’t try to talk to her, too scared it would backfire and then she would spend the rest of the class in tense silence.

As the class was drawing to a close Shelby finally broke the silence. Coach Burke had finished his lesson and given the class the last minutes to begin homework, Toni had immediately began copying down the questions as she wouldn’t have a book to take home.

“So, um,” Shelby began, “I have a question,” Shelby was looking to Toni, hoping she could catch her eye, but Toni just continued writing.

“Of course, you do,” Toni breathed with an eyeroll.

“No, Toni, please.” Shelby said, trying to highlight how important it was. Toni looked at her when she heard the tone in her voice and her expression immediately softened. Shelby tried not to think about what Toni was when she looked at her.

“Ok, what’s you question Shelby?” Toni prompted.

Shelby bit her lip and continued to look at Toni, trying to draw in courage.

“Are you ok?” Toni asked, Shelby hadn’t even realized her breathing had picked up and she had been squirming in her seat.

“Yes. Yes, I’m fine,” Toni looked at her doubtfully, but Shelby ignored it, “Ok, just, what’s your phone number?”

Toni’s face turned into one of confusion at the question, “My number?”

“Yes, the one for your phone. You know someone types it in and they can text you,” Shelby said, her voice wavered but she tried to build her confidence up by being sarcastic. It made Toni crack a smile which made Shelby’s face flush lightly.

“I am aware what a phone number is, but thank you for clarifying,” Toni responded, then after looked at Shelby for a moment she held out her hand.

Shelby looked down at in confusion, “Your phone,” Toni prompted causing Shelby’s face to grow even reded.

“Right, yeah,” Shelby mumbled as she unlocked her phone and opened a new contact, she then passed it to Toni and tried not to look awkward as she sat and watched Toni type her number in.

Toni handed the phone back with a small smile and no words. The bell rang before Shelby could think of something to say, and Toni was gone after one lingering look.

xxxxx.

**Shelby [5:43] : Ok, I’m parked behind the flagpoles**

Shelby looked down at the text she had sent twenty minutes ago. She pulled her light sweater closer around her, her car was growing cold as she’d turned it off when she had parked.

Toni had said her practice was over by 6 in theirs earlier texts, even though it wasn’t even five minutes past Shelby began to grow nervous. What of this was all a set up? What if she had just wanted to embarrassed Shelby? To leave her sitting in the empty parking lot on a Monday night?

Just as Shelby was texting out another message asking where Toni was, she heard the jiggling of the passenger seat door handle. Shelby jumped and fumbled fort eh unlock button, accidently relocking it twice before she succeeded in unlocking it. After it was unlocked Shelby watched as Toni tossed her bags into the back seat and then sat down.

The two looked at each other without a word until Toni theatrically rubbed her arms, “What, you planning on freezing me to death in this thing?”

“Oh right,” Shelby against fumbled for a minute before she managed to turn her car on and the heat came on with it, “I had just, you know, turned it off when I parked. Gas and the environment and exhaust and all that.”

Beside her Toni stated laughing, she had a rough laugh that matched her persona, “Shelby relax, it’s just me.”

“And that’s supposed to make me relax,” Shelby respond with a small look in Toni’s direction. Shelby put her car in reverse and started slowly leaving the parking lot.

“I mean you’re the one who texted me, so if you’re not relaxed that’s got nothing on me,” Shelby felt Toni smile at her from the side, but Shelby focused ahead, trying to remember the way to Toni’s house as something else to focus on.

When Shelby didn’t respond Toni just continued to watch her, after five minutes of neither talking Toni broke the silence.

“Shelby,” Shelby hummed her acknowledgment. “Why did you want to drive me home tonight. I know you said that you wanted to talk, but to do that you have to actually talk.”

Shelby clenched her jaw and looked for the turn that would lead to Toni’s neighborhood off the main road, when she thought she identified it she turned and only then risked a glance and her companion. Toni was still looking directly at her.

“I do want to talk,” Shelby said into the silence after she returned her gaze to the road.

“Interesting, because I was under the impression you were going to ignore me for the rest of the year,” Shelby picked up on the light teasing tone Toni was using. Although she appreciated it, she didn’t know that she deserved it.

“That was my original plan,” Shelby slowly admitted, when she didn’t immediately continue to Toni prompted her to.

“And what changed?”

“I talked to me best friend,” Shelby glanced at Toni and she looked like she was about to say something so Shelby continued before she could, “She convinced me no harm could come from talking to you.”

“Well usually I wouldn’t agree with that,” Toni joked, “But it this situation I don’t see how any harm could come from it.”

Shelby rolled her lips in so her mouth was a thin line, she flexed her hands on the wheel then relaxed them again before responding.

“I don’t hate you,” She began, when Toni didn’t immediately contradicted her she continued,   
I’m not like Andrew, “Shelby sensed Toni tense beside her at his name, but she continued on, “Or his friends or, well, you get my drift.”

Toni just hummed in agreement beside her, Shelby didn’t know if she understood everything she was trying to convey, but she understood enough.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” Shelby said in one breath. Beside her she heard Toni begin to respond so she rushed to continue, “And not in a ‘it’s a sin’ way, more in a ‘I know you don’t like me like that and I’m sorry I forced you to do that way’.”

Beside her Toni didn’t respond, Shelby turned to look at her as they approached a stop sign and found her studying her carefully. Shelby stopped longer than necessary as she continued to look at the girl. There weren’t streetlights in this neighborhood, the only thing lighting the other girls face was the light from her radio system and faint lights from houses along the road.

The blue tinted light from the radio highlighted Toni’s darker skin. Her eye’s looked almost black, but her jaw wasn’t clenched for once, it was relaxed, and she had the corner of her bottom lip in her mouth as she studied Shelby. Just as Shelby was imagining the same lip on her mouth Toni spoke.

“You know you missed the entrance to my neighborhood like ten minutes ago right,” After she said it a slow smirk can across her face, and Shelby felt all the heat rise to her face, from the look on Toni’s face and her embarrassment.

“Whoops,” Shelby said quietly as she did a U-turn in the middle of the empty intersection.

Neither girl spoke for the rest of the ride except for Toni’s direction instruction. Shelby continued to feel Toni’s attention on her, but for once she felt slightly at ease. She had apologized, Toni had been nice enough that Shelby didn’t think the whole school would be talking about how she was a dyke and had kissed Toni in the coming days.

When she pulled into Toni’s parking lot, she put the car in park but left in running expecting Toni to grab her stuff, hope out, and disappear into the dark house. That didn’t happen, instead Toni spoke.

“I don’t accept your apology,” She said.

Shelby looked at her in confusion and more than a touch of fear. Toni’s expression hadn’t changed, she continued to examine Shelby’s face with a half amused half understanding expression. Shelby felt fear more surely creep in.

“But I-,” She started before cutting herself off, “Toni please, I swear I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the year, for however long we know each other. Just please Toni forget about what happened. I really can’t-”

Shelby was beginning to panic, and Toni finally moved. Whereas before she had been sitting on the side of her chair, leaning against the door so she could fully see Shelby, she now moved so she was closer. One of her legs tucked under her so she could sit comfortably and still face Shelby, but now on the other side of the chair. Both her hands reached out to grasp Shelby’s which had been gesturing wildly.

Shelby immediately stilled at the contact and looked at Toni with wide eyes. The car felt eerily silent after Shelby’s frantic outburst, she breathed out deep breaths and she saw the flyaways that framed Ton’s face flutter lightly.

“No Shelby,” Toni said lightly, her voice was quiet and rough, Shelby swallowed when she heard her name, her gaze fell down to Toni’s lips which were still moving, “You misunderstood. I don’t accept it because you don’t need to apologize.”

“Wha- but,” Shelby breathed out. Her brain couldn’t catch up. When had she gotten so much closer to Toni? Her face was now just a few inches in front of hers and the only sound Shelby could hear was her pounding heart. She absent mindedly wondered in Toni could hear it to.

“Shelby,” Toni said again, this time with a light laugh, “Do you understand?”

Shelby’s gaze was still fixed on Toni’s lips, they were barely parted and had a hint of a smile. Shelby dragged her gaze up to look at Toni’s eye’s instead. Toni’s eyes were already locked on hers, Shelby face flushed lightly at the realization that she was fully aware she had just been staring at her lips.

“Shelby,” Toni tried again, but Shelby couldn’t remember what they were talking about.

Shelby blinked a few times to try to leave her daze, but when she refocused her eyes, she was still a few inches from Toni’s face with her breath lightly wafting over her face, so really what was she supposed to do.

Shelby connected her lips with Toni’s a second time. This time Toni took no time to reciprocate, she immediately kissed her back.

Shelby untangled one of her hands from Toni’s to rest it on Toni’s face. Her fingers slid into hair and along her neck while her thumb rested on her cheek. Toni’s hand immediately buried itself in Shelby’s hair.

Shelby felt her use the position to pull her closer. Toni’s other hand went to Shelby’s waist again, but because of the center counsel between them her attempt to pull her in threw Shelby off balance.

Her free hand fell to the center counsel to stabilize herself and their lips disconnected for a moment. Toni pulled back to see what had happened, but Shelby didn’t let her. She used her hand on her neck to pull her in and reconnect their lips.

Shelby was now leaning hallway across the car. One hand on Toni’s neck to keep her close and the other on the center counsel to keep her from falling. Toni still had one hand buried in her hair which she used to dictate the kiss while the one on Shelby’s waist continued to try to pull her closer.

Shelby finally pulled back and gasped in a breath. Toni’s eyes remain closed, but Shelby felt both her hands tighten faintly. Shelby looked down at the hand that held her awkwardly perched up, he then brought her gaze back up to see Toni looking at her with dark eyes.

Shelby gulped at the expression and felt Toni’s hand that was on her waist graze the skin beneath. At the contact she surged forward and kissed Toni again. This time she didn’t stop. She clambered over the center counsel, only banging one knee into the gear shift and getting one foot stuck in the process. After Toni had blindly helped pull her foot free, she settled into Toni’s lap.

Shelby straddled her and used both her hands to frame her face. Shelby slipped her tongue into Toni’s mouth and heard a groan leave the brunette. Shelby kissed her harder at the noise.

Toni’s hands were on her waist, holding tight but barely moving. When Shelby pulled Toni’s bottom lip into her mouth Ton’s hands dipped under her shirt, just grazing the hot skin.

Shelby gasped at the contact and ground herself fully on Toni’s lap. Ton’s hand tightened again, but then released her and moved up to lightly pull Shelby’s hands from her face.

Shelby pulled slightly away in confusion. She saw Toni breathing deeply and she looked as dazed as Shelby felt.

Toni released Shelby’s hands and again rested hers on Shelby’s waist, this time about her shirt much to Shelby’s disappointment. Shelby placed one hand on Toni’s shoulder to stabilize herself and used the other to push her hair out of her face that had been messed up from Toni’s hands. She waited for Toni to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that first part, but I think I made it up to ya'll. I almost didn't have that entire last section in this chapter, I had briefly considered having the last part here just be them texting to meet, but then I decided I really wanted that bit from Shelby's POV so here we are.
> 
> I hope y'all's 2021 is off to a good start, mines not the greatest. I hope I can keep to my updating schedule but depending on if things in my life fall off a little more I might not be able to. But I'm optimistic (not a usual thing) because honestly I've been turning to writing this to keep my mind off other things, super healthy Ik.
> 
> Ok sorry, went off on a tangent there, but as usual, leave a comment to let me know what you thought, whether praise or constructive criticism, it's all welcomed.


	11. Li-Lv

Li.

Shelby’s eyes were darker than Toni had ever seen them. Toni could just see a green ring around the dilated pupil. Shelby’s exhales brushed Toni’s face, and Toni’s eyes fell to Shelby’s lips which were light pink and parted.

Toni leaned up and lightly kissed her but pulled away before either girl could deepen the kiss. She then leaned her forehead against Shelby’s and breathed in her perfume.

“Hi,” She said quietly and gave Shelby’s waist a slight squeeze to reassure herself she was still there.

“Hi,” Shelby responded equally quiet. Toni opened her eyes to see Shelby already examining her face.

“So, the thing is,” Toni breathed out, “I actually do like you as I’ve recently come to discover.”

Shelby’s head leaned back, and she giggled lightly. She looked down at Toni biting her lip to contain her smile. Toni just watched the action. How her hair fell behind her to expose her slender neck and her biting her lip just make it more appealing.

“Well that’s good,” Shelby said with a wide smile that she had given up trying to hide. It was the first time her full smile had been unleashed at Toni; Toni instantly loved it.

“Is it?” Toni asked, more serious than she had been seconds prior.

“Hmm?” Shelby questioned, she looked confused.

“Well,” Toni looked away as she thought of how to phrase her question. Her fingers absentmindedly began to fiddle; almost immediately Toni was reminded that her hands were currently hold Shelby and her fingers were playing with the hem of her shirt. She blushed and stilled her hands.

“Is it good I like you?” Toni clarified trying to ignore the reminder that minutes before her hands hand been under Shelby’s shirt, “Or would it have been better if I had just accepted your apology and let you leave?”

Toni felt Shelby’s eyes on her, but her’s remained locked on her hands and the hem of Shelby’s grey top. Eventually one of Shelby’s hands cupped the back of her head and tilted it up so she was looking at her.

“Personally I’m very glad you like me and didn’t just let me leave,” She said with a sly smile, but when Toni only gave a tense smile in return she continued, “Really Toni, I do like you, a lot, and I know I’m not, I mean neither of us are really,” Shelby kept trailing off, but then she took a deep breath and continued, “I would like to try to figure something out.”

Toni tried to keep her expression neutral She examined Shelby’s face to make sure she was sincere, but she felt her lips tick up. She rolled her lips into her mouth to stop the smile, but it still broke out.

“Ok,” Toni breathed out through her smile, “Good,” She highlighted the word with a squeeze of Shelby’s waist.

Shelby smiled down at her and leaned down to kiss her again.

The kiss was slower than the previous. Toni let Shelby lead it completely, just reveling on the feeling on Shelby’s lips on hers and her hands on Shelby.

One of Shelby’s hands remained on the back of Toni’s head to dictate the kiss. The other one slid under Toni’s jacket to rest on her should, stuck between her jacket and sweatshirt.

Shelby slowly picked up the kiss, her hands tightening and her tongue swiping across Toni’s lips.

Toni let her hands slip under Shelby’s top again, she loved the feeling of Shelby’s smooth skin under her fingertips.

Shelby whined into Toni’s mouth when Toni gripped her fingers into her waist more and pulled her weight onto Toni. The sound made Toni smile into the kiss and pull back.

“Sorry,” Shelby whispered into the space between them, “I get carried away around you.”

Toni smiled and resisted the urge to kiss her again, “Same, but I figured we shouldn’t get to carried away. You probably have a curfew or something, don’t you?” Toni said it as a tease, but it made Shelby stiffen so she figured she was probably right.

“Shit,” Shelby said and turned to look at the clock on the dash. It read 7:53. “Thank god,” Shelby said with a sigh. “Yeah, my curfew’s eight thirty for school nights. If I missed it my parents would grill me for ever detail of what I was doing. And that would definitely not be good.”

“Yeah doesn’t sound like fun,” Toni agreed.

Shelby smiled again and looked down at Toni with mirth in her eyes. She then climbed back over the center counsel, much to Toni disappointment. Once Shelby was settled Toni dug around in the back for her bag, once she had it, she pulled it up so it rested on her lap.

Toni then looked at Shelby at a loss for what to do. Shelby seemed in a similar situation as she just returned Toni’s gaze. Eventually Toni leaned over and gave Shelby a lingering kiss. When she pulled back, she opened her door and stepped out in one motion.

“Good night,” Toni said as she looked in the car at Shelby.

“Good night Toni, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Shelby responded with yet another smile. Toni was being spoiled with all her smiles. Toni closed the door and took a few steps back so Shelby could pull out.

Shelby slowly backed out as Toni walked to the front door. She paused before she entered, waving at Shelby before she left, the car was too dark for Toni to see her wave back.

Lii.

Toni was practically bouncing in her seat. She was used to having extra energy, but she wasn’t used to it being excited energy instead of angry energy.

She didn’t know what to expect for pre-cal, but she was excited to see Shelby.

When Shelby finally entered the room Toni immediately stilled herself, Shelby didn’t need to know how anxious she was. Shelby immediately looked her way and Toni’ face broke into a smile, which she looked down at her desk to hide.

Shelby sat next to her and shifted around until she finally settled in a position. Then she proceeded to continuously tap her fingers on the desk and look out the window like cloud watching was her new profession.

Toni watched her for a moment. Her hair pin straight like always, except now Toni knew how it and how it looked after she ran her hand through it. Her make up done in her usual natural way, but Toni could see a blush slowly crawling up.

“Good morning,” Toni said, when Shelby glanced at her from the corner of her eye, she gave her a cheeky grin.

Shelby roller her eyes while simultaneously biting her lip to contain a smile. Toni’s gaze dropped down to her lips and remained there until Shelby cleared her throat and began pulling her class supplies from her bag.

After watching her for a moment Toni also pulled her things from her bag, then sat quietly and waited to see if Shelby would break the silence. She finally did halfway through their warmup problems.

“So,” She began, and Toni looked at her expectantly, “Umm, how’s basketball?” She trailed off hesitantly and kept her focus on the problems.

Toni felt a small smile on her face as she watched Shelby, she decided to go with it instead of drawing attention to her new awkward nature.

“It’s going really well. We’re set to make it to state, and we’re favored to win, but we have to keep it up to make sure we don’t drop off,” Toni explained, Shelby looked up at her and she seemed more relaxed now that Toni had started talking.

“When is state?” Her head tilted as she asked the question and Toni had to physically stop herself from doing something stupid, like kissing her.

“A little less than a month, it’s in the second full week of March.”

Shelby nodded and smiled softly before returning to her work, just as Toni thought she wasn’t going to reply she asked, “And when’s your next game?”

“Tonight, it’s an away game in Greenville so we actually get to leave last period early cause it’s a pretty long drive. But there’s another one Friday which is a home game.” Toni wondered if Shelby was just making conversation or if she wanted to know because she wanted to go. Of course, she could always find the schedule on the school website, so it was probably the first.

“The game Friday, is it supposed to be good?” Toni looked up at Shelby to find her already look at her, perhaps it was more than just conversation.

“Yep, when we win it’ll secure us a good place going into the state tournament,” Toni watched as Shelby’s lips curved into a smile, she really had a great smile when she wasn’t giving a fake on.

“’When you win’? Wow, someone’s confident,” Shelby teased. Both of them were speaking relatively quietly, no louder than anyone else in the room.

“Come watch the game, then you’ll see why I’m so confident,” Toni openly flirted. She was enjoying this way more than she had expected. Both her arms were on the desk and she was leaning forward to be closer to Shelby, trying to make the teasing grin on her face obvious.

“I’ve been to your games,” Shelby reminded her, and Toni watched as her gaze flickered across her face and down her body, or as much as they could with the desk in the way.

“Oh right,” Toni agreed and ignored how her brain was reminding her how last time Shelby was at a game Toni almost lost them the game and then proceeded to play her best game of the season, “So then you understand my confidence.”

Toni wiggled her eyebrows to heighten her statement. Shelby just laughed at her. Toni waited for her to finish laughing, once she did, she opened her mouth to say something else but a voice in front of them cut her off before she could.

“This is an interesting change,” Fatin said and Toni faced forward to see her looking between Toni and Shelby in amusement, “Nice to have a little variety.”

Toni laughed loudly, it was funny, not enough for how loudly she laughed, but she was in a good mood, sue her. Toni turned to look at Shelby to see if she was smiling, because she didn’t see hear her laugh, but all she saw was her stricken face.

Toni laugh died out and she quietly asked Shelby, “Are you ok.”

Shelby swallowed deeply and looked at Toni like she had just realized something, “Yeah,” She said tersely and then went back to working the problems which they had already finished.

“Shelby,” Toni prompted but she was ignored. Toni continued to watch her, but after multiple minutes pasted with no recognition she gave up.

Toni spent the rest of class in a significantly worse mood, she continued to try to converse with Shelby, but continuously came up empty. Shelby would respond with one or two words occasionally but refused to look at her.

Toni sighed in defeat at the end of class and acknowledged that this was going to be more difficult that she had expected.

Liii.

“This is so boring, please tell me it’s not as bad to watch when I’m playing,” Toni dramatically pleaded to Martha who sat on the bleachers next to her.

“You know the girls are more interesting to watch,” Martha responded with an eyeroll, “Stop digging for compliments.”

“I’m not digging for compliments,” Toni said in mock offence.

“Yes, you are. Be quiet Toni,” Regan said from her spot on the bleacher directly below them.

The three always sat in a triangle while watching the boy’s game because it was the easiest position to talk and not leave anyone else.

“You guys are so mean to me,” Toni pouted, and both her friends shoved her causing her to accidently knock into the person next to her. After a mediocre apology Toni turned back to her friends who were laughing at her, “That just backs up my statement, you’re mean.”

“Yeah but you need it Toni, you’re mean to everyone, someone has to be mean to you,” Regan joked as she stuck her tongue out at Toni.

If anyone else had said it Toni would have been riled up immediately, plenty of people had been mean to her, had hurt her, but Regan didn’t mean it that way. Martha, and now Regan, had always been the only people Toni let get away with insulting her and pushing her away, but when Toni glanced over her shoulder to see Shelby still sitting near the top of the bleachers next to a curly haired brunette, Toni realized that might not be true. Shelby got away with a lot of shit when it came to Toni.

Over the course of the week Toni had tried talking to Shelby in class, from little things to make her laugh or jabs to make her fight, nothing worked. She would respond with a word or two every once in a while, sometimes she even gave Toni one of her secret smiles, but all she succeeded in was confusing Toni even more. She had no idea where they stood, and Toni refused to text her first. She didn’t want to face the embarrassment of being left on read.

Toni had admitted to liking Shelby, and Shelby had said the same, but Toni didn’t know what to do now. She sighed in frustration and tried to focus on the game. She hadn’t planned on staying for the boys game but had figured some time with her friends would take her mind off Shelby. It wasn’t working. Toni had been shocked when she saw Shelby in the stands. She’d expected her to have forgotten about the game, or if she’d remembered to have avoided it like she had Toni all week, but here she was.

Every time Toni glanced at her she was either already looking or in conversation with the girl to her side, or sometimes both. After Toni looked back multiple times over the course of a few minutes Regan finally noticed.

“What are you looking at?” She asked and followed Toni’s gaze to the top of the bleachers.

“Huh?” Martha said before realizing everyone was looking back and she too followed their gaze.

“No one, nothing,” Toni said and quickly look back at the game.

Martha and Regan both looked at her with mirth on their face.

“No one, huh? So not a certain blonde?” Martha teased and Toni glanced once more over her shoulder against her will. Shelby was already looking right at her and her friends. Toni smiled, but Shelby didn’t return in.

“Nope, no blonde,” Toni said when she faced her friends, but she was aware it was a blatant lie.

Both girls started laughing as Toni’s face slowly grew red.

“You’re an awful liar,” Regan said with a wide smile.

“I’ll keep that in mind, but I fail to see how that’s relevant because I didn’t lie,” Toni tried to cover for herself.

Her friends continued to tease her, but nothing enough for Toni to get mad. The eventually dropped it of when they realized Toni didn’t want to talk about it. A few minutes later Toni’s phone buzzed.

**Shelby [8:01] : Can we talk after the boys game? Meet at my car?**

Toni stared at the message for a minute then glanced behind her. Shelby was very obviously not looking at her, instead her focus was on the court for the first time. Toni drew her attention back to her phone.

**Toni [8:02] : sure**

Toni turned off her phone and looked up to see Martha already looking at her.

“Everything ok?” Martha asked, the question drew Regan’s attention and she turned around.

“Yeah, all good,” Toni gave them a smile that was real but looked slightly pained, “Um, I don’t think I’ll be able to do anything after this, if we had planned to, something just came up,” Toni gestured to her phone.

Regan looked like she was going to pry, but Martha spoke before she could, “Ok, I can still give you a ride through.”

“You don’t have to,” Toni responded, and both her friends looked at her in doubt.

“You’re not walking home at 8:30 at night when I can just give you a ride,” Martha said it like it was common sense.

“No, I mean I already have a ride,” Toni again gestured to her phone. She shifted in her seat as both her friends continued to watch her.

“Toni,” Regan began, but Toni cut her off before she could continue.

“Guy, it’s fine, really. I promise everything is good, I just can’t talk about it yet.”

Both her friends held her gaze, but then Martha nodded, and Regan followed her lead.

“Ok, as long as you promise,” Martha said hesitantly.

Toni nodded and smiled at both her friends. They accepted it and their attention fell back to the game. Toni once more glanced over her should to see Shelby again watching her, when their eye’s connect Shelby immediately looked away. Toni sighed and turned her attention back to the boring game that was taking place on the court.

Liv.

As soon as the boys’ game was over Toni, Regan, and Martha made their way outside to the parking lot. It wasn’t crowded yet as most people stayed a little after the game to talk. The three began walking towards Martha’s car, Toni keeping an eye out for Shelby’s as she hadn’t told her where she parked. Toni caught sight of blonde hair and soon spotted Shelby’s car near where it had been parked earlier in the week.

“Ok guys, I’ll see you later,” Toni said as she broke off from her friends.

“See ya Toni,” Regan called while Martha just waved.

Toni waved back and then picked up her pace as she approached Shelby’s car. It wasn’t on, but Toni could see Shelby already inside so Toni tossed her stuff in the back and then opened the passenger side and slide in.

Toni gave Shelby a wide smile, hopefully now she could figure out what had been going on all week. Shelby returned the smile, but hers wasn’t nearly as genuine. After a moment she started the car and began to back out of her spot.

“So,” Toni said to break the tension, but she wasn’t sure where to go with the situation, “You came to the game,” She said just to say something.

“Yeah, you were really good,” Shelby said, which caused Toni to smile widely. She hoped Shelby would continue, when she didn’t Toni glanced at her to see her siting straight up looking more tense than Toni had ever seen.

“Shelby,” Toni prompted trying to get her to loosen up. When she didn’t respond Toni lightly touched her should, causing her to jerk the steering wheel and jump in her seat.

“Fuck,” Toni said in surprise at the sudden movement, “Shelby, what do you want?” She sighed, she was done with Shelby’s hot and cold attitude, however much she liked her it wasn’t worth it.

Shelby finally looked at her out of the corner of her eye, she took a deep breath before speaking, “What I want is to know exactly what you and your friends were talking about.”

The statement confused Toni, what did that have to do with anything. “What? You mean during the game?” When the only response she got was a terse nod she continued, “I don’t know, nothing really, how much the guys suck, how great the girls are, how much we hate school,” Toni listed off aimlessly.

“You told her didn’t you,” When Toni looked at Shelby, she looked agitated. They were driving randomly, Shelby focusing solely on the road. Toni looked at her in confusion having no idea what they were talking about.

“Wha-” She began but was immediately cut off.

“You told her about the,” Shelby trailed off and swallowed deeply before continuing, “About the whole,” Shelby lifted her hands off the wheel briefly and gestured wildly, she then looked at Toni. Toni saw how scared she was for the first time. “Did you tell her?” Shelby finally asked after Toni didn’t speak.

“No,” Toni instantly responded, “Fuck I would never.” And it was true, Toni would never out someone, regardless of how well she knew the people she would be telling.

“Right,” Shelby said, and Toni hoped that she would finally come to her senses, “Because you’re too ashamed.”

Nope, didn’t look like she was coming to her senses.

“What? No Shelby, I’m not the one with the shame,” Toni began getting frustrated. She had no idea where they were, Shelby was talking complete nonsense and Toni didn’t know what to do.

“You’re the one-” Toni began, but when she looked at Shelby, she still looked terrified. Toni made herself take a breath and then started over, “Listen Shelby, how about we go somewhere, we can park, get some food, and talk. I have no idea what is going on right now, and I really don’t think you should be driving, you seem pretty upset.”

At first Shelby looked like she was going to argue, but then she took a couple breath and finally relaxed a little.

“You’re right, you’re right. Ok, what do you want to eat?” Shelby asked.

Toni was about to say Shelby should choose when she saw a bright yellow sign ahead, “How do you feel about waffle house?”

Lv.

It didn’t take much to convince Shelby it was ok to go in and eat. At first she had been worried someone would see them, but after Toni had pointed out the she had been driving directly away from school the entire time and now they were on the opposite side of town she relented.

Once they sat down in the booth on opposite sides of each other a silent awkwardness overcame them. Eventually Toni broke it after she checked her phone.

“I hope you don’t have that eight thirty curfew,” She said and gesture to her phone which read 8:54.

Shelby gave a faint smile, “No, I’m good until twelve, my parents aren’t as strict on weekend nights as long as they know who I’m with and have their number.”

Toni looked at her expectantly, “Is this your subtle way of asking for my number for your mom?”

Shelby looked horrified at the idea, “No, no definitely not. My parents think I’m with Becca, my best friend.”

Toni nodded and decided against teasing her about lying, “Becca? Is that the girl you were with at the game?”

Shelby nodded slowly, looking at Toni like she didn’t know where the conversation was going. Toni didn’t know where it was going either, she was just searching for anything.

“Does she-” Toni began to ask where she went to school, but Shelby cut her off before she could.

“I don’t want to talk about Becca.”

“Um, ok,” Toni looked at her in confusion, guess that was a sore topic, “Well what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know,” Shelby tossed her hands up and looked annoyed, “You’re the one who said we should get food.”

Toni clenched her jaw and began grinding her teeth before making herself stop. She breather deeply and was about to speak when the waitress came over. After giving the waitress their orders, they were again left in tense silence. Toni made herself break it, if Shelby didn’t want to talk then fine, they wouldn’t talk again.

“Ok Shelby, you need to talk to me, about whatever this is,” Shelby was avoiding her gaze but she continued, “Obviously Monday night happened,” A slight blush creeped up Shelby’s face and Toni forced herself to ignore it to continue, “And then you were fine in the beginning on Tuesday, but then you completely shut off. You were completely shut off until, no actually you still are. I’m going to need you to explain, or you can just drive me home.

Shelby looked at her when she was done. Toni watched as Shelby’s gaze darted around her face, lingering on her lips before latching on her eyes and resting there.

“Ok,” Shelby breathed out in a deep sigh. Her eyes were locked on Toni’s, but they dropped to her hands when she began, “I do like you Toni, I told you that, but I can’t just date you, or be with you, or anything that easy.”

“I know-” Toni began, but Shelby cut her off.

“Please Toni, let me get this out,” She waited for Toni to nod, then she continued, “On Tuesday when Fatin that to us it really freaked me out. Toni people can’t know. No one can know,” Toni was nodded her understanding, and when Shelby didn’t immediately continue she spoke.

“Ok, I understand, you can’t be out. That’s ok,” Toni tried to reassure, but Shelby was already shaking her head before she finished.

“Toni, you’ve heard Andrew talk right?” Toni slowly nodded not knowing where this was going, she’d really rather not think about that dick, “Yeah he talks like that because he goes to my church, my church which is run by my dad. Toni, if my dad found out anything, if he found out I was even halfway friendly with someone who’s-,” Shelby trialed off like she couldn’t say it, it made Toni clench her jaw, “Much less that I- well Toni, I don’t even know what he would do.”

Right as she finished talking the waitress returned with their food. She set everything down then quickly left, like she knew she was interrupting something.

“Would he kick you out? What about your mom?” Toni asked as she began cutting her chocolate chip waffle.

“I don’t know, I really don’t. Honestly, I think it would be more along the lines of conversion therapy or something,” Toni’s eyes widened at the thought, “As for my mom, well she’s not as bad, but she lets my dad run the house, what he says goes,” Shelby sighed in defeat and Toni wished she could comfort her in some way.

“Ok, so what do we do?” Toni asked and Shelby looked at her in confusion.

“There’s nothing we can do, he’s my dad. This is my family,” Toni just shook her head, Shelby had misunderstood her.

“No, I understand that, as much as I hate it and wish you could get out, I’m not going to recommend you leave or anything. I know what it’s like to not have a family and I’d rather you avoid that,” Shelby opened her mouth to comment, but Toni continued, she didn’t want this to become about her, “I meant what do we do about us?”

A small smile creeped onto Shelby’s face.

“Us?” Shelby asked hesitantly.

“Well that’s what I choose to refer to us as after your tongue was in my mouth,” Toni teased, and she watched as blush suddenly rushed to Shelby’s face. Toni loved it when that happened, she wanted to follow that blush down her neck under the scope of her sweatshirt, but Toni made herself return her gaze to Shelby’s face.

“I just didn’t know you would want there to be anything, I mean you heard me. I can’t actually date,” Her face grew redder at the word and Toni’s smile somehow grew, “Or anything like that.”

“But we can still, I mean, we’re hanging out now, we spent time together on Monday. Surely, we can still have something, even if it’s not officially dating,” Toni said, growing more awkward as she went.

Shelby smiled at her from across the table, “Really? You’d be willing to try? I’m not exactly easy.”

That made Toni laugh lightly, “Don’t I know it,” She said with a wide smile so Shelby knew she was joking, “But yeah Shelby, I am willing to try, I don’t have it in me to be scared about something that could be good, and I really think this could be good”

Toni smiled and watched as Shelby returned the gesture. Then she shoved a bite of waffle into her mouth and smiled through it as Shelby fell into a fit a laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y'all liked this chapter, going into it I was expecting it to be a lot shorter, but I'm very happy with how it turned out. Let me know what you thought about our two idiots in love actually talking to each other. Pretty sure this is the first conversation of theirs's I've written where they're not yelling at each other so I hope it came out well.
> 
> And thank you to everyone who wished for my 2021 to improve, I believe it steadily will, but things take time so fingers crossed. First day back to school was today so I could say updates will slow down, but honestly they haven't yet and I enjoy this more than homework so I have hopes they will keep up.
> 
> You might have noticed but I set the chapters, I have the rest of this fic planed out at 20 chapters, so it's just a little over halfway there. each fifth chapter will be Shelby's so we still have chapter 15 and chapter 20 for her.
> 
> Honestly this fandom is taking over my life in the best possible way, I have like four different fic ideas for Shoni, so I think it'll be enough to keep me entertained until season two. we can hope. Let me know if I should learn how to use twitter, it might be nice for when I'm between works idk.
> 
> Ok sorry for that really long AN, not super necessary but oh well. Let me know what you thought! I thrive on comments, they're my source of energy.


	12. Lvi-Lx

Lvi.

On Monday Shelby got to class first. When Toni entered, she was already sitting at her desk pulling her supplies out of her bag, but the second Toni stepped inside Shelby looked up like she was waiting for her. She gave her a small smile as she walked to the back and sat down.

Toni got out her supplies in silence, not yet sure how to interact with Shelby. After class started and they began warm-up problems Shelby seemed to pick up on the fact that Toni was waiting to follow her lead.

“So, do you have any idea how to do these problems?” Shelby asked and scooted her chair over slightly, so they were sitting closer together.

Toni made a show of leaning over the textbook and looking at the assigned problems. She then dramatically flipped through her notebook as if looked for other problems. Then she closed her notebook and look Shelby directly in the eye.

“I don’t have the slightest clue,” She held a straight face, but then Shelby cracked a smile and Toni broke out into laughter, Shelby followed close behind.

It didn’t last long, and their laughter was soon contained as they didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention. Once they sat quietly again Shelby spoke.

“Well sucks for you, guess you’re going to fail,” And she began working.

Toni watched her for a moment, how a small smile was still on her face. Then Toni once more looked at the problems to do. Then she was faced with a problem.

“No, Shelby I actually have no idea how to do these,”

Shelby looked up at her from beneath her lashes and a curtain of hair. Toni resisted the urge to push her hair back. “This is what we spent all last week on,” She said with a teasing smile like she still though Toni was joking.

Toni looked at the problems, they looked slightly familiar but not enough that she would ever be able to solve them alone, “That explains it then.” Shelby looked at her confused, “I was kinda distracted during class all last week,” Toni said with a smirk.

Toni watched Shelby’s face grow red, “Then I guess I have to explain it don’t I?” Shelby said in mock frustration.

“Considering you were the one distracting me that seems fair,” Toni said, now she had a confident grin on her face. She loved how easily Shelby would blush when she said anything remotely relating to anything about them.

Shelby’s face was red, but she seemed to be searching for a comeback, apparently, she came up empty as she just moved her chair and binder even closer to Toni.

“Ok slacker, pay attention.”

Toni did pay attention, but probably to the wrong things. She paid attention to how Shelby’s hair always brushed over the paper because she leaned close to it while solving problems. She paid attention to how Shelby’s eyes would dart to her lips every time Shelby looked at her. She paid attention to how she didn’t flinch when Toni purposefully made their hands tough when working on the same paper. She paid attention to how her perfume was very subtle and how it was actually her hair that smelled so good.

By the time they were done with the warmup problems Toni could solve them, but she’d be insisting they did the problems together every class.

Through the rest of the class the two continued to talk, nothing loud, nothing important, but enough that Toni understood how it could be. After they had talked Friday night Shelby had dropped her off at home, with a goodnight kiss, and they had texted throughout the weekend. They had hung out for a little Saturday afternoon just an hour or two, most of which was spent in an empty parking lot at a park making out.

But after all that Toni understood how it could be. When they were alone where no one could see them, they could kiss and at like a couple. When they were in public, but places where it wasn’t odd to talk or where people wouldn’t recognize them, they could be civil and friendly. But Shelby made it very clear that anywhere where people that Shelby could know from church, they could not look at each other, they couldn’t do anything to signal that they knew each other.

Toni knew it was a recipe for disaster. She knew she would probably get hurt, she would probably snap and end up hurting someone else, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Lvii.

“Alright girls, this may not be the best team we’ve played, but this is our most important game yet. Remember, this tournament is one loss elimination, so we can’t afford mistakes,” Coach Burke looked around the girls gathered. Toni stood near the front, shorter than the majority of her teammates, and he focus was completely on her coach, “But don’t let that stress you out. You girls can do this, you will do this, because you’ve worked all year for this,” He looked around with a serious expression, but then in broke into a wide grin, “Now are we ready.”

The girls cheered. Coach Burke took a step back and all the girls began jumping and cheering, Toni in the middle leading the chants. This was what she lived for, about to be on the court, about to fight with her team to continue to progress in the tournament. She loved the instant reward that came from her hard work. In other situations, even if she gave her full effort, other people could still take the benefits, but not on the court. That’s where she thrived.

After the girls finished their chant they rushed onto the court, jumping and hollering. The student section soon picked it up and the noise was deafening. As Toni jumped in front of the crowd, gesturing for them to grow louder she search the stands, looking for the blonde hair she could always pick out in a crowd.

Shelby had said she would be at the game, said she couldn’t wait to cheer Toni on. Toni made sure not to get her hopes to high as there was always the possibility her parents wouldn’t let her go, but after only a few seconds of searching Toni found her.

Toni grinned as she locked eyes with the blonde. She threw her an obvious wink and then turned her attention back to her teammates.

The game started shortly after, similarly to the first game Toni had seen Shelby at, Toni’s attention was constantly drawn to her, but with better outcomes than the previous game. Toni was in the zone, running plays to perfection and making nearly every shot. The opposing team never stood a chance.

Lviii.

When the final buzzer went off the student section rushed the court. Tony was swept up into the middle of it and didn’t see Shelby or Martha and Regan during the chaos. Before Toni could hunt them down Coach Burke called the team together for their after-game huddle, it went by quickly and within minutes he dismissed the girls.

By then the court was clear as the boys still had their game, but most people were milling around the area behind the bleachers. Toni spotted Martha and Regan and began making her way towards them, before she got close enough to address them Toni felt a hand grasp her upper arm.

The second Toni looked at the contact it was dropped, and Shelby took a step back, so she didn’t stand as close. Toni tried to contain her smile when she looked at the blonde, Shelby gave a small smile but mostly shifted on her feet and glanced around worriedly. Toni quickly caught on.

“It’s ok,” Toni began to reach out to reassure her but stopped her hand before it got to for, “Are you free to hangout? I can meet you at your car after I shower,” Toni hopefully suggested, trying to keep the eagerness out of her voice.

“Yeah?” Luckily Shelby sounded just as eager, “You’re not hanging out with your friends?” Shelby nodded toward where Martha and Regan stood, talking to some other people from school.

“Nah, I’d rather hangout with you,” Toni smiled widely, forgetting that she was supposed to seem indifferent toward Shelby in public.

Shelby didn’t seem to notice; she just nodded and gave a sly smile. Toni bit her lip and winked before turning away and walking towards Martha and Regan at a faster pace.

“Toni!” Martha cheered when she saw her approach.

“Mrs. MVP herself,” Regan teased once Toni was standing with them. Toni stuck her tongue out at Regan, but Regan just reached up and messed up Toni’s already messy hair.

“Bitch,” Toni mumbled jokingly under her breath as she tried to fix it, Regan heard and pushed her causing her to stumble a few steps as they both laughed.

When Toni righted herself and rejoined her friends the others had left, and it was just the three of them.

“So, you hungry?” Martha asked. Toni’s face fell as she remembered that it was Thursday, usually Martha couldn’t come to the weeknight games, the fact that she was there meant that she had worked something out with her family, and here Toni was about to bail. Martha must have seen her change of expression because she continued, “Or do you have to go home?”

“Um, I don’t have to go home,” Toni rubbed the back of her neck and tried to avoid Martha’s gaze, “But I was planning on hanging out with someone else, but I can cancel-”

Martha waved her hands to cut Toni off before she could get further.

“Toni you’re fine, if I go home now then my mom can still get work done and I’ll be free tomorrow,” Martha gave a wide smile and Toni felt a pang of guilt.

“You sure? I really can-” Toni tried again, but Martha wasn’t having it.

“Toni, really, you’re fine. You just have to promise to hangout sometime this weekend.”

Toni looked at Regan to see is she was ok with that and she was already nodding. It didn’t take much more convincing for Toni to cave. She quickly excused herself as she still had to shower, as she walked away Regan called, “Be safe, use protection,” But Toni’s back was turned so no one could see her blush.

Lix.

“I hope you know it’s going to be your fault when I lose the next pageant because the only thing I eat anymore is fast food,” Shelby said as she stole more of Toni’s fries.

“What can I say, I only gives girls the finest dining experience,” Toni finished her statement by eating her fry as daintily as possible.

Shelby laughed as Toni tried to keep her refined aura, but eventually she too cracked and began laughing.

The two were sitting in Shelby’s car again, at the same park they had spent time at over the weekend. The car was off, and the girls ate McDonald’s for dinner while talking about nothing. When they finished their meal, Toni began to grow angsty. Toni was shifting in yet another position to sit when Shelby finally called her out.

“Are you ok? You keep moving around?”

“Yeah, just have a lot of energy I guess,” Toni shrugged and drummed her hands on her knees.

“You literally just played an entire basketball game,” Shelby pointed out with a laugh.

“Yeah sometimes that seems to give me more energy for some reason,” Toni looked at Shelby, but then she broke into a wide grin as an idea came to her, “Let’s go for a walk.”

Toni began bouncing in her seat like an excited five-year-old as she waited for Shelby to respond.

“Right now?” Shelby asked doubtfully as she looked outside, Toni just nodded, “Toni it’s pitch black out.”

“No, it only looks like that, you’ll eyes will adjust,” Toni bypassed her complaint, “Come on,” Toni reached out and grabbed Shelby’s hand to help persuad her, “I’ll protect you.”

Shelby rolled her eyes, but she looked like she was considering it, “It’s cold, I only have this sweater,” She gave as a different attempt to deny her.

Toni just smiled widely, “You can wear my jacket,” Shelby’s eyes immediately fell to Toni’s jacket. Toni thought about the last time Shelby’d worn it. The night she’d fought Andrew, it had been the turning point in her and Shelby’s relationship.

When Shelby didn’t immediately respond, Toni opened her door and climbed out. She circled the car to Shelby’s side and opened the door, she smiled down at where Shelby sat in her car.

“Come on, please,” Toni pouted, but all she succeeded in was making Shelby laugh. Apparently, she needed to work on her pleading face, it didn’t get much use.

Shelby did get out of the car after a moment, and Toni immediately shrugged off her jacket and handed it to Shelby. Shelby slipped in on and and wrapped her arms around herself to bundle in it. She the locked her car and slipped the keys into her pocket.

Toni watched the process. Her straight blonde hair and nice jeans didn’t go with the beat-up jacket, but Shelby looked more comfortable in the jacket than anything else Toni had seen her in. Toni realized she was stuck in her own head when she noticed Shelby was leaning against her car watching Toni watch her.

“Sorry,” Toni shifted her weight on her feet, “So wanna go for that walk?”

Shelby made a show of looking around the park and then back at Toni, “I mean I don’t think I ever said I wanted to go on the walk,” As she said it she pushed her weight off the car and stepped closer to Toni.

Toni closed the distance and kissed her. She had to tilt her head up slightly; she placed a lingering kiss before pulling back. Shelby seemed too surprised by the action to immediately reciprocate.

“But you’re gonna go for the walk because I’m irresistible,” Toni said with a smile.

This time Shelby was the one to kiss her, Toni immediately responded. Shelby darted her tongue across Toni’s bottom lip and just as Toni went to deepen it Shelby pulled back.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re too cocky?” Shelby teased as Toni resisted the urge to pull her back in for the kiss.

“Yes,” Toni slipped one hand into Shelby’s pocket to find hers, “And I have faith you will continue to remind me,” When she finished speaking she pulled Shelby’s hand from her pocket and linked their fingers, she then pulled her out of the parking lot at to the walkway.

The two girls walked through the park. It was to dark to enjoy the beauty of it, as Shelby enjoyed pointing out. Instead they spent the time walking huddled close together. Toni talked about basketball and how it offered her an outlet; Shelby talked about pageants and how she loved some aspects of them but hates others.

They did a short loop, coming back to the car in less time than Toni had expected.

“Do you want to keep walking?” Toni asked as the walkway approached where their car was parked. She saw Shelby continue to shake her head and continued, “Or are you cold, would you rather get back in the car?”

Shelby continued to shake her head, “No, I’m fine.”

Toni looked at her in confusion.

“No as in you’re not cold? Or you don’t want to get back in the car?”

“Both,” Toni felt Shelby shrug as they were still huddled close together as they walked, “I’m not cold and I don’t want to get in the car.”

“Ok, so another loop?” Toni offered and began to lead them away from the car, but Shelby pulled her back before she got far.

“No, come on,” Shelby lead her towards the card, pulling her by one are.

Toni stumbled behind her, laughing as she went, “Ok but if you don’t want to get back in the car I don’t get-”

They had reached the car and Shelby had stopped walking, but Toni had continued causing her to bump into Shelby cutting herself off. Shelby turned so she leaned against the car and Toni continued to stand directly in front of her. Shelby pulled her even closer, slid her hands into Toni’s freshly washed hair and pushed her lips against hers.

Toni instantly responded and gripped Shelby’s waist beneath the bulk of her jacket. She used the leverage, and her body to push Shelby against the car, causing Shelby to whine into her mouth and pull slightly at Toni’s hair.

Toni pulled away with a gasp, “Well you could have just told me this is what you wanted to do.”

“Shut up,” Shelby huffed and pulled her back in.

Lx.

Shelby’s alarm started going off.

Toni’s hands were under her shirt, one still gripping her waist and the other laid on the side of her ribs, brushing the underside of her bra. One of Shelby’s hands was on Toni’s neck to keep her mouth close, while the other was grasping Toni’s upper arm holding her close.

The sudden noise jolted the two girls apart, before realizing the origin of the sound and beginning to laugh.

Shelby reached into her back pocket to retrieve her phone while Toni step back close to remain in her space. Shelby’s phone showed it was eight o’clock and Toni remembered Shelby’s eight thirty curfew.

“I suppose you have to go home?” Toni asked and slide her hands back to Shelby’s waist. That’s where they felt like they belonged, whenever Toni kissed Shelby or was allowed to touch her, her hands immediately fell to her waist.

“Yeah,” Shelby said with a disappointed sigh and gave Toni a small kiss before continuing, “I can drop you off first thought. It’s about twenty minutes home so I have time.” Shelby began to walk to the other side of the car, but Toni kept her grip to stop her from moving.

“Sure, as long as you don’t get distracted.”

Toni kissed Shelby and pulled her lip into her mouth in the way that always made Shelby loss track of everything else. Just as Shelby was falling into the kiss Toni stepped back and fully separated herself.

“Come on, I though we had to go?” She teased.

Shelby scrunched her nose at her, “I don’t like you.”

Toni laughed as watched as Shelby walked to her side of the car, “Don’t lie to yourself like that.”

“I never should have told you I like you,” Shelby mused as they both got into the car, “It somehow made your ego even bigger.” Toni laughed and Shelby buckled up and started the car, “Now I have to figure out what to tell me dad I was doing all night. I’ll probably just tell him I was doing this just with Andrew and not mention all the kissing,” Shelby thought out loud.

At hearing his name Toni stiffened. They had just pulled out of the parking lot and were on the road back to Toni’s house. Toni was quiet for a moment as she thought about what Shelby had said, but she found that she couldn’t not comment.

“And you’ll tell him you were with Andrew because he’s your boyfriend,” Beside her Shelby laughed, not seeming to understand how Toni was feeling.

“Obviously, I wouldn’t hangout with him otherwise, not that I really hangout with him,” Toni stared at Shelby as she continued to talk like she didn’t understand what was going on, “He really doe suck and I’m glad you beat him up, even if you really shouldn’t get in fights.”

Shelby was now pulling into Toni’s driveway and Toni continued to just look at the blonde. Eventually when Toni didn’t immediately respond or move to get out of the car Shelby noticed something was up.

“What’s wrong?” Shelby asked seeing Toni’s face.

“You’re still dating Andrew?” Toni asked, Shelby nodded her head in confusion. Toni opened the door and got out. She grabbed her bag from the back seat and began stalking toward the front door.

“Woah, Toni hold up,” Shelby had gotten out of the car without Toni noticing and was standing in front of her, “What’s wrong? I explained this to you, I have to keep dating so my parents don’t suspect anything.”

Toni clenched her jaw and pushed past the slightly taller girl, “Yeah, I get that. But Andrew?” Toni stopped her movement forward and looked back at Shelby to make sure she saw the disgust covering her face, “Sorry Shelby but no, that’s not happening, at least we’re not happening if that’s happening,” Toni resumed her movement toward the door.

“Wait Toni, let’s talk about this,” Toni felt Shelby’s grip on her arm, but she yanked it away.

“Nothing to talk about,” Toni began the process of unlocking her door, “Besides, don’t you have to go home?”

“No, actually we have to talk about this,” Shelby argued and physically spun Toni, so she had to look at her.

“Go home Shelby, don’t want your daddy asking questions, do we?” Toni sneered, she pulled out her phone for effect and showed Shelby the screen. 8:13.

“Shit,” Shelby’s eyes widened when she saw the phone, “Toni, we’re talking about this tomorrow,” Shelby stated, and she backed away and made her way back to her car.

“Break up with Andrew and sure thing,” Toni called after her. Toni watched as she drove away and didn’t notice until she was in her room and undressing that Shelby still had her jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the late update. I know you will all say it's fine but still, whenever I miss an update it makes it harder for me to write it because I got thrown off course if that makes any sense. Honestly I was just not in the mindset to write last night with everything that had been going on throughout the day. If any of y'all don't live in america I an thoroughly jealous. 
> 
> This isn't my best chapter I know, but I also wasn't having the best day today, but I knew once I got it out y'all's comments would help brighten it so I can get back on track. 
> 
> Honestly don't think anything I just said made sense, so I wish you luck in understanding. usually I answer comments right after I post but I'm going to have to put that off tonight so sorry about that, but I will answer everyone's comments so thank you
> 
> Again sorry for the subpar quality but I'll get it back up with the next update.
> 
> Please leave comments to let me know what you though or about anything really.


	13. Lxi-Lxv

Lxi.

Shelby was already in her seat when Toni walked into precal. Toni sighed when she saw the way the blonde perked up when she walked in and how she sat up straighter to prepare for the coming conversation. But Toni wasn’t having it, there wasn’t going to be a conversation unless she broke up with Andrew.

When Toni sat down, she spoke before Shelby could, “Don’t even try, if you’re still dating Andrew, we have nothing to talk about.”

Shelby didn’t listen, unsurprising, “Toni, I have no idea what’s going on. Literally a week ago when we talked about this, I explained everything. You know how my family is, you know I can’t date you.”

Shelby was leaning closer to Toni so she could whisper with no chance of anyone over hearing, but she was also making it hard for Toni to remain unattached as she was invading her space. Toni glanced at her and immediately fell into the trap. Shelby’s eyes ere wide and pleading, a swirling mix of green and hazel that Toni loved. Toni could smell her shampoo and perfume, the way they blended to make a smell that was uniquely Shelby.

Toni yanked her gaze back to the front of the room so she could focus.

“I get that,” Toni started to loudly, she glanced around and when she didn’t see anyone paying any attention she dropped her voice and continued, “I don’t expect you to date me, but I also won’t do whatever this is while you’re dating Andrew.”

“Is it the cheating aspect?” Shelby question, “Because Andrew-”

Toni cut her off before she could continue with whatever she was saying, “No, again I get that you need a boyfriend, cover and all,” Toni chanced another glance at Shelby who still looked completely confused. Toni finally turned to face the blonde completely, Shelby seemed surprised by the sudden face to face confrontation and jerked back slightly in surprise, “Shelby, the problem isn’t you having a boyfriend. The problem is your boyfriend being Andrew.”

“I know you don’t like him,” Shelby began, and Toni was already rolling her eye at wherever this was going, “But he really is my best-”

Toni cut her off again, she didn’t want to hear how Andrew was her best anything, “Shelby stop. You’re not getting anywhere with this. If you are dating him then I’m not going to be anything to you.”

Toni faced forward and pulled her notebook out of her bag. The two girls had been whispering during announcements and Coach Burke would begin the lesson soon. Toni looked forward to the distraction from the girl beside her who was still to far in her personal space.

“Toni at least explain. Why are you being like this?” Toni clenched her jaw to stop from responding. “You know I don’t like him; I like you. Why is this now an issue?”

Toni sighed deeply and clenched her hand around her pencil. When would this lesson start, her self-control was already awful, when you made it about Shelby it basically went down the drain.

“Toni talk to me,” Shelby demanded, she was still being quiet, but Toni could hear the blatant frustration in her voice, “He’s a dick yes, but he’s my best bet. Why don’t you get that?”

There it was, Andrew wasn’t the best for anything, regardless of what Shelby had made herself think.

“Why don’t you get that he,” Toni didn’t even realize she was being loud, Shelby jumped back at her sudden loud voice, but it was Coach Burke that cut her off.

“Toni, Shelby,” Toni cringed at being called out, they had been doing so well, but it was probably good that she had stopped her. The last thing Toni wanted was to have this conversation where others could hear and accidently out Shelby, that wouldn’t help anything, “Unless you girls want to continue you’re conversation up here next to me in front of everyone I suggest you quiet down and work on the problems in your book.”

“Sorry Coach,” Toni said just loud enough for him to hear. She pulled the textbook that was on Shelby’s desk towards her and began flipping to find the correct page. Shelby didn’t respond at all, just watched Toni silence.

Lxii.

Toni had more stuff to shove in her bag than usual as it was Friday so she couldn’t leave much at school. Luckily it had been an easy practice because of the teams win the day before. Everyone was out of the locker room and headed home to start their weekend by the time Toni had successfully consolidated all her stuff in one bag. It actually helped that she didn’t have her bulky jacket because it never would have fit in her bag.

Toni walked out of the gym and immediately turned to begin her walk home. She didn’t get very far before a familiar car pulled up.

“Oh, did you break up with Andrew?” Toni asked as she continued walking, not stopping as she knew Shelby wanted her too.

The car sped up slightly, stopping a few feet ahead of Toni. Shelby stepped out almost immediately.

“Toni, let me drive you home. Help me understand what the hell is going on.”

Shelby looked extremely frustrated. Her hair was frizzier disorderly than usual. Toni had a brief flash of hot anger when she imagined Andrew’s hands in it, but then Shelby ran her hands through her own hair and Toni realized she was being dumb.

“Shelby, I don’t know how much clearer I can be. I’m not letting you drive me home. I’m not letting you and me do anything if you’re dating Andrew.” Toni had walked pasted where the car was parked but had turned back around in anger when she finished to make sure Shelby understood what she was saying.

“So, you won’t even let us talk? Toni you are being completely unreasonable. Why aren’t you giving me a reason for any of this?” Shelby looked angrier than Toni could remember seeing her in along time. Toni felt guilty for a moment before Andrew’s face once again flashed in her mind, then she just clenched her hands harder.

“What other reason do I need besides it’s Andrew,” Toni flung her hands up in frustration, why didn’t Shelby get this, it was Andrew, of course she couldn’t date Andrew, “You know him even better than I do, so you should want to date him even less than I want you to.”

“I don’t want to date him,” Shelby yelled in frustration. Toni didn’t respond, she knew this already, so why didn’t Shelby breakup with him. Shelby continued at a more contained level. “You know I don’t want to date him; I know you know that. Why are you being to fucking petty about this?”

Toni flinched slightly at Shelby cussing, she rarely did, but when she did it showed the extent of her anger. “There’s nothing fucking petty about this,” Toni put emphasis on the words that she repeated from Shelby, “I won’t be anything to you if you’re dating Andrew, simple as that. If you don’t understand that then there’s really nothing else I can say.”

The two girls looked at each other. They were about ten feet apart, Shelby still standing near her parked car, Toni beyond it. Toni began walking backwards, giving Shelby a chance to say something but making clear she was leaving.

“I can’t break up with Andrew without an actual reason from you. I need a boyfriend right now, that’s something I thought you understood but apparently not.” Toni clenched her jaw to stop from responding. She understood Shelby needed a boyfriend, she had said that already, it just couldn’t be Andrew. When Shelby didn’t continue Toni turned her back and walked away.

“Let me know if you break up with Andrew,” Toni called over her shoulder but didn’t look back.

“Let me know if you get over yourself and will actually talk,” Shelby called after her.

There was silence for a moment, then Toni heard the slam of a car door and Shelby’s car started. She drove past Toni without stopping this time. Toni tried not to think about what she might be doing tonight since she wasn’t hanging out with her.

Lxiii.

“Sorry I’ve been so MIA recently,” Toni said once she was comfortable on Martha’s couch. They had just gotten back to her house after Martha had picked Regan and Toni up. Now they all lounged around Martha’s TV room.

“As much as I’d like to give you crap for that, you really haven’t been,” Regan dismissed her statement.

“Yeah I have, I didn’t hang out with you Thursday, and I flaked last night,” Toni argued.

“Toni, we never hangout on weeknights,” Martha countered her this time, “Once on the weekend is pretty average for us.”

Toni thought about it and realized she was right. Although Toni had been hanging out with Shelby often, it really hadn’t impacted the time she spent with her friends.

“Well, whatever,” Toni rolled her eyes, “Accept my apology, it doesn’t happen often.”

Martha and Regan laughed, Regan was sitting on the armchair next to the couch and Martha was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch, her dog, Maggie, draped across her legs.

“We’re extraordinarily grateful for your unnecessary apology,” Regan said and blew Toni a kiss which she pretended to bat out of the air. “But, while we’re on the topic. Are you going to tell us what’s going on?”

“Regan,” Martha said in an abolishing tone, and Toni paid attention to the look she gave her. Toni got the distinct impression this was something the two girls had talked about often.

“Nothing’s going on,” Toni said as she chose to ignore the interaction.

“Toni, we’re not going to press, but seriously? If you’re going to lie to us make it believable,” Martha said as she laughed at Toni’s response.

“Whatever, you’re not going to press, so why do I even need to answer?” Toni pointed out and both girls nodded their head at her point.

The conversation carried on and changed, but about an hour later after Toni had checked her phone for the third time in five minutes and huffed when she saw no messages both her friends called her out.

“Toni, what is on your phone that is so annoying,” Regan asked, and then after thinking for a moment added, “Or not on your phone I guess.”

“Nothing,” Toni said with a groan, but when she saw the looks her friends began to give her, she continued, “I’m just waiting to see if I get a text.”

Toni covered her face with her hands and groaned into them. This was pointless, she shouldn’t be this upset just because Shelby hadn’t reached out, besides if she wasn’t going to break up with Andrew, she didn’t want her to reach out.

“Ok Toni,” Martha said after a long pause of silence, “You don’t need to tell us what’s going on obviously, but also, what’s going on?”

Toni sat up and removed her hands, both her friends were looking at her in confusion. After hesitating for a moment, she began ranting.

“It just makes no sense, like she could have anyone she wants, literally anyone. Have you seen her?” Toni asked rhetorically, she continued on, her gaze roaming the room, avoid both of her friends, “But she chooses him. There is no reason for her to be with him, but there’re so many why she shouldn’t be.”

Toni stood up and moved so she could pace the room like she always did when she ranted to her friends.

“And this isn’t about me, regardless of what she might think. This is about her, and the fact that I don’t trust him. He’s going to push her, and god knows she’s going to refuse. So, what’s the next step? He’s going to force it, and there will be nothing I can do besides kick him ass. Except I might not even be able to do that because it would draw suspicion as to why I care, which is dumb because everyone should care about things like that.”

Toni paused for a breath and finally looked at her friends. Both were watching her in concern, neither looked confused, just like they were trying to follow a complicated story.

“So,” Martha began slowly, and Toni instantly tensed worried about what she might say, “Did you explain that that’s why you don’t want her with him?”

Toni opened her mouth so say she obviously had, but then paused. She tried to remember if she had said it that clearly.

“Well, I don’t know if I said it in as many words. I told her that I wouldn’t be anything unless she broke up with him. And I told her it wasn’t about having a boyfriend, I don’t care about that, really, I mean it’s annoying, but I understand. I told her it was about him as a boyfriend.”

“Toni, people don’t just know what you’re thinking.” Martha began, but Toni cut her off with an eye roll.

“I know that Marty, I don’t think she’d a mind reader.”

Martha a just shot Toni a reprimanding look and continued, “Apparently you do because you gave her an ultimatum with no explanation behind it,” Toni opened her mouth to argue but Martha waved her off, “Regardless of what you say that’s what happened, unless you left out a major part of the story. Did you leave out a major part of the story?”

Toni shook her head. She had left out basically the entire story, but not what Martha was asking about.

“Then that’s what happened,” Martha said finally.

Toni looked to Regan to see is she could get in support, but she was pointily looking out the window so she couldn’t be involved. With a sigh Toni sat back down and looked at Martha.

“So, what am I supposed to do?”

Martha rolled her eyes good naturedly, “Talk to her, try that for once.”

Toni stuck her tongue out but nodded her head in reservation.

“Ok I will,” No one spoke for a moment, but then Toni continued, “Also I wasn’t supposed to mention anything so can you guys not like,” She trailed off, but both her friends were already nodding.

“The only name you mentioned was Andrew. We’re pretty dumb, I don’t think we’ll make any connections,” Regan said with a comforting smile.

Toni returned the smile and laid back down on the couch. She would call Shelby later, for now she could try to spend undistracted time with her friends.

Lxiv.

**Toni [6:21] : can we talk?**

Toni stared at her phone, Shelby hadn’t responded in almost an hour and she was running out of things to do to distract herself. She had almost resorted to doing homework on a Saturday night, but she hadn’t fallen that far. Toni opened a random game on her phone and began mindlessly playing, paying more attention to the top of the screen hoping a message would pop up. After almost five minutes of playing the game a message appeared at the top and Toni immediately tapped it.

**Shelby [7:16] : Sorry, I was at dinner with the family. Yes we can talk, what is it?**

Toni immediately began typing out a response but held herself back halfway through her message. It would look bad if Toni responded in the first minute, she didn’t want Shelby to think she was just sitting around waiting for her to respond, even if that was exactly what she was doing.

Toni slide back to her game, played one round, then went back to messages and responded.

**Toni [7:18] : can i call?**

Shelby’s response came through almost immediately.

**Shelby [7:18] : Sure**

Toni stared at her phone; she hadn’t expected to get that far. She clicked Shelby’s name at the top of the screen and hovered her finger over the call icon. After a moment passed and nothing happened Toni closed her eyes and pressed, she immediately moved the phone up to her face without opening her eyes. Shelby answered on the second ring.

“Hello,” Toni opened her eyes at the sound of her voice. She rolled out of her bed and moved out of the room so she could pace around the house.

“Toni?” Shelby said over the phone and Toni realized she hadn’t responded.

“Yes, yes, hi, sorry,” Toni rushed out. Shelby didn’t immediately respond, and Toni fumbled over how to continue, “So I didn’t realize that you, or well I realized that I didn’t, basically what happened is-”

“Toni!” Shelby cut Toni off before she could continue to make a fool of herself, “Take a deep breath, figure out what you’re trying to say, then say it.”

Toni did as she said and took a deep breath. Some how during the entire time of waiting for Shelby to respond she hadn’t thought about how the conversation would go.

“Ok, first I want to apologize because I blew up on you, like I do, and you don’t deserve that,” Toni paused but Shelby didn’t say anything so she continued, “Also I realized I’m an idiot and need to explain to you why I don’t want you dating Andrew instead of just telling you you can’t.”

“Well I accept your apology, and please explain, because Toni I have no idea what’s going on,” Toni hear the frustration in her voice and cringed, she began to pace fasted as she explained.

“It’s not because you have to date a guy, I understand that, I might not like it, but I understand and accept it. But the problem is I don’t want you dating Andrew because honestly I don’t want him around you,” Toni was on a roll now, Shelby hadn’t tried to say anything yet, but Toni knew if she did she would plow right on, “From what I’ve seen of him he’s a complete dick, and when I saw you together I was genuinely scared for you. I can’t stand the thought of him near you because I can’t stand the thought of him forcing you to do something you don’t want to. And I know he says things that hurt you, even if that’s not his intention he still does.”

Toni took a deep breath after her spiel and slowed down so she was standing still. The other side of the phone was silent for a few second before Shelby finally spoke.

“Toni, first of all thank you because now I actually understand the problem,” Toni winced at the slight dig, but Shelby continued so she didn’t let herself think to much about it, “But Toni the thing I don’t think you understand if Andrew and I barely spend time with each other anymore. He’s the perfect cover because I can just say I’m with him when I’m with you and there’s nothing to stop me.”

“What do you mean you don’t spend time with each other?” Toni questioned thoroughly confused. He was dating a girl like Shelby and didn’t want to spend as much time possible with her, that didn’t make sense. Even if he didn’t like her, he had eyes, and Shelby was gorgeous, “He’s a teenage boy, he’ll only be satisfied with his hand for so long and start looking for something else.”

“What?” Shelby asked, from her voice Toni could tell the point had gone right over her head.

“His hand,” Toni repeated and paused hoping Shelby would get it the second time, when she didn’t Toni continued, “You know, to jerk-”

“Oh God!” Shelby exclaimed cutting Toni off. Toni couldn’t help but laugh and the horrified tone in her voice, “Please stop talking Toni,” Toni laughed harder, once it subsided Shelby continued, “And he’s already gone looking for something else. He’s not just sitting home when we’re not hanging out, he’s out doing other things with other girls.”

There was a pause over the call as Toni processed what Shelby was saying.

“He’s cheating on you,” As Toni said it her hands clenched reflexively.

“Yes, but technically I’m also-”

Toni didn’t get to hear the technicality because she cut Shelby off, “Well now you definitely have to break up with him.”

Shelby was quiet for a moment before asking, “What?”

“Shelby he’s cheating on you! You don’t deserve that, I don’t know how he could possibly cheat on you, I mean has he seen you? The jackass definitely has something messed up in his brain.”

“Ok Toni I think you missed the entire point. He’s cheating on me so he’s not going to pressure me, and he doesn’t care if I don’t hangout with him. He’s literally only still my boyfriend to my parents.”

Toni though about it for a minute. It made sense, but it also made no sense, because again: Why would he cheat on Shelby?

“Ok, yeah, I guess I get it,” Toni said.

Shelby didn’t say anything for a moment, probably waiting to see if Toni would say anything else.

“So, are we okay?” Shelby asked hesitantly, “Like are we good to still be us even if I’m still technically dating Andrew?”

Toni breathed deeply then blew it out, “Yeah, yeah we’re good. Again, sorry I exploded on you.”

“It’s ok,” Shelby sounded significantly happier than she had at any other point at the call which made Toni smile, “I’m just glad we’re okay.”

“It’s not okay but thank you. And fair warning I will probably be obnoxious when it comes to Andrew,” Toni warned, she already felt apprehensive about it, but if Shelby said it was ok, “Just please text me if you ever hang out with him one on one, and just keep me updated.”

“Will do, but I can basically guarantee that won’t be happening,” Shelby said with a laugh.

Toni sat down on the couch in the living room feeling much calmer then she had at the beginning of the call.

“So, I know tomorrow is Sunday and you have church and shit, but is there any chance I could see you?” Toni asked hopefully.

“I mean if you come to church,” Shelby began jokingly, when Toni huffed t the bad joke she continued, “I could probably find a few hours in the afternoon, like one to four or so.”

“Really?” Toni asked way to hopeful.

“Yeah,” Shelby sounded more confident, “I’ll just go to Becca’s after church and she’ll cover for me.”

Toni still didn’t know who Becca was, but she was infinitely grateful for her presence in Shelby’s life.

“Sweet, I’ll look forward to it.”

Lxv.

“So, how was church?” Toni asked from where she stretched out on the blanket Shelby had brought to the park.

After Shelby had picked Toni up, they had driven to the other side of town to find a park no one they would know would be at. Toni had briefly argued that no one would be at the park anyway, but it hadn’t taken much to convince her once Shelby pointed out she would be to scared to kiss Toni if they were too close to school.

“Oh please, don’t even,” Shelby laughed at Toni’s question, “At least ask something you might actually care about.”

Toni just smiled up at the blonde. It was an unusually warm day for early March, and Shelby was still in what she had worn to church. A pale pink dress that fell to just above her knees and a white cardigan over it. Toni had teased her about the outfit when she had first seen it, but if anyone made it look good it was Shelby.

Toni laid on her back, both her arms behind her head. Shelby sat next to her, legs stretched out and arms back to support her weight. Toni realized she hadn’t responded when Shelby looked down at her with a knowing look in her eyes.

“Hey, I could care about church,” Toni blatantly defended herself.

“Sure, you could, but you don’t,” Shelby immediately responded, still looking down at Toni. Toni was lost in her green eyes.

“Can’t argue with that, so what would you like to talk about?”

Shelby’s hair was pinned back so none of it fell in her face, as much as Toni enjoyed the unobstructed view, she also missed the constant way Shelby would always tuck it behind her ears.

“Not sure, there’s just so much we could talk about,” Shelby drew her lip into her mouth and Toni’s eyes instantly fell to the action.

Just as Toni was going to lean up to connect their lips Shelby turned her head away. She shifted so she too was laying on her back, but unlike Toni her hands were clasped across her stomach. Toni’s head was turned sideways to stare at her profile.

“You’re right, too many topics, too much to know. We could talk for hours and still not know everything.”

Toni watched as a smile overcame Shelby’s face. Once it had completely taken over Shelby too turned her head, so they were once more looking at each other.

“Almost makes it seem pointless doesn’t it?” Shelby asked with faux innocence. She fluttered her eye lashes and made a show of biting her lip.

Toni let out a loud laugh before sitting up slightly, so she was propped up on her elbow and leaning of Shelby. Shelby turned her head at the new positioning to she looked straight up at Toni.

“If only there was something else to do,” Toni said as she slowly lowered her head.

She watched as Shelby’s eyes fluttered closed and she tilted her jaw up slightly to meet Toni’s lips, but Toni stopped before she made contact. After a couple seconds Shelby opened her eyes to see Toni hovering just over her with a smug grin on her face.

“You’re obnoxious, I hate you,” Shelby said.

Toni began to laugh, but before she fully could Shelby’s hands came up to her neck and pulled her face down. Her laugher transitioned to a groan as Shelby immediately slipped her tongue into her mouth and tugged lightly at her hair.

Toni’s hand that wasn’t supporting her weight went to Shelby’s side. Her splayed her fingers out across Shelby’s side, feeling the heat from her skin through the thin fabric of the dress.

Shelby sat up slightly and Toni followed her blindly, to caught up in the taste of her tongue to understand anything else. Shelby kissed her harder, making Toni pull back a little gasping for air. Shelby’s hands used their positioning to tilt Toni’s head back, so her neck was exposed, next thing Toni knew Shelby was slowly pressing kisses along her jaw line and moving down to her neck.

Toni moved her hand to it no longer just rested on Shelby’s torso, but so that it gripped her waist and tugged her closer. When Shelby’s lips fell upon a certain spot on Toni’s neck her breath caught and her arm that was holding her up moved to Shelby’s waist as well, making Toni fall so she laid on her back.

Shelby accepted the new position with ease. Toni’s hands pulling her close, her hands keeping Toni’s head tilted back. Shelby’s lips fell to Toni’s collar bone which she kissed along before moving up to her pulse point and sucking lightly.

Toni let out a strangled groan and wished more than anything that she could feel Shelby’s skin without the dress in the way. Shelby then nipped at the skin causing Toni to again groan, but this time her eyes opened as well, giving her a clear view of the sky and the sudden realization that they were still in the park.

“Shit,” Toni breathed out with a strangled laugh as she realized how carried away, they had gotten.

She brought her left hand up cup Shelby’s chin and draw her lips back up. After kissing her gently she pulled back although Shelby whined at the loss of contact causing Toni to seriously regret the action.

“Shelby,” Toni said lightly and watched Shelby’s eyes blink open, “We’re still in the middle off the park.”

Shelby’s eyes widened and her face immediately flushed bright red. She dropped her face to Toni’s neck, her hands leaving Toni’s head to slide beneath her lower back to cling to her.

Toni laughed at her antics and wrapped her arms around her waist to hold her in place.

“I hate you,” Shelby mumbled into Toni’s neck

“Yeah I could tell,” Toni teased.

She laughed louder when Shelby groaned in embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, hope you like this chapter, I guess it's early, but this was also the original night fort this chapter so not really I was just late last time. Anyways I'm a lot happier with this chapter than the previous one so I hope you like it.
> 
> More importantly, I'd like to apologize for how I worded parts of my last author note. As I mentioned, everything that had happened in the us threw me off and put in a mood in which I couldn't write it, but saying I was jealous for people not in the us was just plain ignorant and inconsiderate of me. I know I still have a much better experience than I might in other countries and I'm sorry if that didn't show. I'll make sure I'm more conscientious of the things I say (or type, whatever) and keep everything in mind in the future.
> 
> As always I'd love a comment, no matter about what, and please continue to call me out if I ever do/say something offensive. y'all are the best and I would never mean to do so


	14. Lxvi-Lxx

Lxvi.

“So, there’s something I want to talk to you about,” Toni said from her seat across from Shelby.

The two were eating dinner, Shelby had picked Toni up after practice and they had driven to the other side of town. Now the two girls sat in an almost empty fake Mexican restaurant. Toni was looking down at her chips and queso, trying to avoid spilling any.

“Ok,” Shelby said slowly, “What is it?” Toni didn’t immediately respond so Shelby continued, “Toni, you do realize that’s like the one thing you can’t say without immediately continuing.”

Toni finally looked up at Shelby and smiled apologetically, “Sorry, I didn’t really think that through, but it’s nothing bad, at least I don’t think so.”

Shelby looked at her from across the table. She raised her eyebrows and rolled her lips into her mouth, “Still not reassuring Toni, what is it?”

“Umm,” Toni fiddled with the chip in her hand, accidently breaking it then dusting the crumbs off her hands. She looked down to make sure no part of the chip had fallen on the ground when she finally continue, “I was wondering, or I guess hoping,” Toni paused again, she glanced at Shelby who was looking at her with a cross between affection and annoyance, “No, wondering, I was wondering if you would be ok with me telling Martha and Regan about, well us.”

Shelby’s eyes immediately widened. She was already shaking her head, but Toni continued before she could speak.

“You don’t have to say yes obviously, it’s just, well for one thing they definitely know something is up and I feel bad hiding this from them. Plus, they would obviously be completely cool and accepting, and I’d really like you to meet them. Like meet them as my, um something, you get what I mean,” Toni laughed lightly at her own inability to talk. When she looked back up at Shelby, she looked like her mind was going a mile a minute.

Toni waited for Shelby to speak, and after a moment she did, “What do you mean,” She began slowly, “They know something is up?”

When Toni fully locked eye’s with Shelby she saw the fear swirling in them, “I haven’t told them about us, I haven’t mentioned you at all recently. It’s just that I’ve bailed on them a few times to hang out with you, so they know I’m spending time with someone. Plus, there’s the fact that before we kissed, I talked about you constantly because I had a massive crush but covered it as hating you, which probably didn’t fool Martha at all. I’m just saying they wouldn’t be surprised or anything.”

As Toni talked, she continued to watch Shelby. Shelby relaxed slightly over the course of the explanation, but she still looked tense.

“So, they just know you’re seeing someone, they don’t know it’s me?” She clarified and pushed around the contents of her burrito bowl.

Toni shrugged, “I mean technically they don’t know I’m seeing anyone, but they probably suspect so and they probably suspect it’s you.”

Shelby pushed her half-eaten dinner away. She put her elbows on the table and buried her head in her hands.

“Toni,” She said with a sigh, and Toni restrained her desire to move to the other side of the table to comfort her. Showing any physical affection in public, even if they didn’t know anyone around, wouldn’t help the situation. “Why would they suspect me?”

Shelby’s head remained buried and Toni wished she could see her face so she could read her emotions, “Well like I said the whole crush thing,” Toni felt her face heat up even though this wasn’t the situation for her to be embarrassed about liking Shelby, it was just a reaction to admitting she had a crush.

“But that shouldn’t have tipped them off about anything,” Shelby finally raised her head and looked at Toni in confusion, “They should still think I’m painfully straight and in a relationship with Andrew. So, what if you had a crush, doesn’t automatically mean it’s reciprocated.”

Toni cringed at the mention of Andrew, “True, but over the weekend, on Saturday before I apologized, I ranted to them about the situation,” Shelby’s face immediately turned to one of anger and Toni rushed to finish. “I didn’t mention your name, or Andrew’s, but from the way I was talking it was obvious I was talking about Andrew because they know how much I hate him. Plus, at the end I accidently confirmed it was Andrew when Regan said his name. I didn’t mention you I swear, but by context it wouldn’t be a far leap for them to make.”

Shelby still looked mad by the time she was done. She rubbed her hands over her face and groaned. When she dropped her hands, she stared at Toni who sat in her chair fiddling while her hands guiltily. Toni hadn’t thought much about ranting to Martha and Regan, but that’s because she knew them, she hadn’t thought about how Shelby wouldn’t like them even suspecting anything.

“Toni,” Toni looked up from her hands, Shelby was sitting up straight with her hands folded on the table in front of her, “What the hell, you know I can’t be out. You knew no one could know.”

“I’m sorry, I was just so frustrated about the situation I had to let it out. I probably wouldn’t have called you if Martha hadn’t knocked sense into my brain because I’m an idiot.” Toni apologized. One of her hands lifted to touch Shelby’s but she stopped it before it moved to far, but Shelby still saw the movement and her gaze latched onto Toni’s hands.

“Toni,” Shelby sighed out again, that really wasn’t the tone Toni liked hearing her name in, “I’m serious, if you can’t keep this completely private then we can’t do it,” Shelby’s eyes raised and Toni bit her lip when she saw the sadness in them. “I know you trust your friends, but I don’t know them. Please do whatever you can to make them think it’s not me, we don’t have to hang out as much if that-”

“No,” Toni interrupted, “We can still hang out. Me and my friends never really do anything during the week anyway. And as for not knowing my them, that’s why I want you to meet them.”

Shelby was already responding before Toni had finished talking, “No Toni, the answer is no. I can’t meet them, and they can’t know about us.” She said it sternly and looking straight at Toni.

Toni nodded once she was done, “Yeah, ok, sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for asking, it’s just,” Shelby trailed off without finishing her sentence, but Toni nodded regardless.

“Yeah, I get it.”

The two girls looked at each other, then simultaneously looked away. Toni looked at her meal. She had finished her burrito and most of her chips, Shelby’s bowl still sat half-eaten, but Toni doubted she would finish it. After neither girl had spoken for a few minutes Shelby offered to drive Toni home.

“Yeah, I probably need to get to sleep early tonight,” Toni responded. She stood and began gathering their trash.

“You ready for the game tomorrow?” Shelby asked as they both walked to the trash can and threw everything away.

“Yeah, it’ll be hard, but we can do it,” Toni risked reaching for Shelby’s hand once they were outside, Shelby accepted and locked their fingers together as they walked through the parking lot.

“I don’t doubt it. And when you win you just have the championship right? Next Friday?” Shelby asked. They had reached her car and Toni dropped her hand to walk to the passenger side.

“Yep, tomorrow is the semi-finals, so then we’re going to the state final.”

The two continued to talk about the coming game on the drive to Toni’s house.

Lxvii.

When Toni sat down next to Shelby in pre-cal the next day Shelby didn’t raise her head or acknowledge her presence. Toni didn’t think much of it and greeted her as usual.

“Good morning,” The two had spoken, by text or otherwise, since Shelby had dropped Toni off the night prior.

“Hi,” Shelby responded quietly. She continued to flip aimlessly through her textbook and Toni recognized it for what it was, a clear attempt to avoid contact with Toni.

“Everything ok,” Toni asked hesitantly. She had thought the two had left last night on good terms, but maybe not.

“Yeah, fine. Why?” Shelby asked, still not looking at Toni.

“I’m not sure, you’re just being,” Toni hesitated, searching for the right word before settling on, “quiet, I guess.”

“I’m tired,” Shelby responded tersely, still not looking up, by now she had given up the act of flipping through the book and instead just looked down at a random page.

Toni looked at her hopelessly. There was obviously something more to it than being tired, but Toni wasn’t sure if class was the best place to bring it up. Eventually Toni just slouched down in her seat and faced the front of the class.

Through the rest of the class Toni tried to start conversations with Shelby, but each time she was met with short answers. When she asked what was wrong, Shelby denied anything was, by halfway through class Toni gave up and sat in silence for the rest of class.

Lxviii.

“Hi,” Shelby said once Toni sat down.

“Hey,” Toni said slowly as she looked over at Shelby, “Are we good?”

It was Saturday. Shelby had avoided all of Toni’s attempts to talk in class on Friday as she had Thursday. The two had texted briefly Thursday night, but only for Shelby to congratulate Toni on the basketball team’s win.

Shelby had texted Toni earlier in the day asking if she was busy, when Toni had replied with a negative Shelby had asked to hang out. Toni had quickly agreed, but now as she sat in the car with Shelby, she didn’t know how to approach the awkwardness between the two.

“Are you hungry?” Shelby asked. She stared the car and began backing out of the driveway.

“No, like an hour ago,” Toni replied.

“Ok same, I was thinking we could go to the park we were at last weekend.” Shelby looked at Toni who nodded, “It’s not as warm today, but it’s still sunny so it shouldn’t be that bad.”

“Sounds good,” Toni said. As Shelby drove Toni kept her gaze locked on the blonde. Shelby would glance over occasionally and give her a small smile, making Toni more confident that everything was ok. Shelby was always big on talking things out, so that was probably what she wanted.

By the time they reached the park they had used all the small talk available. Toni climbed out an got the blanket from the trunk they would sit on. When she closed the trunk, she saw Shelby shrugging on her brown Carhartt jacket standing next to the driver’s side back seat.

“I was wondering if you were going to mention that you stole that from me,” Toni said with a laugh.

Shelby smiled at her as she wrapped the jacket fully around herself, “I didn’t steal it, I just haven’t returned it yet.”

Toni walked closer to her, “Are those not the same thing?”

Once Toni was close enough Shelby leaned in and kissed her, it was short. Shelby pulled back before Toni could loosen the grip on the blanket to touch her.

“Nope, definitely not the same,” Shelby said smugly, she trailed one hand down Toni’s arm trying to find her hand which was buried somewhere in her pile of blanket.

Toni waved the blanket out and draped it over her shoulders like a scarf, she then held Shelby’s hand with one hand and held onto both ends of the blanket to stop it from falling with the other. The two began walking toward the middle of the park where they had been the week prior.

“I guess I’ll have to take your word for it,” As the two walked Toni swung their hands between them.

“You’re lucky it’s March, if you had stolen, “Shelby squeezed her hand jokingly and Toni continued, “OR refused to return my jacket when it was colder out I would have had to take it back.”

“Yeah,” Shelby drew out the word, “That wouldn’t have happened.”

“Excuse me, it absolutely would have,” Toni argued.

“You’re way too much of a softie to take it away from me,” Shelby said, when Toni looked over at her she had a wide smug smile on her face. Toni almost smiled at the sight, but she held it back just in time.

“I resent being called a softie,” Toni stated, she tilted her chin up haughtily, but Shelby just laughed at the action.

“Cool, doesn’t change the fact it’s true.”

Toni frowned and went to responded, but before she could Shelby pulled her to a stop and kissed her quickly. When she pulled back, she still hade the smug smile on her face.

“You can’t just kiss me to win an argument,” Toni said even though her face was slowly breaking out into a grin.

Instead of responding Shelby kissed her again. This one lasted slightly longer, enough for Toni to pull at their joint hands so Shelby stepped even closer. Toni pulled back when she remembered they were still in the middle of the walkway, a quick glance around assured her no one else was nearby. Toni went to continue down the path, but before she could Shelby pulled her off the path. Toni glanced around once more and realized they had reached the same spot they had been last time.

“Oh, that was a shorter walk than I remember,” Toni commented as she removed the blanket from her neck and let it unfold.

“You were just distracted,” Shelby commented. She helped Toni lay out the blanket once it had come undone.

“What can I say,” Toni flopped down on the blanket and smiled up at Shelby, “You’re distracting.”

Shelby laughed as she too sat down, although she did so more carefully than Toni had. Once Shelby was settled, Toni laid down and stretched out, bringing her arms behind her head in a similar position that she had taken the weekend before.

Toni felt Shelby examining her, so she turned and met her gaze. Shelby looked like she was contemplating something. Toni smiled reassuringly as patted the space directly next to her to indicate Shelby should lay down. Shelby eyed the spot, then she began to move. Instead of lying next to Toni, she laid down perpendicular, so her head rested on Toni’s stomach. The positioning startled Toni briefly, but then she removed her hands from behind her head. She brought one down to Shelby’s head and gently began to play with her hair, the other hand Shelby found and tangled with one of her own.

The two girls laid like that simply enjoying each other’s presence. But after a few minutes Shelby broke the silence.

“I’m sorry,” She said. Toni contemplated responding, but it sounded like Shelby planned to continue soon so she remained quiet. Surely enough Shelby soon continued, “I shouldn’t have ignored you like I did Thursday and Friday, at least not without an explanation.”

“You didn’t ignore me,” Toni defended lightly.

“You know what I mean,” Shelby bypassed it, Toni hummed her agreement. “I just,” Shelby broke off as she sighed loudly, Toni squeezed her hand to signal her presence. Shelby continued once she took a new breath. “That entire conversation Wednesday night scared me.”

Shelby sounded like she was going to continue, but Toni spoke before she could.

“I’m sorry about all of that. I shouldn’t have said anything to Martha regardless of what I was feeling, it wasn’t my place.”

“True, but I’m glad you talked to Martha is that’s the reason you called me. God knows you can be stubborn,” Shelby added the last part in a lighter tone, and Toni laughed as she was meant to, “I just- there’s some other stuff I want to tell you about, so please don’t say anything till I’m done.

Toni squeezed her hand once more as she responded, “I promise, I’ll shut up completely.”

Shelby laughed lightly, but not as much as Toni had hoped she would. Toni felt Shelby readjust her grip, she then took a deep breath before beginning.

“You know my best friend Becca, or you know off her at least. About a year in a half ago I kissed her,” Shelby paused after she said it. Her grip on Toni’s hand was tight like she was scared something bad would happen, Toni just continued to brush her hair and squeezed her hand to prompt her to continue. “The kiss only lasted a second or two, I’m not sure why I did it. Or I know why I did it, but I didn’t plan to do it or anything, I regretted it immediately. She pulled back and looked at me, I just sat there terrified about what I’d done.”

Shelby rushed the second half out, then paused to breath deeply. Toni wanted to speak to reassure her it was ok, but she had promised to stay quiet, so she restrained herself. Shelby soon continued her story.

“My dad walked in right after, just saying that dinner was ready, but I though he saw something. For the following weeks I kept expecting him to mention it to me, to lecture and reprimand. I was in constant fear. Becca tried to reach out, she texted and called but I ignored it. She came to my house a few times, but I made her leave immediately. I convinced myself what happened was her fault and if I removed her from my life, I would be fine.”

When Shelby breathed deeply in sounded shaky and Toni tightened her grip on her hand even more. Shelby had to take a few more deep breaths to collect herself before continuing.

“After about three month’s I convince myself my dad didn’t know. By then Becca hadn’t texted in a month, I hadn’t spoken to her in double that. It took a lot, but I finally texted her, I said sorry. Just one word. I didn’t expect a reply, but I got one. She immediately forgave me and asked to hang out. I agreed, the first time I saw her she tried to bring up what happened, I snapped and left. The second time she brought it up I acted like I had no idea what she was talking about. She got the memo after that an didn’t mention it again.”

Shelby paused in her story, while she was doing so Toni leaned up slightly to look at her. Her eyes were closed, and the hand that wasn’t connected to Toni’s was near her neck, holding Toni’s jacket closed to keep her wrapped.

“For a while I thought she took me back because she needed me. She’d been through a lot and lost a lot of friends along the way. I thought she just needed me to be her best friend. I was wrong. She took me back because I needed her. I didn’t realize that till this year. She cares about me more than I care about me sometimes, that doesn’t sound good but it’s true.”

Toni slipped the hand that was brushing Shelby’s hair under Shelby’s head. Shelby’s eyes opened at the movement, but Toni continued. She sat up and shifted so Shelby’s head was no in her lap and she could look down at her. Toni smiled and squeezed Shelby’s hand once more prompting her to continue. Shelby’s eye’s fell shut again as Toni resumed her action in Shelby’s hair.

“Toni, you and Becca are the only people I’ve ever,” Shelby trailed off before she continued once more, “Y’all are the only ones that know about me. And that’s not even because I told y’all, no I just kissed y’all, because apparently, I have terrible self-control,” Toni laughed lightly at that and she watched Shelby’s lips twitch up in a small smile. “I’ve never had to tell anyone, and that’s what scared me so much when you mentioned telling your friends.”

Shelby paused to sit up. She turned so she had directly facing Toni. They both had their legs crossed and were close enough that their knees touched. Toni connected her now empty hand with Shelby’s so both their hands were clasped.

“I’m ok with them knowing,” Toni opened her mouth but then immediately closed it when she remembered she couldn’t interrupt. Shelby smiled at the action but continued, “I really am, I’m just terrified about telling them. So, if you want to tell them, that’s ok, and I’ll be more than happy to hang out with them. We can all spend time together if you’d like.”

By the time Shelby finished speaking Toni had a wide smile across her face. She sat in silence for a moment before speaking.

“Can I talk now?”

Shelby laughed loudly and Toni smiled even wider at the sound, “Yes you can talk now,” She said through her laughter.

“Are you sure? Like really? I didn’t pressure you into this at all right, because I swear, regardless of what I’ve done might show I really am fine with keeping this hidden if it’s what you need,” Toni had a lot more she was going to ramble on about, but Shelby quieted her with a kiss.

She dropped both of Toni’s hands and used her now free ones to grip Toni’s neck to pull her close. The new pull threw Toni off balance and she began falling, her hands went to Shelby’s thighs to stable herself.

Both girls were laughing into the kiss, and when Shelby pulled a little more Toni let herself fall. The momentum knocked Shelby down, so she was on her back and Toni was above her.

The movement had separated the two, so they were no longer kissing, instead just laying in a heap giggling. Shelby’s hands remained on Toni’s neck, where as Toni’s had moved to Shelby’s waist as usual.

“You’re ridiculous Toni, I promise I’m ok with this,” Shelby said once she got over her fit of laughter.

Toni transferred her hands to the ground so she could prop herself up and look clearly at Shelby. She was smiling so widely her cheeks began to ache.

Lxix.

“Holy shit!” Toni yelled out the open window. She bounced in her seat and drummed her hands on the dash. Beside her Shelby was smiling laughing at her antics, but she too had a wide smile on her face.

Toni tilted her head back to she was looking at the ceiling on the car, “Holy fucking shit!” She screamed

Shelby laughed even louder beside her. The windows were down, and a random radio station was playing loudly, but Toni could still hear Shelby perfectly.

The entire ride Toni continued to yell in excitement and bounced around the car, as much has she could with her seat belt on. When they finally arrived at Regan’s house Toni was unbuckled, out of the car, and to the driver’s side before Shelby had finished putting the car in park.

As soon as Shelby stepped out of the car Toni hugged her tightly. She leaned back so Shelby’s feet were off the ground.

“Toni!” Shelby shrieked in glee as her arms wrapped around Toni’s shoulders.

Toni laughed and set her back down, keeping her arms tight around Shelby’s middle so the two were pressed against each other.

“Sorry,” Toni breathed out through her smile. Her eyes were locked on Shelby’s, she always found the swirl of color captivating.

“No, you’re not,” Shelby laughed, she brought one hand up to brush stray hair out of Toni’s face and Toni leaned into the contact.

“Yeah, I’m really not,” Toni said with a smile. Then she kissed her.

Toni pressed Shelby up against the car immediately, gripping her waist forcefully. Shelby groaned into her mouth and Toni felt her tug lightly at her hair.

Toni nipped at Shelby’s lower lip, then soothed in with her tongue. Shelby gasped at the contact and Toni used the opportunity to slip her tongue fully into Shelby’s mouth.

Her hands slid under the sweater Shelby wore to feel her bare skin. Her hands trailed up, so they were splayed across Shelby’s ribs, her thumbs brushing the underside of her bra.

Toni separated their lips. Shelby gasped for a breath and Toni dropped her lips to her neck. Shelby tilted her head back giving Toni full access. She began with light open mouth kisses, but they grew to small sucks and nips.

One area, right about Shelby’s collar bone, made Shelby moan causing Toni to linger there. Eventually Shelby pulled her mouth back to hers. Toni readily accepted the invitation and pulled lightly on Shelby’s bottom lip.

As they made out Toni pressed impossible closer. One of her legs slipped between Shelby’s and when Toni’s grip on her torso pulled her closer the pressure made Shelby moan loudly. Toni immediately noticed the positing and pulled her leg back, so it was no longer in place.

The two gasped for air, lips hovering close but not touching. After Toni caught her breath, she leaned back slightly to look at Shelby’s face, it was flushed bright red and her lips were slightly swollen.

Shelby’s eyes opened and Toni swallowed at how dilated they were.

“Sorry,” Toni breathed out, she had gotten way more carried away then she’d expected to.

“No, you’re not,” Shelby responded with a sly smile. Her hands were still in Toni’s hair and Toni’s were still under her shirt.

“Yeah,” Toni drew out the word and they both laughed breathlessly. “I am sorry for the, um,” Toni felt her face grow bright red, she looked down between their bodies then immediately looked away when she remembered how close she’d had Shelby just moment prior.

“Toni,” Shelby said with a laugh. She grasped Toni’s chin with one hand and turned it, so Toni had to look at her. “It’s ok, we both got carried away.”

Toni smiled at her. Shelby pulled her face in and they kissed deeply but pulled back before it could escalate again.

Toni took a full step back and let her hands fall out of Shelby’s shirt, although she immediately missed the contact. They both took a few deep breaths and smiled at each other.

“I can’t believe you won,” Shelby said, and her smile grew.

Toni laughed. She was so happy; it was spilling out of her and the way it came out was in laughter. She felt drunk on happiness.

Toni spun around in circles in the empty street. She closed her eyes, feeling the cold air rush by and hearing Shelby’s contagious laughter.

When she stopped spinning, she took a few straggled steps toward Shelby and hugged her once more, trying to put all her joy into it. She pulled back and looked at Shelby’s flushed face. They were both drunk on happiness.

“We should probably go inside,” Toni eventually said.

“Yeah, they’ve probably been waiting for us,” Shelby agreed.

Toni began to pull her toward Regan’s front door. She felt Shelby slow down the closer they got and her grip on her hand tighten. Once they were at the door Toni turned to Shelby.

“You sure you’re good with this?” She questioned one last time. Her friends already knew about her and Shelby, but this was the first time they were all meeting.

“Yeah, I’m a little nervous, just because it’s your friends. I want to make a good impression,” Shelby said sweetly.

Toni bit her lip as she watched Shelby shake her arms out, expelling her nervous energy. Toni then leaned in and gave her a quick peck.

“They’re going to love you, I promise.”

“If you say so,” Shelby responded, then she gestured for Toni to open the door.

Toni did so and pulled them both inside. She heard noise coming from the bonus room so that’s where she went. Whereas usually they would hang out at Martha’s house, they figured Regan’s would be better for the night as they didn’t have to worry about waking any younger siblings up.

Before she entered the room, Toni looked at Shelby once more, when she got a nod in confirmation she walked through the doorframe and pulled Shelby in after.

Lxx.

Upon entry Martha immediately noticed them, “There you guys are, where have you been?” She approached them and pulled Toni into a hug with Toni immediately returned.

“I can take a guess,” Regan said from behind Martha.

Toni pulled back to see Regan smiling smugly, she had one eyebrow raised and was looking between Shelby and Toni with humor. Toni cringed. Her hair was still a mess, as was Shelby’s although less so. Shelby’s lips were bright red and slightly swollen, Toni’s were probably pretty similar. It was obvious to anyone who cared to look shy they had been late.

“Be quiet,” Toni mumbled, she reached back and reconnected her hand with Shelby’s. She used the contact to pull her forward, so they stood side by side.

Regan laughed at her response and closed the rest of the distance between them, hugging Toni as Martha had. When Toni pulled back, she saw Martha had pulled Shelby into a hug, which was unsurprising.

The four girls walked to the large L-shaped couch that sat facing the TV. Toni flopped down on the couch, and Shelby sat down more quietly next to her. Regan sat on the other section and Martha on the floor as she preferred. Shelby remained quiet during the process.

“So, Toni, now you’re officially captain of the best team in the state, don’t let that go to your head or anything” Regan said once they were all settled.

“Oh, I would never,” Toni responded with a wide smile. She was slouched on the couch; her legs stretch out in front of her and her head leaned all the way back.

“Yeah sure,” Shelby said from beside her. Toni turned her head and so Shelby looking directly at her, she met the look with a smile, “Your ego will somehow grow even more from this.”

“What? Me? Ego?” Toni said in faux confusion, she brought one hand over her heart in fake offense, “I can’t believe you would say such a thing!”

Shelby rolled her eye’s at Toni’s theatrics, and Toni smiled at the sight. Shelby sat stiffly, but Toni hoped as the conversation went on, she would relax more. She had told her friends not to draw attention to them as a couple, and she trusted them to follow through, she would even let Regan’s joke at the beginning go if it all went well.

Martha picked up the conversation form there, carrying it easily. She included Shelby enough that she was involved, but not so much so it seemed the pressure was on her. Sometimes Toni forgot how amazing her friends were, she really needed to give them more credit.

As the conversation progressed and the minutes passed Shelby began to relax. By the time thirty minutes had passed and they were somehow talking about Martha’s pet, all seven of them, Shelby had fully relaxed. She had her legs tucked under her, and she was leaning back into the cushions. Toni stretched her arm out, so it rested on the cushion behind Shelby, causing Shelby to look at her in amusement.

“Subtle,” She teased, and Toni just smiled widely at her.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Toni defended.

Shelby rolled her eyes and leaned into Toni, resting her head on her shoulder. Toni let her arm drop so it rested around Shelby’s shoulders and held her close. Toni’s free hand then tangled with Shelby’s and her other hand absent mindedly played with the ends of Shelby’s hair.

Toni sighed with content and let her eyes fall shut as she breathed in Shelby’s shampoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, ok so honestly this chapter could have been about 2000 words longer, but I knew if I did all that I wouldn't finish tonight and there for wouldn't be able to post until tomorrow night. But this was still a long chapter so it's fine. I actually really enjoyed writing this one, I had a little trouble in the beginning, but once I got into it I felt like it flowed pretty well so let me know what you think.
> 
> Remember next chapter is 15, which means it'll be Shelby's so get excited. It's going to pick up right where I left off so anything I didn't get to in this chapter will be in the next but by Sehlby's POV.
> 
> One more thing, let me know what y'all think about the makeout/kissing scenes. I know when I'm reading I want those to be good and not cringy (I think I spelled that wrong, but autocorrect isn't helping so oh well) so I'm trying to do them well. Is it working?
> 
> Lastly, what other tags should I add to this. I'd like to tag it as accurately as I can but I'm not sure. fluff? angst? I'm having trouble because it could be more fluffy so I feel bad tagging that, but it could also be a lot more angsty so maybe not that either. or I'm probably over thinking it and I should tag both. Sorry I'm apparently in a rambling mood tonight
> 
> Ok, as always, I live on comments, I'll definitely need them as I go back to in person school tomorrow and I hate 90% of the people at my school.


	15. Lxxi-Lxxv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive and I'm very sorry this took so long. here's 8k to make up for it

Lxxi.

Shelby hadn’t expected to like Toni’s friends so much. She’d expected to get along with them and manage unawkward conversation, hoped that the night would go smoothly enough that Toni wouldn’t dump her. So far it was exceeding her expectations.

Toni was passed out; she had fallen asleep just a few minutes after Shelby had curled into her side. Shelby hadn’t noticed she was asleep until she mumbled incoherently causing the conversation to pause and all the girls to laugh. Martha had briefly joked about how Toni’s periodic sleep talking would keep her awake, but then they had returned to the conversation. Shelby had been awkward at first, Toni was asleep, her one buffer between the people she barely knew but that knew everything she tried to hide, but Martha had soon drawn her back in when she began talking about how she wished she could volunteer at rescue shelters.

Now, over an hour later, Shelby was still curled into Toni’s side and talking easily with Martha and Regan.

“I mean I always wanted to know how to play an instrument, I think it’s so impressive when someone can,” Shelby said genuinely excited about the thought.

“Oh, I agree, supper cool when someone can play an instrument, but only certain instruments. Let’s say someone was unfortunate enough to excel at saxophone, now that’s unfortunate,” Regan laughed at herself.

The conversation had started when Regan mentioned being in the school band in passing, leading to Shelby questioning it.

“Come on, saxophone is cool,” Shelby denied, she searched for something else to say so her statement didn’t seem lackluster, eventually settling on, “I mean jazz music.”

There was a pause, then Martha and Regan busted out laughing. Shelby grimaced and felt her face heat up. In hindsight that had sounded pretty dumb.

“Jazz really?” Regan said through her laughter.

“I mean, you know me, I love all music,” Martha began.

“Except heavy rock,” Regan chimed in.

“Well yeah, not heavy rock, too loud and angry. But as I was saying, I love basically all music, and even I wouldn’t choose jazz to listen too.”

Shelby shrugged and laughed at herself, she was amazed that Toni remained asleep through all the noise and movement.

“I didn’t say I’d choose jazz to listen too. I was just trying to defend Regan’s saxophone.”

“So, you defend it with a type of music you don’t even listen too?” Regan questioned, a teasing smile on her face.

“Ok fair point. Look, all I’m saying is it’s cool that you can play any instrument, I’ve tried learning but never could.” Shelby responded. Beside her Toni shifted slightly so her arm around Shelby’s tightened causing Shelby to smile.

Shelby’s legs were still pulled under her, and she still leaned heavily towards Toni. Toni’s head was resting on the back of the couch but as she continued to shift in her sleep, she had moved so her head now rested half on Shelby’s shoulder and half on the cushion. The arm that had previously encircled Shelby’s shoulders had fallen when Shelby had moved earlier, so it was now trapped between the cushions and Shelby’s back, the hand absently resting at Shelby’s waist. Her other hand remained tangled with Shelby’s in Shelby’s lap.

“Ok, well even if you can’t play an instrument, you must be able to do something artistic, isn’t that like a requirement for beauty pageants or something?” Regan asked.

Shelby hummed the affirmative, “I always sing as my talent. I’m not great but enough to get by.”

“Please, you’re probably amazing,” Martha said with a wide smile, “You just look like you would be great at singing.”

Shelby laughed lightly, touched by her kindness, “Well I appreciate you saying such, may not be true, but still appreciated. I also act some, nothing big, just take a few classes through my church.”

“Yeah? Do you ever do the plays at school? I’ve seen a few and don’t think I remember you being in them,” Marth asked. She was laying on her stomach on the carpet, a pillow under her chin with her hands propping her head up so she could look at Shelby and Regan.

“No, I can’t do the plays at school. Daddy won’t let me,” Shelby said, hoping to leave it at that, but by the confused looks on Martha’s and Regan’s faces that wouldn’t happen.

“Won’t let you? What do you mean? Does it take too much time or something?” Regan asked.

Shelby briefly considered saying that was the reason and moving on, but she couldn’t bring herself to accept the lie.

“No, not quite,” Shelby said slowly, Regan gave her a look to prompt her on and she continued, “He just doesn’t think those are the type of people I should hang out with. Too, um, misguided he says, misguided and opened-minded were his exact words.”

Regan and Martha looked at her with sympathy on their faces, it was clear neither knew exactly what to say.

“It’s fine, really. He just doesn’t want me to go down the wrong path,” After Shelby says it, she sees Regan’s and Martha’s eyes flicker to Toni asleep beside her. Shelby turned and looks at the sleeping girl, she lets out a small laugh, “That worked out well for him as you can see.”

Both the other girls laughed, and Shelby smiled, happy she had managed to avoid an awkward conversation about her upbring.

Once they quieted down Shelby asked, “What about you Martha? Any hidden artistic talents?”

“Well I used to dance, but I haven’t for a couple years. Probably no good anymore,” Martha responded with a good nature shrug, but when Shelby glanced at Regan, she looked slightly uncomfortable like there was something else going on.

Shelby ignored that inkling and responded, “Nah, I bet you’d be great. I feel like dancing is one of those things that once you know how to do it you will forever be better than everyone else.”

Martha smiled at the compliment. She then changed the subject to the bands next competition with a question for Regan. Shelby followed the conversation until Toni shifted beside her. Her grip on Shelby’s waist tightened and her head fell further down, resting firmly on Shelby’s shoulder.

Shelby bit her lip as she looked down at the brunette. Her face was completely relaxed, something Shelby had never seen before. While Toni’s hair was still pulled back multiple stands had gotten loose causing them to settle on her face.

Shelby brought one hand up and brushed the hair away, at the contacted Toni hummed and her hands flexed. Shelby watched as she slowly blinked open her eyes. Their eye’s connected and Shelby marveled at the warm brown she was met with.

A soft smile came over Toni’s face, causing Shelby to smile widely.

“Tired?” Shelby teased quietly.

“Mhmm,” Toni hummed, she then turned her head, so it was tucked into Shelby’s neck. The hand that she had brought up to brush Toni’s hair settled one the back on Toni’s neck and stroked the baby hair there.

The arm around Shelby’s back tightened, and Shelby smiled at how cuddly Toni was when tired.

Shelby felt Toni’s head shift and looked to see her not looking down at their intertwined hands. Shelby fiddled with Toni’s fingers, but the Toni shifted away, causing a space to open between them.

Shelby’s hand tightened and she opened her mouth to ask Toni why she had moved, but before she could Toni untangled their hands and dropped Shelby’s. She then slid her newly freed hand and slid in under Shelby’s legs. Using her grip on Shelby’s waist on legs Toni dragged Shelby into her lap, burying her face in Shelby’s neck as she did so.

Shelby laughed at the sudden movement, she felt Toni’s wide smile against the skin of her neck. One of Shelby’s hands remained tangled in Toni’s hair at her neck, and the other gripped Toni’s upper arm, having moved there when Toni moved her.

Toni’s hand on Shelby’s waist remained, still holding her tightly, but the one under her legs had moved so they now rested on Shelby’s calves. Both of Shelby’s legs were on the cushion beside Toni, curled so she mostly faced Toni and together they both occupied the space for one person.

“Looks like someone finally woke up,” Regan said from the other section of the couch.

Shelby turned her head; she had forgotten about Regan and Martha momentarily. Shelby felt Toni’s face pull back and she tuned back to face Toni, smiling at the still tired look on her face.

“What can I say? Its tiring being the state champion,” Toni said, a shit-eating smile on her face.

Behind her, Shelby hear Martha and Regan groan dramatically, complaining about how Toni would never let it go.

“You’re too smug for your own good,” Shelby said quietly. She brought her hand on Toni’s arm up to poke at Toni’s small dimple, amused at isn’t appearance.

“Oh please, you like it,” Toni responded and wiggled her eyebrows. Shelby rolled her eyes at the words.

Toni hand left Shelby’s leg and instead batted Shelby’s hand away that still rested on her dimple. Shelby began frowning at the motion, but Toni then rested her hand on Shelby’s cheek and leaned up to kiss her.

Shelby smiled into the kiss. One hand scratched the back of Toni’s head lightly while the other rested on her chest, just covering her collar bone. Toni pulled Shelby closer with the hand on her waist and Shelby sighed into the kiss in response.

Just as Shelby’s hand in Toni’s hair tightened a mass hit her in the side of her head causing her to jerk back. Once she pulled back, she heard Martha laughing in the background.

Shelby’s face heated up at the reminder that Martha and Regan were still sitting just a few feet away. Shelby didn’t want to turn around in her embarrassment, instead she looked down a Toni. Toni was scowling to the side, where Regan was most likely still sitting.

“That was unnecessary,” Toni pouted.

“I warned you about PDA, it’s your own fault,” Shelby could imagine the shrug Regan would give as she said it.

“That’s a lie. You never mentioned PDA to me, when was this?” Toni question, her face holding slight confusion.

“A few seconds ago, right after you two started making out,” Regan relied sounding proud of herself. Shelby heard Martha laugh.

Shelby finally moved. She slid back so she was sitting on the couch, but her legs were still laying across Toni laps.

“That doesn’t count, it was too late. Plus, I didn’t hear you,” Toni argued, her hands fell on Shelby’s legs and Shelby relaxed into her as she began drawing random shapes.

“Why didn’t you hear? Were you distracted by something?” Regan teased. Shelby smiled as she watched the interaction between the friends.

“Shut up,” Toni mumbled.

Toni then turned to Shelby and pecked her on the lips, shooting Regan a smug smile after. Shelby smiled at her antics. She lifted one of Toni’s arms to wrap in around her shoulder so she could huddle into Toni’s side. Toni’s warmth and smell surrounded her.

“Awww, you two are really cute,” Martha cooed from the floor where she had been watching the exchange.

Shelby blushed at the compliment and rested her head on Toni’s chest to cover some of the blush.

“Yeah,” Regan agreed, “Not sure how Toni managed that.”

“You so mean to me,” Toni said with a sigh, but Shelby could hear a smile in her voice.

“Aww, you know I’m just teasing you Toni,” Regan responded. Shelby felt Toni take a breath to respond, but before she did Regan continued, “But really, how did you do it? I mean the first time we are introduced you fall asleep for an hour.”

Toni laughed, “Oh please, I was not asleep for an hour.”

“You’re right,” Regan began.

“It was really closer to two,” Martha finished with a laugh.

Shelby laughed along with them until she felt Toni tense beside.

“Shit, it was really that long?” Toni asked, her grip around Shelby’s shoulder tightened and Shelby leaned back slightly to look at her in confusion.

“Yeah, it’s a little past eleven now,” Martha responded after she noticed Toni’s stressed attitude.

“Fuck, wow,” Toni turned to look at Shelby, “When’s your curfew tonight? I know you mentioned twelve in the past but if your parents don’t know who you’re with,” Toni trailed off and Shelby’s heart stuttered at the genuine concern painting her face.

“No, I’m good. Um, my parents actually think I’m sleeping over at Becca’s tonight,” Shelby paused awkwardly, and Toni blinked at the new information, “Sorry, umm, I thought I mentioned that earlier.”

“No, you probably did, I’ve been told I’m not the best at paying attention,” Toni reassured her, but Shelby didn’t buy it. Now that she thought about it, she didn’t remember mentioning that plan to Toni.

“Still, sorry, so is it ok if I, umm,” Shelby trailed off, knowing what she wanted to say but not knowing how.

Luckily Toni seemed to understand, “Yeah no, you can stay with me tonight. No problem,” Toni gave Shelby a wide smile once she finished talking.

“You sure? Sorry, I really meant to mention it,” Shelby felt guilty, for all she knew Toni had been planning on spending the night at Regan’s.

“Seriously Shelby, you’re good,” Toni smiled again, but she must have seen the hesitance on Shelby’s face because she continued, “I promise.” She punctuated her statement with a short kiss.

Once she pulled back Shelby nodded her agreement and settled back against Toni’s chest, now met with the realization that she would in fact be spending the night with Toni. Regan and Martha were talking among themselves Shelby noticed once she tuned back into her surroundings.

The girls fell into light conversation, this time without Toni instantly falling asleep. It wasn’t until about an hour later that they decided to call it a night. Shelby had begun falling asleep, too comfortable in her position against Toni to stay awake. After she had shook her head for the fourth time to wake herself up Toni kissed the top of her head then let Martha and Regan know they would be leaving.

After sleepy goodnights, Martha and Regan expression their enjoyment of meeting Shelby officially Toni lead Shelby out to the car.

“Are you good to drive or do you want me too?” Toni asked once at the car.

“I’ll drive, I just had to stand up and walk a bit to wake myself up, plus it shouldn’t be that long of a drive at this time,” Shelby responded.

Both girls entered the car, when Shelby started it the radio immediately began blasting causing both girls to flinch and then laugh at Toni flailed to turn it down. Once it was down to a murmur Toni smiled guiltily at Shelby.

“Whoops, I guess I left it on kinda loud.”

Shelby bit her lip as she looked at Toni. She was amazed that this was her life now. Laughing in her car over a loud radio with the girl she had liked for over a year. Shelby leaned over and kissed Toni shortly then began the drive to Toni’s house.

Between giving Shelby directions Toni pressed her for how she felt about the night. Shelby answered with raving remarks, talking about how sweet and kind Martha was and how funny Regan could be even if you had to look to see it. When they arrived at Toni’s house it was as dark and desolate as always.

“Are your foster parents ever home?” Shelby asked as she parked her car in the empty driveway.

“Nope, they come back for like two days every other week or so, leave some money for groceries and then leave, it’s pretty nice,” Toni says. Both of them got out of the car, Toni grabbed her bag from the back as she did so.

“And you haven’t told anyone? Isn’t that like abandonment?” Shelby ask concerned. She tried to imagine what Toni had described but couldn’t, her parents were always there, even when she really wished they weren’t.

“Probably, but this is much better than a lot of my other homes, so I have no complaints,” Shelby watched Toni unlock the front door. Shelby had never given a lot of thought to Shelby growing up in the system, they had talked about it in passing, but never deeply.

“What were,” Shelby paused as she contemplated if she should ask or if it was too personal, but then she pushed forward, “What were your other ones like?”

After relocking the door Toni grabbed her hand and lead her through the house, presumably to her room. Along the way Toni smiled at her, but Shelby could see the sadness in her eyes even in the dimly lit house.

“Let’s just say there’s a reason I know how to fight,” Toni said it like a joke, but Shelby tightened her grip on her hand regardless.

Toni pushed open the door to her room and flicked the lights on. Shelby was momentarily distracted from the conversation to look around.

“Sorry it’s a little messy, I didn’t know you were coming over,” Toni apologized. She dropped Shelby hand and began cleaning her room quickly, throwing close in a corner and tossing a few pieces of trash into a trash can.

“Toni, you’re fine. It’s my fault I forgot to ask,” Shelby reassured her. She then walked across the small room to sit on the bed. It was smaller than hers but that was expected considering the size of the room.

“Well regardless, I’m glad you’re here,” Toni stood up once she’d cleaned her room to her satisfaction.

She took the few steps toward Shelby and bent down to kiss her. Shelby smiled into the kiss and raised one hand to rest it lightly on Toni’s cheek. After a few seconds Toni pulled back and rested her forehead against Shelby’s. Shelby kept her eyes closed and felt Toni breath brush over her face.

“I need to take a shower,” Toni said quietly into the space between them.

Shelby let out a huff of air in laughter and finally opened her eyes.

“Yeah you do,” Shelby teased, “I’m not sleeping with you if you don’t.”

Toni’s eye’s widened and Shelby instantly blushed bright red as she realized the connotation behind her words.

“I didn’t mean- I mean, not like- I’m not,” Shelby sputtered out trying to redeem the situation.

Shelby’s words were cut off when Toni kissed her again, when she pulled back Shelby remained quiet, her face still burning.

“I know what you mean Shelby, I’m not expecting,” Toni paused, and Shelby’s face burned impossible red, Toni even had a blush creeping up her neck, “Anything,” She awkwardly finished.

Shelby didn’t respond, just continued to sit in her embarrassment, Toni pecked her cheek before standing up. Shelby watched her dig through a few draws in her dresser. After a few seconds Toni turned back to Shelby with a bundle of clothes in her hand.

“So, I’m going to go take that shower, you can change into any of my clothes to sleep in.”

Shelby nodded her understanding and after standing still for a moment Toni turned and left, leaving Shelby sitting alone in her room. Shelby flopped back onto the bed and let out a deep sigh.

After pushing the embarrassment of the conversation out of her mind she propped herself up on her elbows and surveyed the room. It was mostly barren with little insight to the girl who lived in it. Most of the surfaces were covered in random books for school or clothes, the only area that seemed to hold anything personal was the bedside table.

Shelby looked at the pictures there. One of Toni and Martha that looked like it had been taken in the past few years, both girls smiling widely, Martha on Toni’s back. The picture beside it showed a much younger Toni, about kindergarten age, she sat on the lap of a young woman that current Toni bore a striking resemblance to. Shelby presumed the woman to be Toni’s absent mother. Shelby looked at the picture of a moment, trying to connect the smiling child to the current Toni Shelby knew. She saw the connection, but she also saw the blatant differences, but Shelby supposed she was just as different from her kindergarten self. The last picture was one from the year before, the basketball team, with Toni in the middle holding the state championship trophy, although she hadn’t been captain, she had been the MVP even as a sophomore.

Shelby absently wondered if her picture could ever be there, surrounded by moments that obviously meant a lot to Toni. Eventually she drew her gaze away from the pictures and to the dresser Toni had gotten her clothes from.

Shelby stood up and walked towards it, she began digging through the messy draws looking for nothing in particular. Towards the bottom of one draw she found a long sleeve navy shirt with 2020 STATE CHAMPIONS printed on it with a basketball below. Shelby quickly changed out of her sweater and bra and into the oversized shirt. It covered her hands and she smiled at the mental image of Toni wearing the large shirt. Shelby, they began looking for shorts, eventually finding a simple pair of black athletic shorts she changed into.

After she was fully changed Shelby settled back onto the bed. She propped a pillow up against the wall and half laid half sat against it. Leaning her head back Shelby relaxed into the bed, letting herself be fully encompassed by Toni’s smell.

A few minutes later Shelby heard Toni enter the room and she sat up with a start, not realizing how close to sleep she had been.

Toni stood at the side of the bed. Her hair was damp and hung longer than usual as the water pulled the curls down. She was wearing a cotton t-shirt and basketball shorts. Shelby smiled up at her and scootched over, so she was only taking up half the bed.

“I thought you were asleep for a second there,” Toni said quietly. Instead of joining Shelby on the bed she walked back to the door, she closed it and flicked the lights sending them into darkness.

“Almost, if you had taken any longer and I probably would have been,” Shelby responded as she waited for her eye to adjust. She heard Toni walk back to the bed and felt the bed dip as she climbed on. Shelby was overwhelmed with the scent of Toni’s freshly washed hair.

“Sorry, I take long showers, what can I say.” Toni pulled the covers loose to slide under and Shelby followed her lead.

Both girls had their own pillow and were laying side by side. Shelby’ eyes had adjusted slightly to the darkness so she could make out the shape of Toni beside her. Both girls were on their backs, Shelby head was sideways on her pillow, so she was looking at Toni’s profile. Toni then turned her head, so they were looking at each other, Shelby watched as a smile stretched across Toni’s face.

“Shelby,” Toni said quietly, not breaking the stillness of the room. Shelby nodded her head slightly so show she was listening. “I really like you,” Toni said it like a confession she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone.

Shelby rolled her lips into her mouth to attempt to contain her smile, but it was useless. Soon her face was overtaken by her smile and her cheeks hurt from smiling to widely.

Shelby leaned towards Toni and kissed her, smiling all the while. When she pulled back, she rested her forehead against Toni’s briefly reveling in her company.

“I really like you too,” She whispered back. Shelby gave her another kiss, “Like so much.”

Shelby scooted over so she was against Toni’s side, she then threw one leg over Toni’s and buried her head into Toni’s neck. Once hand rested on Toni’s stomach while the other fiddled with the fabric of Toni’s top. One of Toni’s hands fell to Shelby’s knee to hold her in place and the other began playing with Shelby’s hair.

Shelby hummed at the feeling and nuzzled further into Toni. Sleep overtook her almost immediately.

Lxxii.

Shelby didn’t open her eyes when she woke up.

She was warm and comfortable and felt safer than she ever had before. Toni’s hair was soft against her cheek while her hands were rough against Shelby’s skin. The hand that had been on Shelby’s knee now rested on her thigh; finger splayed out. Toni’s other hand rested on Shelby’s waist, beneath her shirt that had risen. Shelby’s hand had also found its way beneath clothing, resting lightly on Toni’s abs.

Shelby laid still for multiple minutes, breathing in deeply and settling into the feeling of being so close to someone she liked to much. Eventually her fingers began to absently draw patterns on Toni’s stomach, Shelby didn’t even realize what she was doing until she felt Toni tense beneath her. At the feeling Shelby lifted her head from its place at Toni’s neck, she looked down at Toni who was blinking sleep from her eyes.

“Good morning,” Toni mumbled, her voice husky with sleep. Her fingers began tracing patters on Shelby’s skin causing goosebumps to appear.

“Good morning,” Shelby responded.

She bent down and lightly kissed Toni, but when she tried to deepen the kiss Toni pulled back.

“Morning breath,” She complained.

Shelby rolled her eyes and began kissing along her jaw line, working toward her ear in short pecks. She then moved to Toni’s neck; Toni tilted her head back giving Shelby full access.

Shelby used her hands to push herself up, she then shifted to she was laying on Toni, their legs tangled completely together, and stomachs pressed together. Shelby propped herself up on her elbows to look down at Toni, both of Toni’s hands were on her waist, holding her close with a tight grip.

Shelby tried to kiss Toni again, but Toni dodged it.

“Let me brush my teeth,” She said with a low laugh.

Shelby let out a huff of frustration. She let her arms give out and fell fully on top of Toni. Toni laughed at the sudden weight and her arms encircled Shelby, slipping under her shirt so Toni’s forearms were pressed against Shelby’s back.

The two laid like that for a few minutes, Shelby was half asleep when Toni moved. She flipped then so Shelby was now on her back and Toni hovered above her. Shelby laughed at the sudden change of position and brought her hands up to brush hair out of Toni’s face.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth,” Toni said with a smile.

Shelby pouted at her, “No, don’t leave.”

“Well, would you rather I stay here, and we can cuddle, or would you rather me go brush my teeth so we can make out and cuddle?” Toni asked with a smug smile. She still hovered over Shelby and Shelby had to restrain herself from closing the distance between them.

“You really know how to ask the hard questions,” Shelby responded. She used the hands that were framing Toni’s face to move to her chest and push Toni off her, “Go brush your teeth if you’re going to be so annoying about it.”

Toni laughed. She gave Shelby one small kiss before leaving the room.

Shelby sat up on the bed and looked around, her bed was on the bed side table and she reached for it. The time read 9:36 which as earlier than she had expected. She then opened messages to see no missed text, then she went to snapchat and immediately paused at the image looking back at her.

She had forgotten to wash her face last night so left-over makeup made her face look blotchy and uneven. Mascara had flacked off and had her under eyes look exceptionally dark, plus her hair was chaos. It was a static mess than was tangled from Toni’s hands.

“Shit,” Shelby mumbled, of course Toni wanted an excuse not to kiss her, she looked like a wreak.

Shelby licked her fingers and tried to scrub the mascara off, but it didn’t seem to make a difference. She then finger combed her hair, but all she succeeded in was making it more staticky. She gave up with a sigh and flopped back onto the bed.

Perfect, she didn’t have her makeup so once she washed her face it would be completely bare. Plus, her hair was beginning to curl, the work of her straightener the prior day wearing off.

Trying to prevent herself from moping even more Shelby pushed herself up and exited Toni’s room. The house looked different in the light, just as deserted, but less eerie. There were family pictures of people Shelby had never seen hanging on the walls and she suddenly felt like she was trespassing.

Shelby heard running water coming from a room closer to the center of the house. She followed it to find Toni washing her face in a medium size bathroom with the door open. Toni saw her immediately and smiled through the soap on her face. She then splashed water on her face and patted it dry with a nearby hand towel before turning toward Shelby with a wide smile.

“Hi,” Toni was fresh-faced and look completely put together, no different than she did every other time Shelby was with her. Shelby was reminded of the fact that Toni just looked like this, no makeup, no additional hair work, just natural beauty.

Shelby tried to return the smile, but she felt it fall short. Toni immediately notice and walked towards her.

“Hey, is everything ok?” She asked as she tucked hair behind Shelby’s ears. Shelby cringed at the action as she hated how it looked when all her hair was behind her ears.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” She tried to lie, but judging from the doubt full look on Toni’s face it didn’t work.

“Shelby talk to me, what’s wrong?” Toni pressed. Her hands left Shelby’s face and instead dropped to tangle with Shelby hands.

“Nothing’s wrong, really,” Shelby said again, at Toni’s disappointed face she continued, “I just need to take a shower, I look like a wreak,” Shelby untangled one of her hands from Toni’s and gestured pointlessly to her face.

Toni’s eyes darted around her face, just to settle back on her eyes.

“I don’t have the slightest clue what you’re talking about, you look gorgeous as always,” Shelby opened her mouth to argue, but Toni must have seen it because she continued, “But of course you can take a shower. Let me grab you a towel.”

Shelby gave a small nod and Toni slipped past her and exited the bathroom. Shelby looked in the mirror and saw the exact thing she’d seen in her phone. She sighed and shifted on her feet waiting for Toni to return, within a few seconds she did.

“Ok, here’s that towel, let me know if you need any help with anything, but I have complete faith you can figure out the shower.”

Shelby smiled her thanks. Toni looked at her concerned.

“You sure you’re ok? Did I do something wrong?” Shelby watched Toni wring her hands and was hit with a wave a guilt.

“No, you’re great, I promise it has nothing to do with you. I really just look like a zombie and need a shower.”

Toni eyes flickered over her face and instead of responding moved closer, so they were kissing.

Toni tasted like mint and her hands were in Shelby’s hair. Shelby sighed into the kiss and brought her hands up to grip Ton’s upper arms. Toni’s tongue dipped into Shelby mouth and she eagerly met it with hers.

The two kissed for a few more seconds before Toni pulled back and rested her forehead against Shelby’s. Shelby opened her eyes and let her gaze flicker across Toni’s face, eventually settling on her eyes.

“Sometimes you really confuse me,” Toni breathed out with a smile, “Go ahead and take a shower if you want, you’ll look gorgeous no matter what. I’m going to see what I can do for breakfast. Sound good?”

Shelby nodded against Toni’s head, “Sounds great,” She breathed out.

“Ok, perfect,” Toni took a step back and Shelby immediately missed the close contact. “See you in a little bit,” Toni said with a cute smile, then she stepped out of the room and closed the door.

Lxxiii.

Shelby took a longer shower than usual, washing her face thoroughly an using an excessive amount of shampoo. By the time she got out she smelled just like Toni, same body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. After scourging through every cabinet Shelby finally found a hair drier and began the process of drying her hair. She knew she wouldn’t be finding a straightener so settle for blow drying it as straight as possible, although it was still wavey when she was done.

Shelby exited the bathroom, wearing the clothes she had slept in and walked to the kitchen. There Toni was messing with something at the stove with a bowl of batter near her and a plate full of misshaped pancake.

“Hi,” Shelby greeted to alert Toni of her presence.

“Hey!” Toni responded excitedly with a glance at her. She then immediately looked again, and Shelby laughed at the surprised look in her face. “I always knew your hair wasn’t naturally that straight.”

Shelby self-consciously fiddled with the ends of her hair, flipping it behind her back before she finally responded, “Yeah, I always straighten it, but I couldn’t fine one in your bathroom.”

“Well I really like it,” Toni said as she transferred the pancakes on the stove to the plate. She then turned off the stove and turned to face Shelby completely. “I hope you like pancakes. I know they look a little rough, but I promise they’re good.”

Shelby moved closer to Toni. She was constantly surprised by how different this Toni was then the one she had known just a few months prior, Shelby wondered what she had done for Toni to show this side of her.

“I’m sure they’re great,” Shelby replied. She now stood directly in front of Toni. One of Toni’s hands reached up and twirled a few strands of Shelby’s hair around her finger.

Toni tilted forward and lightly kissed Shelby. Shelby kept her hands at her sides, content to just return the kiss.

“I can’t believe I’ve never seen you like this,” Toni said quietly when she pulled back. Shelby knew what she meant. Shelby always had a face of makeup on, her hair straightened, her clothes tediously picked out. Shelby couldn’t remember the last person to see her so exposed. “You’re stunning.”

Shelby smiled at the compliment. She didn’t know how Toni did it, but whenever she was feeling anxious or insecure Toni could calm her with a few well-placed words. Shelby had never met anyone else to understood her to that extent.

“And I smell like you,” Shelby teased.

“Oh really?” Toni said in mock amazement, “Let’s see.”

Toni wrapped her hands around Shelby’s waist and Shelby was pulled froward. Toni nuzzled at Shelby neck causing her to laugh, but the laughter was quickly cut off as Toni began kissing the skin. Sucking lightly then following it with a light nip.

Shelby slid a hand into Toni’s hair, pulling her head back so she could kiss her on the lips. Shelby sucked on Toni’s lower lip and used her empty hand to grip Toni’s shirt holding her close.

Toni’s hands slid under Shelby shirt and gripped her bare waist, she then used the grip to spin them around, so Shelby was against the counter. Shelby smiled into the kiss and hopped onto the counter with help of Toni’s hands.

From there Shelby pulled Toni between her legs and buried both hands in her hair. Toni’s hands alternated between dipping under Shelby’s top or skimming across the skin on her thighs. Shelby groaned into the kiss every time Toni’s hands drifted high on her thighs.

A few minutes later they pulled apart. Shelby legs had encircled Toni’s waist holding her close while Toni’s hands had rested on the outside of Shelby upper thighs. Shelby drew in a strangled breath when Toni leaned back.

The two girls breathed heavily and stared at each other.

“We should probably eat the pancakes before they get any colder,” Toni said, her voice even rougher than it had been when she woke up causing more heat to flood Shelby’s body.

“You’re right,” Shelby agreed, then pulled Toni in for another kiss than ended quickly, “But I hate it.”

Toni smiled at her, then slide her hands from where they rested on Shelby’s thighs to her waist, causing Shelby’s breath to hitch as they passed over her hips. Once on her waist, Toni’s grip tightened, and Shelby let her leg drop from their position on Toni so Toni could help her off the counter.

They ate breakfast at the table, playing footies under the table as they laughed together.

Lxxiv.

Shelby walked through her front door. She hoped she could retreat to her room and spend the rest of the afternoon texting Toni, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“I’m home,” Shelby called as she walked toward the kitchen where she guessed at least one of her parents would be. She was correct as once she entered her mom was chopping peppers and her dad was standing nearby gulping down water while dressed in his workout wear.

“Shelby baby, what have we said about yelling in the house?” Her dad reprimanded once he lowered his water bottle. Shelby briefly fantasized about arguing that she hadn’t yelled, but she quickly pushed it aside.

“Sorry daddy, I was just wondering where y’all were,” Shelby apologized and gave the smile that she had perfected.

“What a coincidence, I was beginning to wonder the same about you,” He said it in passing, but Shelby instantly tensed at his words.

“I was with Becca,” Shelby responded, she sat down on a stool at the kitchen island realizing she wasn’t going to be leaving soon, “I texted you that I would be home later than expected.”

Shelby watched her mom finally finish cutting the peppers, instead off adding to the conversation she just scaped them into a bowl and grabbed an onion to prepare.

“You did, I just didn’t expect this late,” Shelby glanced at the clock on the oven, 4:06, not late, but later than she ever stayed out after a sleepover, “But that’s beside the point, we need to go over a few things. The first being, what happened to your hair.”

Shelby immediately reached up to fix her hair. It was down in its natural beach curls, but Shelby realized her parents hadn’t seen it like so in a long time, truthfully Shelby hadn’t seen it like so in a long time. It was messier than Shelby would have preferred from Toni’s hands, but she figured it was ok as no one really knew what her natural hair looked like.

“Oh, I just didn’t straighten it,” Shelby left it at that. She had almost said that she hadn’t had a straightener but caught herself, she had used Becca’s straightener on numerous occasions before.

“Hmm, well I like you with straight hair,” Shelby’s dad said, looking at Shelby’s hair critically, “It looks more… refined.”

Shelby thought to when Toni had seen her hair that morning, how she had raved about how pretty it was. How throughout the day Toni’s hands would go to her hair every time they kissed, instead of her waist like usual.

“Right, of course,” Shelby agreed with her dad none the less, “It was just, um,” Shelby flailed for something to say, knowing if she said she just hadn’t felt like straightening her hair it would lead to more questions, “It was just a dumb dare, nothing serious.”

“Hmm,” Dave Goodkind hummed as she continued to examine Shelby. Shelby watched her mom prepare the vegetables to avoid his gaze.

“Was there anything else daddy? Or can I go change?” Shelby gestured to the clothes she was wearing. It was the same outfit she had worn the night before; Toni had washed her clothes while the two had longed around during the day.

“No, there’s a few more things,” Her dad’s words stopped Shelby’s movement of sliding off the couch, “As you know the annual nonprofit spring pageant is approaching, I was thinking you could show us the dresses you have found and we could order the best.”

The pageant he was talking about wasn’t for another month in a half, it took place the last weekend of April, but luckily Shelby had already picked out a few dresses.

“Of course, I saved them somewhere one my phone,” Shelby replied, she pulled out her phone and unlocked it, “I’ll find them real quick, I believe I found three I really like.”

This was how the process had been for the past few years. For each pageant Shelby would find three or four dresses she liked, then her dad would pick his favorite of those and that was what she wore. For more important pageants sometimes they would order multiple to make sure the best option was chosen.

Shelby opened the safari app and found the bookmarked pages immediately; she passed the phone to her dad for his consensus.

After tapping on screen a few times, he spoke, “These sites aren’t loading, do you have them saved somewhere else.”

“Umm, I think I took screenshots,” Shelby remembered as she’d sent the dresses to Becca for her opinion, “I’m sure he website’s not working because of my phone, we can still order them off my computer.”

The last word of Shelby’s trailed off as she saw confusion overtake her father face. Confusion that soon turned into anger. Shelby’s stomach filled with fear as she remembered key moments of the day.

Toni making fun of Shelby’s excessive streaks on snapchat and asking if Shelby even knew how to use the regular camera anymore. Her stealing the phone out of Shelby’s hands and opening said camera app to immediately begin taking a surplus of selfies, many of which showed Shelby climbing over her to reach the phone.

Toni setting up the phone to take timer camera photos, claiming it was much better like than then snapchat because they would have more time. Multiple timer cam pictures of Shelby on Toni’s back, a couple where Shelby had placed kisses on her cheek.

Shelby realized her mistake to late, if she tried to take her phone from her dad it would just make it worse. He had already seen all the pictures, and Shelby just sat frozen in fear.

Shelby’s mom continued to chop away, now on carrots, but the rest of the kitchen was dead silent. Dave Goodkind was staring down at Shelby’s phone, his jaw becoming more clench the longer her swiped. Shelby stared at him in fear, her face was void of any color and her hands shook even as she clenched them together.

“Daddy, I swear it’s not-” Shelby tried to begin, she didn’t know what she was going to say, but anything was better than the painful silence.

“Be quite!” Her dad snapped. He slammed the phone face down on the kitchen island causing Shelby to flinch and turn her gaze to the floor.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Shelby’s mom asked, confused at the sudden anger and tension that filled the room.

Shelby didn’t respond, she knew the question was directed towards her dad. Shelby kept her gaze locked down. She began counting the tiles that lined the base of the island.

“How about you ask our _daughter_ that,” Was Dave Goodkind’s response. Shelby cringed at the way he said it, like her being their daughter was suddenly the worst possible thing.

Shelby finally lifted her gaze to her fathers; she was amazed with the amount of anger and disappointment she was meant with. She averted her gaze to a point over his shoulder, still looking up but not directly at him.

“Daddy, it’s not what you think,” Shelby rushed out. She didn’t know what to say, what to do, all she knew was that she couldn’t handle the way her dad was looking at her.

“Oh? So, you’re not in some type of, of, relationship,” He sounded the word out like it was unfamiliar, like it was filth in the current circumstance, Shelby supposed it was, “with that girl?”

“What?” Shelby mom said looking between the two in utter confusion, “What do you mean?”

Shelby watched as her dad wordlessly slide the phone over to her mom. She continued to look past her dad, Shelby couldn’t bare to watch her mom’s face be filled with the same disgust as her dad’s. Shelby heard her mom gasp once she saw the pictures.

No one spoke for multiple minutes. Shelby stared at a point on the wall between her parents. Her hands were clenched in her lap, but she could feel herself shaking in fear.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, this wasn’t how they were supposed to find out. In Shelby’s ideal fantasy they never found out and Shelby managed to go her entire life in a comfortable relationship with Toni, but she knew that wouldn’t be the reality. But Shelby had at least thought she could wait to tell them till she was out of the house, thought that she would be able to tell the, that she could plan and prepare.

Instead her life fell apart on a random Saturday afternoon. A Saturday that had started as one of the best days of her life then had instantly turned into the worst.

“Why would you do this?” Shelby’s dad broke the silence after several minutes. Shelby heard the layered emotions in his voice, but the over whelming one was anger.

“I didn’t mean to,” Shelby responded but her voice broke on the last word. The tears that had been building immediately began falling. She let them.

Shelby finally looked at her dad. He was rubbing his hands across his face, when her put then down his face was filled with such anguish Shelby gasped out a sob.

“That, way of life,” He spoke in short bursts, like he couldn’t bare to speak but he had to, “You know, that is not a way of life, you know it is not the life you need.”

Shelby nodded throughout his statement, unaware of what he was saying, just that it was what she had always know.

“That lifestyle, there’s no future in it. There is no future for you here if that is what you-”

“It’s not,” Shelby busted out, “Daddy that’s not me. You know that’s not who I really am, tell me you know that.”

Tears were streaming down Shelby’s face, but she barely noticed. Her chin and lips quivered as did the rest of her body. Her mom just stood to the side, looking like she didn’t know how to respond to anything that was occurring.

“I can’t say I know that,” Her dad finally said, and Shelby gasped in a pained breath, “I can’t say I know who you are.”

The two looked at each other. One face covered in tears, the other completely clear. One terrified beyond compare and the other a harsh anger.

“We’ll address this later,” He finally sighed out, but Shelby remained tense not knowing what that meant.

He then walked out of the room, leaving a shattered mess of a daughter in his wake.

Once her dad was out of the room Shelby began drawing in ragged breaths. Her hands flew to her chest as she tried in vain to contain her breathing. Shelby’s mom took two steps around the table to approach her, but Shelby fled before she could come close enough to comfort.

Lxxv.

Shelby should have been hungry. She hadn’t eaten since noon and it was almost midnight, but she felt sick to her stomach.

She’d isolated herself in her room once she fled the kitchen, instantly collapsing onto her bed and letting her sobs out. Now, multiple hours later she was out of tears to cry.

She didn’t know what to do, neither of her parents had attempted to talk to her though out the evening, and Shelby didn’t know if she was happy or disappointed about it. She didn’t know how she felt about anything, all she knew was she had to fix it.

Shelby’s parents didn’t deserve the anguish she was putting through. Andrew didn’t deserve to have his girlfriend cheating on him, with another girl nonetheless. Becca didn’t deserve to be led off course because her best friend couldn’t live a life without sin. Even Toni didn’t deserve the confusion and secrecy that she was confined to.

But Shelby absolutely deserved her torment.

She had known than going down that path was a recipe for disaster, she knew there was no happy ending waiting for her. Shelby had been content in her life before, and she could be again. All she needed was to completely cut Toni out, no matter how difficult.

Shelby let out a sigh, she would fix it. She would fix herself, no matter the cost, but for the night she would allow herself to dream of a different outcome.

Shelby rolled of her bed and stumbled to her closet in the darkness. Relying on pure touch she flipped through the multitude of dressed, jackets, and tops in the closet until she found the one she wanted. It was rough to the touch, feeling almost like canvas, but when she pulled it on the inside was soft and comforting.

The jacket no longer smelled like Toni, but Shelby still did., and as she fell asleep wrapped in the warmth, she figured that would have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok y'all, first of all I hope you liked this chapter. I like it in theory but the fact that I took so long to update makes me feel like it should be perfect which I know it's not, but let me know what y'all thought.
> 
> Ok so I'm about to give my reasons for taking to long to update (This is basically just me ranting so feel free to skip). 
> 
> basically the night I was supposed to update I received word that the college I was planning on going to was offering me no financial aid. that sucked, but what made it worse was that their reasoning was that my family owns a house so we can mortgage out house, needless to say I am not going to that college. so there was a lot of stress of catching up on my other applications that I had ignored. and then the next day I was supposed to update the girl I've been talking to for a few months broke-up/can't-break-up-cause-we-weren't-officially-dating with me. I knew it was coming because she's been having trouble with her mental health but it still hurt. that was a crappy week but had a good weekend and pushed it behind me and I fully intended to update last week, but then friday happened and my best friend got sexually assaulted which made me unable to function for a couple days in anger. and now here I am with an update.
> 
> Ok if you read that it was really not necessary just needed to rant, I never over share but kinda figured why not on here. safe space and shit. Don't feel like you have to comment on anything I shared.
> 
> Ok I'm done, let me know what you thought of this chapter please!!! So much happened and I can't wait to hear if y'all liked it


	16. Lxxvi-Lxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, seriously my bad

Lxxvi.

Toni was anxious. She tried to tell herself she shouldn’t be, but it didn’t work. She hadn’t heard from Shelby since she’d left Saturday afternoon and she was terrified as to what that meant. Shelby had warned her that she probably wouldn’t be able to talk much during the rest of the weekend, but this was more than Toni had expected. Complete radio silence.

Toni was abnormally still in her seat Monday morning. Her feet were planted, and her back was straight, her hands were the only things that moved. She pulled at her fingers and continuously ran her fingers through her hair. The movement only ceased when Shelby walked into the room.

She looked at she always did, hair straight, makeup done, outfit matching, but she also looked completely different than Toni had grown used to. She didn’t spare a glance in Toni’s direction, instead walked straight to Coach Burke, and began speaking in low tones to him.

Toni watched the interaction with rampant attention. She couldn’t make out the words, just that Shelby was asking, pleading for something, and didn’t seem to be getting her way. After a few more seconds of conversation Coach Burke finally spoke loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Shelby, sit. Tell your parents to contact me personally if there is truly a problem.”

Toni watched Shelby’s jaw clench as she stared past Coach Burke at the wall, finally she responded, “Yes sir.” She whipped around, her hair flying out in a semi-circle at the movement and Toni continued to stare, completely unsure what was going on.

Shelby sat in her seat beside Toni, still not acknowledging her in anyway. Toni quickly scoured her memory to think of anything she had done to warrant the silent treatment, she came up empty.

“So, what was that about?” Toni asked quietly.

Shelby didn’t say anything. Toni watched her flip though her binder aimlessly, an obvious attempt to look like she had something to do.

“Shelby?” Toni pressed again, Shelby’s movements became more frantic and Toni worried she’d rip the pages right out of the binder. She reached out to gently calm Shelby’s frantic movements, but the instant her hand touched Shelby’s, Shelby flinched so hard she ripped the page she was holding out of the binder and stood up.

Toni jerked back at the sudden movement. Shelby was standing over her, a random paper clenched in her hand as she glared down at Shelby.

“Shelby what’s going on?” Toni asked not caring about whispering. Shelby’s sudden movement had already drawn the attention of most of the class.

“Leave me alone,” Shelby responded. She didn’t sound angry, not like she used to when she’d yell at Toni. She sounded slightly pained, but mostly confident, like she knew exactly what she was doing.

“What?” Toni asked, she was beyond confused. What had happened in the past day to warrant this reaction, “Shelby what happ-”

“Stop talking to me,” Shelby cut her off, Toni again leaned back to distance herself. She didn’t know how to handle this situation, especially not in front of the class, “I don’t know why you think anything about me is your business, but it’s not. So, stop acting like it is.”

As Shelby talked Toni saw her eyes dart around the room, obviously aware of their audience. Toni finally stood up; she’d had enough of whatever the hell was going on. She took a step toward Shelby.

“Ok, how about we t-” As Toni spoke, she raised a hand and placed it on Shelby’s arm. That was a mistake. Shelby immediately jerked her arm back.

“Don’t touch me dyke.”

The class went silent, Toni saw a wave of guilt wash across Shelby’s face, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared. Toni didn’t know how to react, she was speechless.

“Shelby!” Coach Burke said from the front of the room. Shelby didn’t even look at him, instead continued to lock her gaze on Toni, “Go to the office, now!”

Shelby gave Toni one last look before turning around and walking out the door. Toni stared at the space she had occupied.

“Well, thank was unexpected,” Fatin broke the silence of the classroom.

Lxxvii.

Toni wasn’t sure what she was doing. All she knew was that she didn’t have practice and that Shelby was taking longer than Toni had expected to get to her car. Toni’s phone read 3:26, almost half an hour since school had gotten out, but there was no sign of Shelby. Toni supposed it was a bonus she was late; it would have been bad to have their conversation in the middle of a crowded parking lot.

Toni eventually tossed her backpack on the ground and sat down against the driver side door. She plugged her earbuds into her phone and tilted her head back, so it rested against the door. Toni then closed her eyes and tried to relax, content to wait for Shelby.

A while later Toni was roused from her daze by a kick to her feet. She opened her eyes to see Shelby standing above her and scrambled up to be on the same level. As she pulled out her ear buds and paused her music, she got a glance at the time 4:07.

“Hey, sorry. I sat down to wait, I didn’t know how long you would be,” Toni explained herself in a friendly manner. She had lingering hope that everything was ok and the interaction that morning had been because Shelby didn’t want anyone thinking they were friends, Shelby quickly rid her of that idea.

“I had detention. Now can you move so I can leave,” Shelby responded in a near monotone voice. Toni felt her walls go up as she finally accepted that something had changed.

“No, I’m not going to move until you tell me what is going on,” Toni demanded. She leaned against the door to prove her point.

“Nothing is going on except for the fact that you are apparently stalking me and refusing to let me leave,” Shelby scowled at her.

Toni took a breath to contain her growing irritation, “Shelby I’m not letting you leave until you tell me what the fuck happened. Everything was fine two days ago, what happened? Did your parents find something out?” Toni pressed.

“Toni, I sweat to fucking god, if you don’t leave me alone, we’re going to have some serious problems,” Shelby’s eyes flashed threateningly. Toni tried to find something else in her expression, anything to show that she didn’t mean what she said, but Toni found nothing.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but ‘we’ already have serious problems,” Toni gestured between them as she said it.

“There is no ‘we’” Shelby said it slowly with anger brewing underneath.

Toni stood up so she was at her full height and took a step forward to argue. Before she could Shelby used her change of positioning to step around her. She opened the door, it pushed Toni’s backpack across the concrete as she did and knocked into Toni’s side causing her to stumble. When Toni regained her footing, Shelby was already in her car and starting it.

Toni knocked on the window, “Shelby, what the fuck?”

Shelby rolled down the window a few inches, “Consider this a breakup, except we were never dating so this is nothing,” Toni stared at her in shock, what the hell was happening, “And don’t even try to talk to me in precal.”

With that Shelby drove away, leaving Toni in the near empty parking lot feeling a strong mixture of heartbreak and confusion.

Lxxviii.

Toni was no longer confused or heartbroken, she was pissed. She’d thought that sometime throughout the week Shelby would have said something, anything, about the sudden change, but it never happened. Toni was left sulking in the ruins of a relationship that had never truly started with no explanation.

She assumed something happened with Shelby’s family, but regardless, Toni deserved an explanation, not radio silence followed by blatant anger, because that’s how Shelby treated her, with blatant anger. Shelby never purposefully looked Toni’s way, but if Toni did something to draw her attention or she was accidently in her line of sight Shelby would glare. It was the same expression she had when she used to rant to Toni about her parents and about Andrew.

So, Toni matched her anger. If Shelby wasn’t hurt, why should Toni be. Or at least that’s what Toni told herself.

“Ok, I’ve given you all week to tell me what’s going on, times up. I won’t accept ‘nothing’ as an answer. What’s wrong?’ Martha asked Toni. The two girls were sitting in Martha’s room on Friday night. Originally Toni hadn’t wanted to hangout, but the alternative was spending the night alone at her empty house, and she knew ger thoughts would have been plagued with when Shelby had been there the weekend before, so Martha’s it was.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Toni mumbled from her position on the blowup mattress on Martha’s floor.

“Well that’s not an acceptable answer either,” Martha teased trying to rouse Toni from her bad mood, but Toni didn’t respond, just continued to look at the ceiling, “Come on Toni, you have to talk to me. I know it’s about Shelby, I expected you to talk about her all this week since we actually met her, but instead you didn’t mention her and ignored us if we did, so what happened? Did she get scared after she met us or something? Because we tried to make it clear we wouldn’t tell a soul.”

Toni sighed in defeat after Martha’s speal, the last thing she wanted was for Martha to blame herself for Toni’s relationship problems.

“No, it has nothing to do with you guys, she actually really like you and Regan,” Toni responded, she felt her lips tug up at the memory of Shelby raving about Toni’s friends, but the begins of a smile immediately vanished when she remembered the current predicament.

“Well that’s good to hear,” Martha responded absentmindedly, then she immediately tuned back into the conversation, “So if that wasn’t it then what happened?”

“I don’t even know,” Toni groaned, she flipped over and buried her face in her pillow, trying to hide from the conversation.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Martha asked sounding genuinely confused.

“Exactly that,” Toni’s voice was muffled so she lifted her head up and rested it on her pillow, “She just ghosted me, no explanation, and now won’t talk to me.”

“Toni,” Martha’s voice was full of pity which just made Toni mad, “I’m sorry, and you tried talking to her?”

“Yep, in class Monday then after school in the parking lot,” Toni clenched her jaw as she remembered the interaction, “Bitch drove away from me. She fled the fucking conversation, wouldn’t give me any explanation.”

“Toni-” Martha began, but Toni cut her off, not wanting to hear the pity.

“No Marty, it’s fine. I’m over it, fucking fine with me. She can go wallow in her shitty relationship with her shitty boyfriend surrounded by her fucking shitty family, I don’t want anything to do with her.” As Toni spoke, she heard how harsh she was being, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Shelby couldn’t give her an explanation, why should she give Shelby any sympathy.

Martha apparently didn’t think the same.

“Toni,” she admonished causing Toni to cringe, she hated disappointing Martha no matter how often it happened, “You know Shelby a lot better than me, but even I know there has to be a reason behind her actions.”

“Well there’s definitely a reason,” Toni agreed, “I just apparently don’t deserve an explanation, why should I give her any of my thoughts.”

“Well maybe she can’t give you an explanation,” Martha began, but Toni spoke before she could continue.

“Of course, she can give me an explanation. if there is an explanation there is no reason, she can’t tell me it. So, either, there is no explanation and she just doesn’t care about me in which case I’m definitely doing the right thing and forgetting about her, or there is an explanation but she doesn’t think I’m worthy of it because she doesn’t think I matter,” Toni spoke more than she had planned to, but it was Martha, if she was going to talk to anyone it would be her.

“Or, option three, there is an explanation and she wants to tell you but is scared,” Martha added. Toni let out a sigh at the suggestion.

“Marty, I tried to talk to her, really. We were completely alone, no one else was in the parking lot. I was nice and everything. She still completely brushed me off.”

“When was this? Monday?” Martha asked and Toni nodded before she realized Martha wasn’t looking at her, rather she was laying on her back looking at the ceiling as Toni had been earlier.

“Yep, and she’s had all week to talk,” Toni said bitterly.

“So what? You talked to her and pressed her for answers a day, maybe two, after something that we don’t know about happened with her family. Something big enough that she completely cut you out,” Martha said it matter-of-factly, but it was still perfectly clear what she was implying.

“I didn’t press her for answers,” Toni grumbled, but she still understood what Martha was saying.

“Look Toni, I just think you can give her a bit more time, maybe try talking to her this coming week,” Martha paused, probably giving Toni a chance to say something, when she didn’t she continued, “Because I know you, I know how much you like her, you can’t just give up on her like that.”

Toni sighed loudly and turned over so she could lay on her back, taking up as much room as possible on her mattress.

“I supposed you might be right,” Toni finally said.

“I always am,” Martha responded with false bravo.

Toni laughed and sat up, so she was looking at Martha. Martha turned her head and smiled at her, then she moved to the side, so she was only laying on half the small bed.

“Come on,” She patted the spot next to her and Toni scrambled up to join her.

Lxxix.

“Hey,” Toni awkwardly said as she approached the table in the corner of the coffee shop. At that table sat a girl near her age with light brown curly hair.

“Oh hi!” The girl greeted enthusiastically once she saw Toni.

“Sorry I’m late, I misjudged the time it would take me to walk,” Toni apologized once she sat down. She studied the girl opposite her, she’d seen her before, but never this close. The girl had a round face that made her look younger than she actually was, and her hair surrounded her face with messy curls.

“No problem, it’s so nice to finally meet you, Shelby would never shut up about you.”

Toni felt herself blush at the girl’s words, regardless of how confused or angry she was at Shelby it was still nice to hear.

“Thanks, you too. I mean it’s nice to finally meet you too, but Shelby did also talk about you a lot,” Toni stopped and tried to sort her mind out, she wasn’t quite sure how this conversation was supposed to go, “Have you, um, I mean, do you know what happened?”

Becca looked at her with a flat smile, “Honestly I had no idea something was seriously wrong until you DMed me last night. I thought something was off when I didn’t hear from her on Saturday because she promised she would call me to tell me how Friday had gone. When she didn’t, I didn’t think much of it because Shelby and I sometimes go a week or so without talking depending on her. I figured I’d just talk to her tomorrow to find out what happened.”

Toni listened intently as Becca talked. If Becca didn’t know what was wrong could she even get anything out of this meeting?

“Well I have no idea what happened. She basically ghosted me on Saturday and throughout this week she’s completely avoided me, even yelled and gotten in trouble to keep me away.”

“I wish I could help,” Becca said, and she looked genuinely upset about the situation, “But I won’t know anything until tomorrow where I might be able to talk to her after service.”

“Well, if you could let me know anything you find out that would be great,” Toni said with a sigh, she’d really been hoping she could figure out what had happened, but it appeared she was out of luck.

“Yeah, I definitely will,” Becca responded.

The two girls sat in silence for a moment before Toni began standing up.

“I appreciate you meeting up with me on such short notice, even if it didn’t do much,” Toni said, but Becca appeared deep in thought and didn’t responded, “Becca?” Toni tried to get her attention not wanting to just leave the girl.

“Huh?” Becca shook herself out of her head and seemed surprised to see Toni standing up, “Wait, I just had an idea,” Toni remained standing, but settled her shifting to show she wasn’t about to leave, “What if I could get her to meet with you and talk?”

Toni immediately sat back down now much more interested in the conversation.

“That would be amazing; can you?”

Lxxx.

Toni anxiously sat in the corner of a coffee place for the second time in as many days. This time she was the first to arrive. She sat with a cup of slowly cooling coffee in front of her as she stared anxiously at the door.

Becca had texted her a few minutes earlier saying that the plan had worked and that they were on their way, what she had failed to mention was the time it would take to drive to the coffee place from the nearby church. And so, Toni sat, impatiently twiddling her thumbs as her hands griped her coffee cup. Her feet bounced even though she had yet to drink any of the caffeine.

Just as Toni had deemed too much time had passed and the two girls must have gotten into a car accident the door swing open. All of Toni’s movements froze at the sight of Shelby. She wore a deep blue dress, it clung to her sides but fell long enough to be appropriate attire for church.

Toni watched as Becca and Shelby walked toward the counter, which was out of Toni’s line of sight. Toni stared intently at the corner of the wall she knew the girls would round once done ordering.

Shelby appeared within a few seconds. She was looking at the ground, but when she looked up, she looked directly at Toni. Toni watched as a multitude of emotions crossed her face, surprise, fear, annoyance, and ending in anger.

Toni rushed out of her seat before Shelby could make a move to leave. The café was fairly crowded so Toni hoped that would stop Shelby from doing anything drastic.

“Hey, please just sit down,” Toni pleaded once she was in front of Shelby, she resisted the urge to grab Shelby’s hand figuring it wouldn’t help the situation, “I just want to talk and figure some stuff out.”

“And you had to use Becca to do that,” Shelby bit out, she glanced over her shoulder, but Becca was out of sight.

“I mean yeah, I tried just talking to you and that didn’t work,” Toni defended herself. She wanted to go back to her seat, but she was scared if she moved Shelby would flee.

Toni watched as Shelby contemplated her options, if she refused to talk to Toni, she wasn’t sure what she could do, but finally Shelby let out a sigh and stepped around Toni. She walked toward the table Toni had been sitting at and slide into the chair across the one Toni had previously occupied. Toni rushed to followed and sat down heavily, her hands coming up to cradle her untouched coffee cup.

“So, what do you want Toni?” Shelby asked, but she avoided Toni’s eyes and Toni watched her shift in her seat, “I told you I have nothing to say to you.”

“Come on Shelby,” Toni started, “I’m confused, what happened? We were fine last week, what happened when you got home Saturday?”

Shelby didn’t answer the question, just responded with, “There is no _we_.”

“Why not?” Toni pressed, “Shelb you’ve talked to me about so many things, what’s different this time? It’s obviously about your parents but that’s never stopped you before.”

Shelby’s jaw clenched as she stared out the window, Toni still didn’t look away. She probably wouldn’t have any more opportunities like this so Toni took the time to appreciate Shelby’s profile and how her clenched jaw made her jawline even sharper.

After a long pause Toni spoke again, “Shelby tell me something, anything,” She pleaded. In the past she would have cringed at the desperation in her tone, but she had more important things to worry about.

“There is nothing to tell,” Shelby said it slowly like she was explaining it to a five-year-old.

Toni ignored her obvious lie, “So what about your parents, their dicks and you don’t need their approval. We can just-”

Shelby cut her off before she could continue, “There is no _we_ or _us_ Toni. There is nothing. Just let it go, you wouldn’t understand.”

Toni was having trouble reading Shelby, on one hand she thought she might cry, but she also looked abnormally calm considering the topic of conversation.

“What wouldn’t I understand?” Toni pressed, but Shelby just continued to stare beyond her, refusing to make eye contact, “Because I don’t have parents?” Toni probed. Shelby didn’t have a reaction, but Toni figured that was the most likely reason. “Yeah, I don’t have parents, so I don’t fully understand. But I still know they can’t just control your life, it’s yours. They have no right to dictate you, you should get to be yourself.”

Shelby finally turned her gaze and made eye contact with Toni. Toni tried not to recoil at the blatant anger and sadness swimming in her green eyes.

“It’s not that simple,” Shelby stated, “You need to leave me alone.” Toni opened her mouth to refuse, but Shelby continued before she could get a word in, “I’m serious Toni, just forget everything, it’s easier that way.” Shelby stood up, “For both of us,” She finished and then walked away.

Toni watched her leave. Watched her blue dress swish as she walked. Watched her hair gently shift and she pushed the door open. Watched Shelby disappear from sight.

Then Toni looked down at the table and watched her lukewarm coffee cool even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, almost exactly a month later here I am. I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I go through phases of being super productive and super motivated to doing absolutely nothing, obviously I was productive when I started this story and obviously that didn't last.
> 
> I hope ya'll liked this chapter, or well you probably didn't like it, but still, hope you liked it. I have the rest of the story planned out so I can guarantee you I will be finishing it. I hope I can just hammer it out so I don't leave ya'll waiting that long again, but I have no idea with how inconsistent I am.
> 
> Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought of this chapter and what you think will happen. even though this chapter may not show it I'm a sucker for happy endings, especially in fanfiction, so this will have a happy ending.
> 
> I'll try to get to ya'lls comments in the next couple of days, but with my motivation levels I might just go straight to writing when motivated so it's hit or miss.
> 
> Ok I'm done. hope ya'll liked it and leave a comment to let me know!!

**Author's Note:**

> hey ya'll, just catch me being depressed by the lack of fanfiction for this fandom. i have high hopes it will grow and want to be a part of that.  
> this is my first fanfic i've written in this numbered styled, so it might take me a moment to get used to, bared with me.  
> hope ya'll enjoyed, i'll try to update semi-often, i'm obsessed with the show so chapters will hopefully be rolling out for a while.


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